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TffF AMA7CIMS Farce in ThreeActs. Seven males, five females, 
i MIv Costumes, modern ; scenery, not difficult. Plays 

a full evening. . i || 

THE V k ftlMPT MfWKTPD ’ Farce in Four Acts. Ten males, nine 
I- MlHnEl females. Costumes, modern society; 

scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. , i 

BANDY DICK Farce Three Acts. Seven males, four females. 

1 Costumes, modern ; scenery, two interiors. Plays 

two hours and a half. 

TSE HAY LOfiB OUEX Comedy ^ Four Acts. Four males, ten 
* females. Costumes, modern scenery, 

two interiors and an exterior. Plays a full evening, 

BIS BOUSE IN ORDEB Coined y i 11 Four Acts. Nine males, four 

females. Costumes, modern; scenery, 
three-interiors. ' Plays a full evening .^ 

THE BOBBY BOISE Comedy 111 Three Acts. Ten males, five 

females. Costumes, modern; scenery easy. 
Plays two hours and a. half. 

IBIS Drama in Five Acts. Seven males, seven females. Costumes, 
modern ; scenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

LADY BOUNTIFUL Play 111 Four Acts. Eight males, seven fe- 

’ males. Costumes, modern; scenery, four in- 
teriors, not easy. Plays a full evening. 

LETIY Drama Four Acts and an Epilogue. Ten males, five fe- 
** males. Costumes, modern; scenery complicated. Tlaysa 

full evening. 


Sent prepaid on receipt of price by 

Walter $. 'Bafeer 8 . Company 

So. s Hamilton Place, Boston, Massachusetts 






















Dandy Dialogues for 
Christmas 


By 

HARRIETTE WILBUR 
and others 


BOSTON 

WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 

1911 




Contents 

A Christmas Dinner . 

Holly and Mistletoe . 

Father Christmas 
Santa Claus {Monologue) 

The Offerings of the Year 
Christmas Capers 
Return of Mother Goose . 
The Fairy Steeplecrown 
Santa Claus at Home . 

Santa Claus the First 
The Bachelor’s Christmas . 



Copyright, 1911, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 


PACE 

3 

9 

15 

21 

33 

47 

65 

89 

IX 3 

*35 

i59 


(g Cl.D 24059 








A Christmas Dinner 




A Christmas Dinner 


CHARACTERS 

Jack Horner, 

Humpty Dumpty, 

Jack and Jill, 

Simple Simon, 

Tom, the Piper’s Son, 

Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater, 

Queen of Hearts, 

Red Riding Hood, 

Miss Muffet. 

SCENE .—A room with table and chairs ; a stool in one front 
corner. 

COSTUMES.— Jack Horner wears a bib under his chin. 
His pie is a big milk pan having a crust of brown tissue 
paper. In the pan are bunches of raisins tied to long 
strings, the free ends of which are threaded through the 
crust before it is pasted down to rim of the pan. If pre¬ 
ferred little sacks of candy may be used instead of the 
raisins. Humpty Dumpty has a white blouse stuffed 
with paper to stand out very full, a big ruff slashed in 
points , and a little white cambric cap. Jack wears overalls 
and straw hat, and Jill an apron and sunbonnet. Simple 
Simon wears a dunce cap and has a tin pail and a fish-pole 
and line. Tom, the Piper’s Son, wears a butcher''s cap 
and apron. The Queen of Hearts wears white liberally 
trimmed with red paper hearts, and a little gilt crown. 
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater has pumpkin blossoms 
and leaves made of tissue paper tacked to his clothing. 
Red Riding Hood has her red cape and hood. Miss 
Muffet wears an empire dress and a big tissue paper 
hat. 

( Children enter by twos and threes and sit about table except 
Jack H., who cannot find a seat.) 


5 



6 


DANDY DIALOGUES FOR CHRISTMAS 


Jack H. Never mind, I’ll sit here on this stool. 

Queen ( drumming on the table'). I can’t see why dinner 
isn’t ready. 

Miss M. What’s the trouble, anyway? 

Jack H. I think Peter should go find out. 

All. Yes. Peter, you see when dinner is ready. 

Peter. No, let Humpty go. 

Humpty. I guess not; Peter’s the one to go. 

All. Yes. Peter, run along. 

(Peter goes out.) 

R. R. Hood ( clicking her knife and fork together). I wish 
dinner was ready. I wanted to take grandma some nice things 
just as soon as I finished eating. 

Peter ( returning ). Say, we don’t have any Christmas din¬ 
ners. Mother Goose went off to help Santa, and there isn’t a 
bit of dinner ready. 

All. What shall we do ? Must we starve ? 

Queen (rising). Of course not! We’ll each one find 
something and have it back here in a jiffy. 

R. R. Hood. A good plan. Let’s each one tell what we 
can get. 

(All gather around.) 

Humpty. I know where there’s a nest of fresh eggs out 
behind the garden wall. 

Miss M. I’ll bring some curds and whey. 

Queen. I’ll get some tarts. 

Simon. I’ll go to fishing right away. 

(Sets down his pail and fishes until he speaks again as indi¬ 
cated near close of play.) 

Tom. I know where there’s the fattest little pig you ever 
saw. The Old Woman who lives near the stile bought it for a 
sixpence she found one day when she was sweeping the floor. 
It is to be roasted for her dinner to-day. I’ll bring it. 

Peter. I’ll let my wife out of the pumpkin shell and she’ll 
bake you the finest pumpkin pie, I promise you. 

Jack H. Pumpkin pie’s all right, Peter, but I’ll see what 
kind of a pie I can find. Two pies won't be too many with 
two such pie eaters as we to feed. 

All. Well, here we go ! 


A CHRISTMAS DINNER 


7 


(All exit except Simon.) 

R. R. Hood (reentering first with a little basket ). I 
couldn’t find a thing, but I’ve brought my basket, and as soon 
as everything is here I’ll fill it and set off to grandma’s. 

Queen (reentering). Oh ! Oh ! All my tarts have been 
stolen. The Knave of Hearts did it, and he hasn’t left me a 
one. 

(R. R. Hood holds up her hands in dismay while Queen 
wipes her eyes. Jack and Jill limp tn } Jack with a 
brown paper plaster on his head.) 

R. R. Hood. What is it ? Are you hurt ? 

Both. We’ve had such a fall. 

Jill. Poor Jack’s crown is broken and I’m hurt all over. 

Jack. And we spilt all the water, and rolled to the foot of 
the hill before we could stop. (Humpty reenters , his cap 
awry , his ruff hanging over one shoulder , and all his padding 
removed. Jack groans , with his hand to his head.) Well, 
Humpty, what’s happened to you ? 

Humpty. The next time 1 climb a wall I’ll be a hard-boiled 
egg. Why, I had the greatest fall! All the king’s horses and 
all his men couldn’t put me together again, so they sent for 
old Doctor Foster, and he came with his lantern through the 
mud and rain and patched me up as best he could. Eggs 
don’t mend easily, I find. (Hobbles to a chair.) 

Miss M. (running in). Help ! Help ! 

All. What’s the matter, Muffet ? 

Miss M. Oh, the biggest spider ! I was bringing my curds 
and whey, and stopped to rest a moment and try the dish, 
when I saw him coming right toward me. How I did run ! I 
don’t know where I left the bowl. Oh ! oh! oh ! 

(She looks fearfully about and climbs upon the table.) 

Enter Peter, a bandage round his head. 

R. R. Hood. Didn’t you bring anything either, Peter ? 

Peter. Bring anything ! Nothing but a sore head. The 
minute my wife was out of the pumpkin shell, where I’ve been 
keeping her so well, she began beating me on the head with 
her rolling-pin. Ouch ! 

(He sits down and holds his head.) 


8 


DANDY DIALOGUES FOR CHRISTMAS 


Tom (;running in). They’re after me ! 

All. Who’s after you? 

Tom. The old woman’s servants. 

R. R. Hood. But where’s the pig? Didn’t you get it? 

Tom. Yes. I got it right out of the oven, piping hot, but 
run as hard as I could, I couldn’t get away with anything 
but the beating they gave me. 

All (turning to Simon). Did you catch anything, Simon ? 

Simon. Not yet! 

Jack. What do you expect to catch in that pail ? 

Simon. Why, a whale. Won’t that be big enough for us 
all? {All laugh.) 

Enter Jack H., carrying his big tin pan. 

All. Oh, see what Jacky Horner has found ! 

Jack H. {sitting down on the stool). It’s my Christmas pie. 
Come here, all of you. Just see what a big boy I am. {They 
all crowd around. Jack H. pulls a string and out comes a 
plum. All point their fingers at him and recite in a singsong 
tone , “Little Jacky Horner ,” etc. Jack H. holds out the 
pie.) Help yourselves, everybody. 

{Each one pulls a string and gets a plum. If given in a 
schoolroom , Jack H. should have enough plums in the pan 
for each pupil, and pass about giving all a share of it.) 


CURTAIN 


Holly and Mistletoe 


• • 




















Holly and Mistletoe 


This exercise requires twelve little girls, eight of whom rep¬ 
resent holly and four mistletoe. The holly girls wear little 
dresses of green cambric, made empire style, and trimmed with 
inch discs of bright red tissue paper. These are pasted in ver¬ 
tical rows on the skirt, then a band outlines the lower edge of 
the little empire yoke, the dutch neck outline and the elbow 
bands of the sleeves. Each girl wears a red bow in her hair 
and carries a large holly wreath tied with long red streamers. 
The mistletoe girls wear green dresses trimmed with white discs, 
white hair ribbons, and carry sprays of mistletoe. 



Children form in line behind scenes as in Diagram A, two 
holly girls walking together, followed by a mistletoe girl. (In 
diagrams the holly girls are represented by the first eight let- 

II 
























































12 


DANDY DIALOGUES FOR CHRISTMAS 


ters of the alphabet and the mistletoe girls by X.) The trio, A, 
B, X, are leaders, C, D, X are the second group, etc. 

_ & _ 


i 

I 

I 


1 

I 



F 


Diagram A. 

I. Pianist begins the above little waltz air, and they enter, 
march briskly across front, a step to each count, turn sharply 
at right front, pass down right side to right rear, turn and form 
in a line across rear of stage (as in Diagram B), the holly girls 
of each group standing side by side, the mistletoe girl standing 


a 


X 

X 

X 

X 

1 

a a 

CO 

£ F Cr H , 

« 

1 

» 

1 

1 

1 



f 

1 



F 


Diagram B. 

behind her partners. While entering the holly girls carry their 
wreaths on chest; the mistletoe sprays are held similarly. 

II. Pianist repeats the air an octave higher. At i the girls 
in each trio clasp hands held high, wreaths and sprays held in 
right hands and circle about in groups until division 3 of the 
air is reached ; here they halt as in Diagram B; the two holly 
girls unclasp hands, and still clasping hand of the mistletoe 






HOLLY AND MISTLETOE 


!3 


girl, all take four steps forward on the notes marked v, then 
four backward steps on notes of fourth phrase marked a. 

III. Pianist plays air as written, each holly girl in each 
group clasp hands with their partners X, B and C clasp hands 
as do F and G, and all begin walking toward the right. 
D goes around to clasp A’s hand, H passes around to join E, 
thus forming two circles as in Diagram C. At division 3 of 
the music the two circles halt, and holding hands high, all take 
four forward steps to centre of their circle, then four steps back 
to place. 



Diagram C. 

IV. Pianist plays as in II. B and E join hands as do also 
C and H, thus forming one large circle. The girls walk about 
until division 3 of the music is reached, then they halt as in 
Diagram D. They then take four forward steps to centre of 
ring and then four backward ones. 


& 



Diagram D. 





14 DANDY DIALOGUES FOR CHRISTMAS 

V. The holly girls now leave their places and walk around in 
a circle going right; at division 3 they halt in position as in 
Diagram D, then take the four forward and four backward 
steps. 

VI. The mistletoe girls repeat V, while holly girls remain 
in position. 

VII. Holly girls kneel, partners facing each other and 
touching wreaths, while each girl X walks about her kneeling 
partners; at division 3 the mistletoe girls halt, hold their sprays 
over the heads of the kneeling partners, at division 4, the two 
partners hold their wreaths together and pretend to kiss through 
them four times. 

VIII. The four girls X advance to the centre and stand 
holding their sprays to form an arch ; the girls A, D, C and 
H then face to the rear forming one line, the other four form¬ 
ing another ; both lines walk toward the rear, meet by couples 
at rear and walk down centre of stage, passing under arch, 
where they stop to kiss through their wreaths. (A and B walk 
together, E and D, F and C, and G and H.) After passing 
through the arch, A and B walk around to left, pausing at rear 
left corner. E and D pass around right to rear right corner, 
F and C go left and pause at left front, and G and H go to 
right front. (Diagram E.) 


B 



Diagram E. 


IX. Each girl X then passes to a corner of the stage, holds 
her spray high over head while the two holly girls place their 
faces to their wreaths and bring them together. 


CURTAIN 




Father Christmas 







Father Christmas 


Tableau I. England—“The Yule-log.” 

Tableau II. America—“The Stockings.” 

Tableau III. Norway—“The Candle.” 

Tableau IV. Sweden—“The Sheaf.” 

Tableau V. Holland—“The Shoes.” 

Tableau VI. Russia—“Babousca.” 

Tableau VII. France—“Rupert.” 

Tableau VIII. Germany—“The Tree.” 

Tableau IX. Scotland—“ The Mummers.” 

Tableau X. All nations—“Santa Claus.” 

This Christmas play consists of nine scenes, portraying the 
Christmas customs of various nations, with one, the tenth, in 
which all take part. The same scene, a fireplace, answers for 
all the tableaux. The fireplace may be constructed of boxes 
covered with brick-colored building-paper, or may be made of 
candy-boxes of imitation brick. A window should be at each 
side of the fireplace, with holly and mistletoe decorations 
everywhere. 

Tableau I. England—“ The Yule-log ” : This is a rough, 
knotty bit of log, with a rope fastened about its middle. On 
the rope several loops are made. Several children, quaintly 
clad, help drag in the log. A tiny child, dressed with a wide- 
pointed frill about the neck, each point having a tiny bell 
attached, rides on the log. Two or three more dance along 
beside the log as it is dragged into the scene and put into the 
fireplace. After placing it they sing a verse of some Christmas 
carol. [Exit. 

Tableau II. America—“The Stockings”: Two or three 
little night-gowned children creep in and climbing upon stools, 
hang their stockings from mantel. (The Yule-log should be 
left in the scene, and for III both Yule-log and stockings are 
left.) Sing some carol or Santa Claus son [Exit. 

Tableau III. Norway—“The Candle” : Two little chil¬ 
dren, a girl and a boy, dressed in the long garments of that 

l 7 



1 8 DANDY DIALOGUES FOR CHRISTMAS 

country (consult some picture for the costume), stand with 
backs to audience, before a window near the fireplace. (This 
window may be made by tacking up a window sash and par¬ 
tially draping it with a chintz curtain.) I hey light a candle 
and set it in the window, singing a little song of Christmas. 

{Exit, 

Tableau IV. Sweden—“ The Sheaf ” : Two or three chil¬ 
dren clad in Swedish dress (consult some picture) bring in a 
sheaf of wheat. They leave it near the stage entrance, take 
out several handfuls and go out. A vigorous hammering is 
heard and then they return and sing some little song. {Exit. 

Tableau V. Holland—'“ The Shoes”: Two little chil¬ 
dren, clad in Holland dress, one a girl and one a boy, clatter 
in, singing some song. They take off their wooden shoes and 
place them on the window-sill after cleaning them carefully, 
and fill them with oats, hay, and carrots. {Exit. 

Tableau VI. Russia—“ Babousca ” : The Russian chil¬ 
dren believe Babousca, an old woman, brings them gifts. A 
larger girl dressed in shawl with a basket of bundles enters and 
recites: 

“Babousca comes in snow and sleet, 

On winds so cold and wild, 

And in her basket are the gifts 
For each good Russian child.” 

Tableau VII. France—“ Rupert ” : A larger girl, dressed 
as a French peasant woman, stands near fireplace, two children 
near her. When Rupert, a large boy wearing a long cape and 
a slouch hat, and carrying a handful of switches, enters the 
room, the two children hide behind their mother’s skirts, peep¬ 
ing fearfully out. Rupert hands the mother a few of the 
switches, but she shakes her head and smiles in refusal. He 
nods genially and exits. Children caper about, clapping hands 
joyfully. {Exit. 

Tableau VIII. Germany—“ The Tree ” : A German 
mother enters with a little Christmas tree. She places it near 
the fireplace and decorates it with tinsel and candles. While 
she does this children are heard tapping at door and calling, 
“Mutter, Mutter,” or “Kleine Mutter,” to which she always 
responds, “Nein, Kinder,” or some other simple German 
phrase of refusal. Children cease rapping for a minute, then 
another tap is heard. Mother goes to door and puts out her 
head, then returns, smiling. In the middle of the tree she puts 


FATHER CHRISTMAS 


19 


a sort of Janus head, something like a Jack-o’-lantern. (A 
native-born German can be asked the details regarding its con¬ 
struction. It is made of wax and is Hollow, with a candle 
inside.) Then she hangs little fancy cakes of various shapes 
(cross, head, etc.) on the tree. [Exit. 

Tableau IX. Scotland—“ The Mummers ” : Three boys, 
in long capes and masks over eyes, enter and sing some old 
carol. [Exit. 

Tableau X. All nations—“ Santa Claus ” : This universal 
saint of the Christmastide is dressed in red cambric trimmed 
with white batting, has a long white beard, peaked cap, and a 
big bag of toys. He enters, shaking with laughter, and looks 
at everything the children have placed in the room—the log, 
the tree, the stockings, the candle, the shoes. He takes the 
carrots and fodder from the shoes and places a toy in each one. 
Then he fills the stockings, and while he is putting presents on 
the tree, merry shouts are heard and the children—English, 
American, Scotch, French, Dutch, German (etc.)—all rush in. 
They dance about him singing some rollicking Santa Claus 
song. “Old Santa Claus is coming-this way,” or “Father 
Christmas” (Modern Music Series Primer) would be good. 


CURTAIN 


There are so many Christmas songs and carols that there is no lack of 
material; the difficulty is rather in making the selection from so many 
Appropriate songs may be found in the following books, besides many 
others from school journals and pamphlets of Christmas exercises: 

“ Songs and Games for Little Ones.” Walker-Jenks. O. Ditson Co. 
$2.00. 

« Song Echoes from Childland.” Rust-Jenks. O. Ditson Co. $2.00. 

“ Kindergarten Chimes.” Wiggin. O. Ditson Co. $1.5°* 

«Songs for Little Children.” Eleanor Smith. J. Church Co. Two 
vols.; Vol. I, $1.00; Vol. II, #1.30. 

“ Songs of the Child World.” Gaynor. J. Church Co. Two vols. 
Each, $1.00. 

“ Song Stories.” Patty Hill. Summy Pub. Co. #1.50. 

Please order of the publishers in each case or of the nearest music 
dealer, as we cannot agree to supply. 












SANTA CLAUS 


A Monologue 


By J. L. McClelland 


Santa Claus 


CHARACTERS 

Santa Claus, who does nearly all the talking. 
A Tall Man, who talks hack a little. 

Three Children, who are seen but not heard. 



Copyright, 1901, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 






PROPERTIES 


The usual Christmas tree and the usual dress for Santa Claus, 
with very large watch and chain. 

A box about five or six feet long, three feet wide, and three 
feet high, covered with cloth or paper, and ornamented to suit 
fancy. The box is surmounted by a hopper with opening wide 
enough to allow a man to sink through. 

The box should be well back on the platform, with its side 
to the audience. One end should be connected with a covered 
door giving secret admission to box from another room, or from 
outside of building. The other end of the box should have a 
round opening large enough for a child of eight or ten years to 
crawl through. The box must be furnished with a crank, the 
turning of which creates a loud clattering noise by means of a 
ratchet or cog-wheel with a thin, tough hickory spring board 
working against the cogs on the inside of the box. Two piles 
of bricks, or of short pieces of two-inch lumber may be used on 
the inside, underneath the hopper, for the person to stand on 
who is to sink through and disappear—to be ground up. As 
he sways from side to side, lifting his feet alternately, bricks 
are removed, one at a time, by the secret assistant, and thus 
he gradually descends into the box while Santa turns the crank. 
When his feet rest on the floor, he will crouch gradually. 
Santa Claus may cause his final disappearance by pressing down 
his head. 

A robe or cloth must be thrown over the machine to hide it 
from the audience until Santa Claus is ready to use it. 

















« 




m 







Santa Claus 


The Christmas tree being ready , a loud voice is heard at an 
outside door , with jingling of bells. Santa Claus enters and 
makes his way through the audience to the front. 

Santa Claus (speaks'). 

Glad to see you, my children, 

Fathers and mothers and all. 

Glad to see you so happy— 

Pleased to make you a call. 

My ! What bright little faces ! 

O, what merry blue eyes ! 

But I see thousands of children, 

So this isn’t any surprise. 

And you have often seen Santa — 

I’m quite an old “chestnut,” you know. 

I live ’way up in the Arctic, 

And wallow about in the snow. 

I always eat for my breakfast 
Twelve icicles fried in a pan. 

For dinner, I swallow a snow-drift, 

Mixed with a bushel of bran. 

You see I am fat and hearty, 

I seldom have colic or sorrow— 

But O, my dears, how it grieves me 
To think of your colics to-morrow ! 

My horse is only a reindeer, 

’Bout twice the size of a calf. 

My sleigh—O that’s so funny 

’Twould make you holler and laugh ! 


5 



SANTA CLAUS 


It’s just piled full of candies, 

And nuts and pop-corn too ; — 

The kids of the North don’t like ’em, 

And so I bring them to you I 

Of rattles and noisy playthings 
There’s several tons, I should say, 

And the reindeer puffed and panted 
As it tugged at the loaded sleigh. 

I intended some gifts for an urchin 
Who spied me as I rushed by, 

But he yelled out: “ Go it, old Frost Nose 1 ” 
Shall I give him the things ? Not I! 

I don’t like impudent children. 

If all the girls and boys 
Would only be kind and respectful, 

I’d bring them plenty of toys. 

A fine thing to own is a reindeer, 

And so is a top and a ball; 

But a boy, polite and manly, 

Is away ahead of them all. 

Ah, me! 

Here’s a tree, 

Bright and gay as it can be, 

Wreaths of snow around it twining, 

Tiny sparkling stars are shining. 

Branches bending to the floor, 

With a hundred gifts or more. 

Nuts and candy 

Nice and handy! 

O, my children, it’s a dandy ! 

In your lifetime did you ever 
See a sight so brave and clever! 

Gifts in plenty now in sight. 

Aren’t you glad you came to-night ? 

Give your parents some applause, 

Most of all praise Santa Claus 1 


SANTA CLAUS 


7 


That’s me ! 

Don’t you see, 

I’m as glad as I can be 

Just to think I have the money 

To make you all so gay and funny. 

Now wait I 

It’s getting late. ( Looks at watch.') 
Bless me! nearly half-past eight! 

Now you want your Christmas toys— 

Like to please the girls and boys ! 

( Goes to tree and takes down packages.) 

Is little Minnie Mason 1 handy? 

Here’s a bag of fancy candy. 

Here’s a gift for Mary Brown ; 

Mr. Smith will take it down 
What fun I 

Here’s a gun ! ( Points it at a hoy.) 

Shoot the boy and see him run ! 

This, for Mr. Lowell’s son. 

But O, say ! 

I can’t delay! 

For me to give these things away, 

Would take all night and half the day I 

I must have help ! 

Who’ll volunteer? 

Merry Christmas doesn’t last 
The whole round year ! 

So, my friends, I say, 

I must haste away, 

Santa can’t do everything, 

So lend a hand, I pray. 

(A Tall Man comes up from the audience.) 

Now here’s a man might please a king. 

You’d think he might do anything. 

But he’s too big ! 

He’s too tall! 

To carry merry Christmas gifts, 

I’d rather have him small ! 

1 Substitute local names in place of those above given. 


8 


SANTA CLAUS 


Now how shall I manage, 

And what shall I do ? 

I’m awfully bothered, 

But that’s nothing new 
I have little trials 
And troubles like you ! 

Now up in the land 
Where the beautiful snow, 

Envelops the meadows 
And freezes your toe, 

I'd settle this thing 
In a jiffy, you know. 

I’d call in a dozen 
Most exquisite fairies, 

With eyes shining bright 
Like plump little berries, 

And coats just as white 

As the milk from your dairies. 

And then there’s another 
Strange thing I would do; 

If one were too large, 

Why, I’d chop him in two I 

Now that’s just it ! 

Though he’s not fit, 

He’s plenty big enough for three,— 

And that’s the way it’s going to be I 

Three little Santa Clauses, 

All robed in white 1 
Three little Santa Clauses 
We’ll have to-night 1 

Chop him up and grind him up, 

And make him into pie ! 

Three little Santa Clauses 
Make of him shall I. 

{Repeat these four lines a second time with much spirit and 
action. Santa Claus now uncovers the machine .) 


SANTA CLAUS 


9 


Santa Claus. Now, my good friend, will you do me the 
favor to climb up, nimbly, to the summit of my beautiful new 
machine ? 

Tall Man. What for ? 

Santa Claus. I want to grind you up and make little 
Santa Clauses of you. 

Tall Man. Will it hurt ? 

Santa Claus. Not a bit. You’ll just think you are going 
fast asleep. O you may cry out a little, and groan in your 
dreams, but that’s nothing—that’s natural. Come along. 
Don’t keep us all waiting ! Don’t you see the children are in 
a hurry ? Look 1 they’re getting restless and the babies are 
about to cry ! 

Tall Man. All right, Mr. Santa Claus, anything to 
please the children ! But what will my wife say ? 

Santa Claus. Never mind your wife—there are plenty 
more young men ! I’ll send her a lock of your hair. Come 
now, business before pleasure ! 

Tall Man. All right. ( Climbs up and stands in hopper of 
machine.') Good-bye, everybody! 

(At first throws kisses while Santa Claus begins to turn 
the crank. Later , the Tall Man, as he sinks down } 
show signs of pain , and makes outcry , groaning and cry¬ 
ing out very loud at the last , when he has completely dis¬ 
appeared within the box. Meantime, Santa Claus 
grinds vigorously , sometimes sitting , at other times stand¬ 
ing , keeping at work for some time after the groans have 
ceased to be heard from the box. Then he stops and ex¬ 
amines and raps on the box uneasily , turns again , stops 
and examines. Stands back and strikes an attitude.) 

Santa Claus. 

A terrible old machine is that 1 

Tom Jones contrived it, I’ll bet my hat 1 

It ate up the man all right; but I fear, 

The Santa Claus children will never appear 1 
Now what if it wasted that kind, good man ! 

If it has, I will smash the concern with my hand. 

(Santa Claus examines the machine again , gives it a turn , 
and pronounces it u all right. ’ ’ By this time the three 
children are in the box and ready to come out at the re- 


SANTA CLAUS 


quired time. After turning the crank rapidly for a 
minute or two , Santa Claus stops, faces the audience , 
and repeats the following.) 

Lickety split, you’ll see him run 1 
Now there’s going to be lots of fun I 
Open your eyes for here goes one I 

(Turns about and gives twelve turns of the crank, four to 
correspond with the jingle and measure of each line. 
During this noise, the First Child crawls out of the box 
and runs across the platform and stands partly hidden by 
the Christmas tree. 

Santa Claus (stops and repeats'). 

Hickety, kickety, kangaroo 1 

This is the way I grind them through ! 

Open your eyes for here goes two l 

(Turns the crank as before, but this time the child doesn*t 
come. Santa is much surprised. Looks in the place of 
exit and cries out “ stuck ! ” Takes a broom handle and 
stirs through the hopper, then seizes the crank aud turns 
wildly, repeating the last rhyme at the same time. This 
succeeds in bringing out the Second Child who takes his 
place beside the first. Santa Claus stops and repeats 
the following, keeping time with hands andfeet.) 

Hippity hop to the Christmas tree, 

See if there isn’t a gift for thee 1 
Open your eyes for here goes three 1 

(Turns while Third Child runs out.) 

Now my task is nearly done. 

Seems to me we’ve had some fun. 

Hope you all shall live to see 
Many a gorgeous Christmas tree. 

(Sound of bells is heard.) 

Now I hear the merry jingle 
Of the bells upon the sleigh— 

There are other worthy children, 

I must leave you and away. 


SANTA CLAUS 


II 


Little Fairies, give the boys 

Presents from my Christmas tree 
Give the babies lots of toys, 

And kiss the pretty girls for me. 

(Speaking to the children.') 

Good-bye.—You must try 
To be good till you and I 

Meet again in next December ,—(Moving away.) 
Don’t forget the good I—Remember I 
(Moving towards the door.) December, 

Remember, 
December, 
Remember. [Exit. 




































THE 


OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR 


A CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMENT FOR CHILDREN, 
ADAPTED TO SUNDAY SCHOOL 
OR HOME USE 


BY 

CECILIA P. DENSLOW 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR, 


CHARACTERS. 

Hope. 


January. 

July. 

February. 

August. 

March. 

September. 

April. 

October. 

May. 

November. 

June. 

December, 


For costumes, etc., see following pages. 



Copyright, 1899, by Walter H. Baker & Co. 





THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


3 


COSTUMES. 

Wonders in the way of costumes may be accomplished with 
very simple materials. Bright colored paper muslin or cheese¬ 
cloth, or if possible canton flannel, for foundation, with gilt 
paper for gold, and strips of white canton flannel, inked in long 
spots for fur—ermine—and your performers are effectively 
dressed. 

For Uncle Sam’s coat it will be found easier to dip the stars 
in flour paste, and paste rather than sew them on. For the 
trousers, if broad red and white striped material is not at hand, 
it is easily made by tearing red and white cambric into two- 
inch strips and running it together again on the machine. 

September’s dress may be knee breeches with bright hose 
and low shoes, an ordinary boy’s blouse, rather open at the 
throat, with flowing tie, a sash, and broad straw hat. 

An effective head dress for the Indian girl is made of turkey 
feathers sewed to a strip of cloth about an inch or two in width, 
at distances of about four inches,—this strip is made long 
enough to go around the head like a coronet, and for the end 
to hang to the bottom of the frock, which should be short, and 
preferably of red and yellow, with plenty of beads. 

If limited for time the Kings may be dressed in ordinary 
clothes with the addition of a long “fur” trimmed mantle and 
a gilt crown apiece, although of course a long robe of color 
contrasting to the mantle is more desirable. 

THE CHARACTER OF HOPE. 

The character of Hope should be assumed by a young lady 
of discretion who may be relied upon to set the children 
straight, and prompt them if necessary. 

October, March, August and April, being the smallest chil¬ 
dren—especially April—it may be that their little recitations 
are inaudible to the audience, in which case Hope, after seating 
them, should repeat their speeches, with such slight alterations 
as may be necessary to put them in the third person as in the 
case of August: 

Hot weather in August is always the rule, 

So he stays by the seashore and tries to keep cool, 

His small birthday offering—I have them you see 
Are these pretty shells from the shore of the sea. 

Or, as in the case of April: 

She’s too young yet to go to school. 

So she’s a little April fool, 

Sometimes she’ll laugh, sometimes she’ll cry, etc. 

When there is no tree, it is better for the children to march 
directly off the platform while singing the final carol. 


4 THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 

FURTHER SUGGESTIONS. 

It adds a great deal to the entertainment if music can be 
played for the entrance of each month,—and when it is desira¬ 
ble in cases when the foregoing forms the entire program for 
the evening, to lengthen it considerably, songs appropriate to 
the different months may be sung prior to the entrance of each, 
as “A Skating Song” for January, “Hail Washington for 
February, “ The Stormy Winds ” for March, and so on, familiar 
and old-fashioned songs being used by preference. 




THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


SCENE.— The platform, should be well lighted and tastefully 
trimmed with greens. Upon the wall , in the centre , is hung 
a large picture of the Christ Child. Underneath this is a 
small table covered with a cloth and decorated with greens. 
About midway of the platform , leaving room to pass behind 
and in front of them , are twelve chairs in a semicircle , 
decorated with greens or as taste and convenience may sug¬ 
gest. At a doorway , or whatever entrance there may be to 
the platform , is a large arch of greens , with the date of the 
new year above it in large red or gilt figures. After the 
singing of a carol by the audience , or other appropriate 
music , the door or curtain behind the arch opens and enter 
Hope. Hope should be personated by a young lady in a 
Greek gown of blue,—she wears a little coronet of gilt stars, 
and carries a large gilt anchor. She advances to the 
centre. 

Hope. I am called Hope, a spirit bright, 

The oldest of the sisters three 
Sent to this earth mankind to cheer 
With Faith and with sweet Charity. 

When life seems dark and all forlorn, 

When strength of mind and body tails 
When burdens fall upon the heart 
At which the bravest spirit quails— 

Then come I with my starry crown, 

The emblem bright of heavenly bliss, 

And with my anchor, symbol true 
Of help in stormy worlds like this. 

Then hearts grow strong, the fainting rise 
And lift their eyes to Heaven above, 

And, blessed by Hope, no longer doubt 
The fulness of a father’s love. 

Once, on a happy Christmas eve 
The Hope of all the world was born— 

[Turns and points to the picture . 

5 


















6 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


That holy Babe who came to show 
The coming of the Christian morn. 

That glorious night so long ago, 

We come to-night to celebrate, 

To show in our poor way, our love 
For him we try to imitate. 

[She places her anchor above the picture of the Holy 
Babe , then crosses to the door or curtain framed by the 
arch of greens. 

The old year dies, his time is spent— 

I hear the new year at the gate. [. Listening . 

The months all clamor to come in— 

Time drives them on-—they cannot wait. 

What birthday offerings do they bring ? 

I’ll let them in, then we shall see. 

[Raising her voice as if calling. 
Come, January, happy month— 

The month of hope—the month for me. 

[She opens the door , or draws the curtain and January 
enters. He is dressed in scarlet , trimmed with fur, 
wears a skatuig cap , and carries a branch of ever¬ 
green. 

January. I’m January, the bright and merry, 

The Happy New Year I bring 

I’m young and I’m strong and I hurry along 

As swift as a bird on the wing. 

I’ve come from the land of the never-has-been 
Right into the land of to-be, 

I’m full of good wishes and promises bright 
And anxious the future to see. 

I bring to you hope for the days coming on 
And strength for the days that are here, 

So welcome me gladly with laughter and song— 

The hopefullest month of the year. 

This evergreen branch on the altar I place, 

[He turns a?id places the branch on the draped 
table beneath the picture. 

A token it is, and a sign 

Of the evergreeen promise the dear Lord has given, 
Beginning with this month of mine. 

[He sits in the first chair to the left of the audience. 
Hope still stands by the door. 

Hope. Who’s coming now ? Why, a blustering fellow 

With hail snow and ice, and with winds that loud 
bellow. 

Shall we let him in too ? yes, really I think so, 

For, although he’s savage, and makes us all shrink so 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


1 


Yet Washington’s birthday comes in with him yearly, 

So every good patriot should love him dearly. 

Come then, February, and try to be clever 
Don’t freeze your good friends into icicles ever. 

Enter February, a small boy dressed in Continental costume 
of blue and buff, and carrying a laurel wreath. 

February. Good-evening, good friends, I’m afraid you 
don’t like me, 

But Washington did, so why shouldn’t you, too ? 

I know I am rough but it doesn’t quite strike me, 

I’m ugly enough to be hated by you. 

You all love George Washington, soldier, and hero, 

So think of me kindly for his sake, I pray, 

[Turns to picture. 

And here, in his mem’ry, this laurel wreath dear—O ! 
Greater than Washington, humbly I lay. 

\Lays wreath on altar and sits next to January. Hope 
opens door and looks out , but closes it quickly again. 
Hope. My ! how everything is blowing 

First it rains and then it’s snowing 
Forty weathers in a minute— 

March has come, his hand is in it. 

Dust in March the proverb teaches, 

High as a king’s ransom reaches,* 

For when dust has really come 
That’s a sign the frost has gone. 

[ Opens the door again. 
Come, then, noisy little fellow 
With your peck of dust so yellow. 

March, a small boy dressed as a farmer , in check shirt 
and overalls , and big straw hat , rushes in, puffing as 
if out of breath. He carries a peck measure contain- 
ing fine sand, graham flour, or something of that 
nature, to simulate dust. 

March. Whoo ! what a blast! 

I’ve hurried so fast 

I’m quite out of breath as you see. 

The winter is done, 

And spring has begun, 

And farmers are waiting for me. 

I’ve nothing to bring 
But dust of the spring, 

But offer it freely I must 
In mem’ry of one, 

* Note .—“A peck of March dust is vjorth a king's ransom .” 


8 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


Our Father’s dear Son, 

Who gloriously rose from the dust, 
r He takes a handful of his “ dust ” and throws it high in 
the air , in a little cloud , then places the measure with 
the other offerings and sits next February. Hope 
looks out. 

Hope. Here comes a little girl, all laugh and song 
Who seems as happy as the day is long, 

Why no—dear me !—she’s crying !—how is this ? 
We’d rather see you smile, my little Miss. 

That’s right! Oh, now she’s laughing—come along, 
And sing for all these folks your little song. 

What! crying more ? Oh, no, don’t be afraid, 

Come, smile for us, sweet little April maid. 

Enter April, the tiniest girl possible , in a white frock pro¬ 
fusely trimmed with green crepe paper cut into a fringe , 
to resemble grass. She wears a tall dunce's cap and carries 
a bunch of grass. 

April. I’m too young yet to go to school, 

So I am a little April fool;— 

Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, 

Though really, I can’t tell you why. 

I am the baby of the Spring, 

Green grass is all that I can bring. 

[Hope seats her beside March, and puts her 
bunch of grass on the altar. 

Hope. The green grass springs upon the earth, 

Birds in the trees begin to sing, 

And everywhere glad sounds of mirth 
Proclaim the joyous reign of Spring. 

Sweet sounds are in the balmy air, 

The sun shines warm through all the day, 

She comes ! she comes ! The sweet, the fair, 

The ever-welcome month of May. 

Enter May dressed in white lavishly trimmed with flowers. 
She wears a crown and carries a sceptre , personating a 
May Queen. 

May. Make way for the Queen ! Make way for the Queen ! 
My crown and my sceptre all people obey. 

My court is the loveliest one ever seen, 

I rule there with splendor, tho’ but for a day. 

The birds and the .flowers all bow to my will, 

The fields blossom gaily to pleasure my eye, 

I bring the bright verdure to clothe vale and hill, 

The purest of blue do I bring for the sky. 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


9 


I’ve come here to-night some sweet flowers to bring, 

The off ring they are of a glad, thankful heart, 

To twine ’round the picture of Jesus our King, 

In keeping His birthday to do my small part. 

[She detaches a long garland from her frock and twines 
it around the picture , then sits by April 
Hope. And now we see, advancing on her way, 

The elder sister of the smiling May. 

The month of balmy nights and sunny days, 

When one could be content to lie and laze, 

Beneath the brilliance of her happy smile 
Forgetting all our troubles for a while. 

Sweetest of summer months ; with joy we greet 
The welcome sound of her approaching feet. 

Her only fault is that she goes too soon, 

Come then, sweet month ! Come rosy month of June ! 

Enter June dressed in pink , trimmed with roses and foliage. 
She wears a chaplet of pink roses. 

JUNE. I also am a queen, the queen of flowers, 

Pink, red and white, my subjects bloom so fair, 

And yellow too, to deck the summer bowers, 

And fill with sweetness all the summer air. 

Rose is my name, and roses are my crown, 

The crown that I surrender freely here, 

In mem’ry of the crown of thorns, pressed down 
Upon the forehead of our Saviour dear, 
r she removes her crown and places it with the other 
offerings , and sits beside May. Hope starts towards 
the door~ but a loud noise of shouting , stamping and 
banging outside makes her retire hastily to the front 
of the stage , she looks around inquiringly. The noise 
ceases for a while for HOPE to speak. 

HOPE. Oh, my ! what a racket ! what’s that, that I hear ? 
Dear me ! why I’m almost inclined to feel fear. 

If only I dared, I’d peep out there and see 
What all the commotion can possibly be. 

[The nohc starts again. 

I’ll do it ! [She advances and peeps out the door. 
Hurrah ! 

[The noise gradually subsides so Hope can be heard. 
Why, it’s only July, 

He’s thinking of seventy-six, and that’s why 
He’s been laughing and shouting and jumping about, 
Till he fairly has turned the whole place inside out. 
Come, Independence month, haste and draw nigh, 

All good Americans love you, July. 


IO 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


July marches briskly in to the tune of Yankee Doodle played 
by someone on the piano. He is dressed as a miniature 
Uncle Sam , and carries a flag . 

July. Phew ! but I’m warm, some one give me a fan, 

Some ice water, too, wouldn’t taste very bad. 

Well, summer has come, and tho 1 some folks complain, 
Vacation’s here too, and the children are glad. 

Hurrah for the holidays, then give three cheers 
For Fourth of July, the great day of them all. 

Let cannons boom loudly in every one’s ears 
For America’s rise, and for slavery’s fall. 

[He turns to the other months. 

Hurrah for the flag now ! 

[All the other months together. 
Hurrah ! hip ! hurrah ! 

[To audience again. 

The flag of our Union, our glory, our all 

[He raises it on high. 
July gives the flag, he can offer no more 
For His love, without whom flag and country would fall. 
[He drapes his flag across the altar and sits by JUNE. A 
gentle knock is heard at the door. Hope listens j it is 
repeated louder ; she hastens to open the door. 

Hope. Here’s a little sailor boy 

Knocking gently at the gate, 

Why it’s August, I declare, 

Out of breath for fear he’s late. 

No, my dear, you’re quite in time, 

July just has gone before. 

You look warm, I know you are, 

Tho’ you come from off the shore. 

As she speaks the last two lines she leads AUGUST to the 
frojit of the platform. He is dressed in a sailor suit , and 
carries a basket of sea-shells. 

AUGUST. Hot weather in August is always the rule, 

So I stay by the seashore and try to keep cool, 

My small birthday offerings—take them for me — 
[He hands shells to Hope. 
Are these pretty shells from the shores of the sea. 
[Hope seats him by July and puts shells on altar . 
Hope. Now a cooler breeze is blowing 
All around, 

And the grain that has been growing 
Is on the ground. 

Soon our winter stores we’ll gather 
From the fields, 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


II 


Thanking our most bounteous father 
For the yields. 

Now September walks o’er hill and meadow, 

As he comes 

We begin to feel the winter’s shadow 
On our homes. 

Come September ! bring o’erflowing measure 
Here to-night ; 

Bring the plenteous golden harvest treasure, 

Grain so bright. 

Enter September, in fancy peasant costume , with a wreath 
of poppies round his broad-brimmed hat. He carries a 
sheaf of grain and a sickle. 

September. I am September—when I walk the earth 

From all around are heard glad sounds of mirth. 
For now we harvest in the ripened grain, 

Until our empty barns are full again. 

The sun and I are friends, still warm he shines 
Upon the bending trees and teeming vines, 

And, like the sun, I come mankind to bless 
With the rich promise of earth’s fruitfulness. 

My birthday offering is this golden sheaf, 

Twill bring to starving bodies quick relief. 

But think of starving souls, oh friends, so dear! 

And gather in Christ’s harvest, year by year. 

\Places sheaf on altar and sits by AUGUST. 
HOPE. October brings the Indian summer days 

When o’er the fields is spread a tender haze, 

And once again we feel the sun’s warm heat 
Where summer tarries yet with lingering feet. 

The apples drop upon the cushioned sod, 

A cool breeze rustles in the golden rod, 

Beneath the trees, each gay in Autumn suit 
October, come ! Come month of ripened fruit. 

October enters, a little girl in brown frock trimmed with 
autumn leaves (bright colored paper ) and carrying a horn 
of plenty , or basket filled with fruit. 

October. October brings the fruits of all the fall, 

Apples and nuts and pears,—and more than all 
I bring the purple grapes that made the wine 
For the last supper of our Lord divine. 

[Hope puts fruit on altar and seats 
October by September. 

Hope. Here’s a little Indian maiden 
With a yellow pumpkin laden. 


12 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


She’s a mem’ry of the old times, 

Those heroic days, the bold times, 

When the wild, untutored savage 
Used New England towns to ravage 
In his ignorance and blindness, 

Until tamed, and taught by kindness, 

Red and white men joined, in giving 
To the Lord praise and thanksgiving. 

Those were men of might and daring, 

What they wrought, we now are sharing,— 

Those were days of toil and trouble, 

What they sowed we reap in double, 

All this thankfully remember 

When you see her. Come, November ! 

Enter November, dressed as an Indian girl , carrying an 
immense pumpkin. 

November. The harvest is gathered, the people are gay, 
The fruits and the nuts are stored safely away, 
November comes in with her great day of praise, 

And thanks to our bountiful father we raise. 

With hands that are willing, and heart that is light, 
Thanksgiving here offers this pumpkin so bright, 

As pledge of good fellowship, mirth and good cheer, 

The one festal day of the Puritan’s year. 

Our best thanks we offer for yield of the ground 
And all of the blessings that yearly abound, 

But most do we thank our dear Father above 
For the gift of our Lord Jesus Christ and His love. 

[November may put her pumpkin on the floor during 
her speech j she then places it by the altar and sits by 
the side of October. 

Hope. Now softly falls the pure white snow, 

The world is draped in spotless white 
To greet December as she comes, 

The month of the most holy night. 

Month of the hopes of all the year, 

Month of the birthday of our Lord, 

Who in a lowly manger lay, 

A tiny babe, and yet adored. 

If possible have a singer sing Adam's “Noel"—Christmas 
song. As it closes enter December, dressed as night , in 
black with veil spangled with silver stars , and one large 
gilt star in her hair. 

December. I am the dark December night, 

When shepherds watching on the plain 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. I $ 

Beheld the skies with glory bright, 

While angels sang “ good will to men.” 

God gave that night a gift to man, 

That grows in splendor year by year, 

Its glory yet the world shall span, 

And Christ to every heart be dear. 

Three Kings I bring to celebrate 
The coming of the Christian year, 

The holy night of Bethlehem, 

The birthday of our Lord so dear. 

Hope stands by the altar. December goes to the door and 
opens it. Enter the “ Three Kings of Orient,” led by 
December, the three singing the old carol. 

The Kings. We, Three Kings of Orient are 
Bearing gifts, we traverse afar, 

Field and fountain, moor and mountain, 
Following yonder star. 

[All on stage join in the chorus. 
CHORUS. Star of wonder, star of night, 

Star with royal beauty bright, 

Westward leading, still proceeding, 

Guide us to thy perfect light. 

Hallelujah, amen. 

Hallelujah, amen. 

Hallelujah ! Hallelujah ! Amen. 

[December seats herself by November ; the Three 
Kings stand at front of platform. 

FIRST King. Born a King on Bethlehem’s plain, 

Gold I bring to crown him again, 

King forever, ceasing never 
Over us all to reign. 

\As they all sing “ Star of Wonder ,” etc., First King 
L passes to altar and places there the gilt crown , which 
he carries on a small cushion. 

Second King. Frankincense to offer have I, 

Incense owns a deity nigh ; 

Prayers and praising all men raising, 
Worship him, God on high. 

{Chorus.) 

[During chorus Second King places a small gilt box 
which he carries , on the altar , and stands with First 
King directly behind the months. 

Third King. Myrrh is mine, its bitter perfume 
Breathes a scent of gathering gloom, 


14 


THE OFFERINGS OF THE YEAR. 


Fainting, sighing, bleeding, dying, 

Sealed in the stone cold tomb. 

{Chorus.) 

[Third King places small gilt urn or bottle with 
other gifts and stands by other Kings. 

Hope. The tale is told, the gifts of all the year 
Lie heaped in plenty on the altar here, 

Where every month has brought its choicest part 
To show a loving and a thankful heart. 

As God once gave his dearest gift to man, 

So now we all will do the best we can, 

Each giving to the other what he may 
In memory of the first great Christmas day.* {See below.) 
Behold this noble tree, its varied fruit 
We trust will everybody’s fancy suit, 

But ere we strip it, once more join with me 
And sing a merry carol blithe and free. 

[All join in first verse of some joyful carol. At beginning 
of second verse HOPE marches from centre of back to 
her right, followed by the Three Kings ; they turn the 
corner by January and march in a circle once round 
the chairs. As they pass January he rises and fol¬ 
lows ; February rises and follows , and so on until all 
are marching in a circle round the platform to the 
music of the carol , all still singing. At the close all 
may march off, or they may form in line at back of 
stage and assist in the distribution of gifts from the 
tree. If there is no tree , start the final carol at *. 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS 


& Cfjristmas gHag m ©tie Set 


BY 


MRS. CHAS. F. FERNALD 







CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


CHARACTERS 


Stranger (Papa). 


Santa Claus. 

Mercury. 

Zero. 

Miner. 


Mother. 

Harry. 

Tottie. 


N ERE ID. 


Christmas Eve , 


Scene. — A poorly furnished room; no fire. Mother 
sewing. Harry and Tottie playing. Santa Claus 
is seen peeping in behind window , if possible , or 
side door or wing will answer. Two little stockings 
hang from the fireplace. 

Harry. Mamma! I ’spect Santa Claus will bring 
me, oh! ever such a big horse to-night; if I see him 
coming in I won’t say a word, but I shall keep both of 
my eyes wide open. Don’t 3 t ou think he will, mamma? 

Mother [sadly ] No, dear, I’m afraid he will not 
think of you to-night. Santa Claus likes to go where 
people have plenty of money. [Ncm£a Claus shakes his 
head reproachfully.'] You know I have very little now, 
Harry, almost none. 

Harry. Why, Santa Claus need n’t be mean about 
a horse, mamma ! it is only made of wood, with a skin 
on it. It don’t take much money. 


3 



4 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


Tottie. Mamma, I want a great, large doll, so big 
[measures with hands'], with long curls, and a sun¬ 
shade and boots and a hat. Won’t he bring it, 
mamma ? 

Mother. No, darling, I’m afraid not. If mamma 
had enough money, she would buy Tottie a dolly and 
Harry a horse ; but mamma has only enough to buy 
some bread and a little butter for dinner to-morrow, 
and we must have something to eat. [Aside,] Though 
I can’t see where our next day’s food is coming from. 
But I must trust and hope for the best. 

Harry. When papa was here we had lots of toys, 
and plenty to eat. When do you think he will come 
home, mamma? 

Mother [iceeps]. O Harry, dear, I wish I could tell! 
What shall we do if he never comes ? 

Harry. O mamma, he will come, I know he will; 
don’t cry, mamma dear! we ’ll be very good ; and I 
don’t care much about the horse, — they ’re only wood ! 
Don’t cry, mamma! 

Tottie. No, mamma, please don’t cry ! I know papa 
will come, and I know Santa Claus will bring me a nice 
dolly. \_Santa Glaus nods repeatedly.] I’m sure he 
will. 

Mother. I hope he will, darling ! but now you must 
go to bed, as I have to take home this work, or we 
shall not have even bread and butter for dinner to¬ 
morrow. 

[ They embrace , and children retire , throwing kisses to 
mother , who smiles and nods.] 

Mother \_weeps violently J. Will he ever come back? 

I cannot endure this much longer! [Santa Glaus impes 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


5 


eyes and hloics nose violently. Hark ! what’s that? I 
thought I heard a noise. I’m growing so nervous, so 
weak, I fear I shall be — No, I ’ll try not to fear; I 
shall be taken care of, and my little darlings too. Ah, 
I care much more for them than for mj^self. Christmas 
eve, and not a single thing to put in the little empty 
stockings, poor darlings ! Is there no way of getting 
something for them? [Santa Claus nods violently, j I 
will see. [ Counts money. ] Only fifteen cents! But 
I ought to have twent} r -five cents for making that wrap¬ 
per ! No, that will not more than keep us m food for 
two days, and the poor little things must do without 
Santa Claus this year. [ Santa Claus shakes head 
decidedly .] Now I must go and hurry back. I don’t 
like to leave them alone. [Puts on old shawl and hat . J 
Oh, how cold the wind is to-night! 

[ Exit. Heavy knock at door, repeated two or three 
times; enter Stranger, dressed in warm, handsome 
clothes; carries large hag and valise; looks around.] 
Stranger. Will you be kind enough to— What! 
no one in, and the door not fastened? I ’ll wait awhile. 
[Sits; places a hag on each side, carefully."] Hope I’m 
not intruding ; I’m very tired ; perhaps some one will 
come. 

[Enter Mercury; runs across the stage, very fast ; 
turns to run hcick.~\ 

Mercury. Oh, I’m in the wrong place ! 

[Stranger intercepts him; they dodge several times; 
Stranger chases him around the stage; catches him. ] 
Stran. Hullo, young man, you seem to be in a great 
hurry ; but I want you to tell me where Mrs. — 

Mer. Can’t do it sir. [Starts away and runs.] 


6 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


Stran. Yes ; but you must, though, if you can. 
What are you in such a hurry for? 

Mer. [about to run J. Why, you see Santa Claus has 
an order, —* an extra one, — and it’s quite late ; so 
don't keep me. [ Starts off; Stranger catches him. J 

Stran. What’s that to you? 

Mer. Not much, to be sure ; but what he does want, 
he wants in a hurry. I am just going to step over to 
Mt. Lebanon to get a cedar-tree to make the body with. 

Stran. The body? What body? 

Mer. Why, of the horse, to be sure, for the order, 
— the extra order ; and it has to be a first-rate, A No. 1 
kind, because the poor little boy’s father is away, and 
his mother has no money to buy him one ; so let me go. 

[ Tries to run.] 

Stran. Just tell me what little boy it is for, and I 
will let you go. 

Mer. But I can’t, you know; I have n’t time. I ai v 
the fleetest messenger, and it is all to be done by mid. 
night. I must run or fly for the cedar-tree ; then pop 
over to India for Miss Doll's petticoats ; to Africa for 
sand to make her e} r es and some for the horse, and 
ivory for her teeth and the parasol handle ; then jump 
over to France for silks — oh, several kinds, for different 
little toggeries —for the doll, I mean, not for the horse. 

1 sha’n't be long after you let me start. I take my 
horse Locomotive to the ocean, where Capt. Nemo, 
of the ship “Nautilus," is waiting for me; so good 
by, now, I shall be back before you can say — [ Runs 

off very fast. J 

Stran. [loudly] . Just tell me — Oh, dear, he’s off 
and never told— 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


7 


Enter Zero [runs in long strides across stage; turns 
back']. Oh, I’m in the wrong place. 

£tran. [intercepts him]. Will you please tell me 
where Mrs. — 

Zero. Oh, I can’t. You’d better not touch me, or I 
may nip your fingers and toes. 

Stran. But just tell me — 

Zero. Oh, I can’t — can’t stop. You see Santa Claus 
has an order, — an extra order, — and he has sent me to 
the north pole to get a few skins, reindeer skins, to cover 
it with. I ’ll find them in Lapland. And I have to get 
some sealskins for the dolly’s furs, and some leather 
from Russia, for stirrups and reins, —you know that’s 
extra fine leather, — and while I am there I want to 
start a real old-fashioned snow-storm. Christmas is n’t 
much without a snow-storm for the little chaps, — with 
their new sleds, } 7 ou know,— and that needs a good north 
wind ; so I must be off and set it blowing, or the south 
wind may get the best of me and send rain: and who 
wants rain on Christmas day? So good by. I go by 
telegraph, and the wires are splendidly frozen. I sha’n’t 
be long; the horse and doll must be finished by mid¬ 
night. [Runs off in long strides.] 

Stran. Now he’s gone, and never told me where to 
find my dear — 

[Enter Miner. Runs fast across stage; turns to run 
back.] 

Miner . Oh ! I’m in the wrong place. 

Stran.' [intercepts him]. Now, don’t you be in such 
a hurry; but be kind enough to tell me where — 

Miner. Couldn’t think of it; and besides, I never 
heard of the name in my life. I’m in a tremendous 


8 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


hurry. [Runs a few steps; Stranger intercepts him; 
they struggle .] Don’t you understand? Santa Claus 
has an order,—an extra order. I’m one of his mes¬ 
sengers, and I’ve to go down more than five hundred 
feet in the earth and back before midnight, or else 
Harry can’t have his horse, you know; so be reason¬ 
able and let a fellow go, can’t you? 

Stran. Harry! Did you say Harry? Oh, do tell 
me what his other name — 

Miner. Don’t I tell you I can’t stop ? My pneu¬ 
matic car won’t wait twenty seconds for one passenger. 
Then I’ve to find metals to make springs, nails, parts 
of stirrups, and lots of other things, and if I don’t get 
there in time for the next puff I shall be too late; so 
here goes, and I go. 

[Runs off very fast. ] 

Stran. Now he’s gone, and never told me where 
to find my dear — 

[Enter Nereid. Skips and dances across stage lightly , 
but nimbly; turns to exit.'] 

Ner. Oh! I’m in the wrong place. 

[Stranger intercepts her.] 

Stran. Good little lady, or fairy, or whatever you 
are! Will you be kind enough to tell me where 
Mrs. — 

Ner. No, sir; indeed, I’m very busy. I haven’t 
time for talking, for Santa Claus has an order, — an 
extra order, — and I am one of his messengers ; so 
you see if the horse and doll are not ready by mid- 
night, the little boy and—oh, such a dear little girl 
will be so terribly disappointed, because their father 
is away, and their mother is very poor, and they ’ll 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


9 


have nothing else : so I must float right away down to 
the sea. 

Stran. Down to the ichat? 

Ner. To the sea, sir, — the lovely Mediterranean, — 
to find pearls for dolly’s necklace. It won’t take long : 
my balloon is at the door. When I have found the 
pearls, I’ll jump again into nry pretty, fluttering bal¬ 
loon, which will carry me to the ocean, where m} r whale 
is waiting. [Looks at watch. ] Yes, he has been 
waiting five tenths of a second for me ; he will be 
vexed, and put on airs. I can tell you, sir, to ride on 
an airy whale is no easy matter, if— 

Stran. Why, what in the world do you want to ride 
a whale for ? 

Ner. [,surprised ]. Why, how else can I find pearls 
and corals for dolly’s set of jewelry, or whalebone to 
make the frame of her parasol? My whale knows just 
how to find the coast where the dead whales’ heads 
float, and all I have to do is to go inside one of their 
dead mouths and find lots and lots of whalebone. 
Why, once I counted three hundred pieces in one of 
them ! We must have a parasol, because Tottie, the 
darling, said particularly that — 

Stran. Tottie? Tottie who? What is her last — 



Ner. Not one word more; I must go. [Dances 


off-1 


Stran. Now she ’s gone, and never told me where — 
[Enter Mercury. ] 

Mer. [slowly, sadly , covers face , and cries aloud']. 
Boo, hoo ! boo, hoo ! 

Stran . Hullo there, young man ! what s the matter ? 
Are you making that noise because you had only to go 


10 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


to Africa and a few other villages not so very far away? 
What is the matter ? 

Mer. Boo, hoo ! Capt. Nemo’s been and gone with¬ 
out me ! If it had n’t been that you kept me here so 
long, he would have waited a half-second longer. What 
will Santa Claus say — boo, hoo ! — and the poor little 
children? Oh, dear, I do feel so bad ! [ Weeps.] 

Stran. I’m truly sorry, my dear fellow, to be the 
cause of your disappointment. But wipe your eyes and 
let us see if we can find anything in this bag which will 
do instead. [ Opens bag; they both ■«&.] Didn't you 
say j^ou wanted silk ? [Draws out pretty silk.'] And India 
muslin? [Draws out muslin.] And sand for eyes ? look 
at these eyes. [ Takes up box of glass eyes.] And ivory ? 
here is plenty, and nice ivory too. [Shows it.] I know 
where to get the nicest log of cedar you ever saw ; so 
don’t worry. 

Mer. [dances about stage, hugs, drops, and picks up 
things, etc.]. Worry? no, indeed, never again. Oh, I 
am so glad, so very much obliged to you, sir. Oh, 
won’t Santa Claus and those little fellows be delighted? 
He told me to heap them here. [ Drops things carefully 
back centre stage.] By the way, didn't you want to 
know about some one, and I was in such a hur — 

[Enter Zero.] 

Zero [tramps about stage angrily, shakes fist at 
Stranger, scowls at him]. All his fault; he ‘d no busi¬ 
ness to stop me. 

Stran. What’s the matter with you, Mr. Frostiness : 
could n’t you catch the north wind, or find the north 
pole in time for a snow-storm? Hope you are not 
cold. 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


11 


Zero. Wish I was colder ; wish I was an icicle ; then 
I would not melt — cry, I mean. [ Cries loud and 
angrily. ] The south wind did get the best of me, for 
the rain thawed the wires before I had gone five or six 
hundred miles, and I could n’t go fast enough, and here 
I am without a thing that Santa Claus wants for Christ¬ 
mas. Boo, hoo, hoo! 

[Mercury whispers to him , points to Stranger and 
things from hag. Zero suddenly stops weeping, and 
they talk in pantomime for a while.'] 

Stran. See here, Mr. Frostiness, I hope that no 
coolness will exist between us on account of my detain¬ 
ing you. I am very sorry. Just step here a moment: 
although I know there is no snow-storm, there may be 
something in my bag you will like. What do you think 
of this ? [j Holds up large, handsome skin.] And this ? 
[Shows sealskins, reins, etc.] Will these, think you, 
do for your good master, Santa Claus ? 

[Zero jumps about in delight, puts things hack of 
stage with others, attempts to embrace Stranger.] 

Stran . All right, sir; I don’t mind clear coldness, 
but object to mistiness. [They embrace.] If you had 
only told me what I wanted to know, I could have told 
you what I had here, instead of your flying off thou¬ 
sands of miles to get what lay at your feet. But who 
is this ? Oh, poor Mr. Miner! He too does not look 
excessively happy. 

[Enter Miner; face wet and very black; digs eyes 
with dirty fists; weeps.] 

Miner. Oh, dear me ! Oh, dear, dear, dear, dear! 
Oh, oh, oh, oh! 

Stran. Well, well, my man! you too in trouble? 


12 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


Could n’t you find your metals and things ? You are 
not hurt, are you ? 

Miner. Yes, awfully! 

All. Oh, where, where? 

Miner. In — my — feelings ! 

Stran. Oh, never mind your feelings, — ’tis like a 
baby to cry for that; not like a great, strong fellow, as 
you are! 

Miner. I ’m thinking of the two babies who will cr}^ 
to-morrow when their horse and doll don’t come ! Oh, 
dear, dear! 

Mer. [whispers. Same pantomime as before']. Ask 
him. 

[Points to Stranger.] 

Stran. No, he needn’t ask me. See here, Mr. 
Metal, see if we can find what you want, as well as if 
you went down a shaft several hundred feet ? 

[Takes out brass-headed nails , springs , large and 
small stirrups , etc. Miner dances about.] 

Miner. I say, sir, you are the jolliest man I ever saw 
in my life ! and that you have saved me from misery ! 
and these lovely things, all ready to use right off! Oh, I 
never can thank you enough ! and Harry will too, when — 

[Enter Nereid , enveloped in large white shawl thrown 
over head; comes in slowly , head bowed , walks all round 
stage in silence.] 

Ner. Oh, dear ! Oh, dear, dear ! 

Stran. Well, here is another Oh, dear ! 

[Mercury follows her on tiptoe; tries to see her face , 
which is covered.] 

Mer. Why, it is Nereid! Poor Nereid! What’s 
the matter, Nereid? 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


13 


[$7ie shakes head silently. ] 

Stran. What is your trouble, little mermaid? You 
seem to be under a cloud. Was the whale airy? Did 
he refuse to take you under the sea ? 

Ner. [sadly], Yes, dreadfully airy, and so vexed 
because I did not get there sooner! and just as soon 
as ever I jumped on his back and told him where to go, 
he spouted at me so unkindly, and said so many real 
mean things, and whisked his tail so angrily, that I 
told him I would leave him. [Weeps.] Then he 
spouted more unkindly than before, and said he did n’t 
care if he never should sea me again! So I came 
back. What will Santa Claus and those poor little 
things — dear little Tottie — do now? 

[ Weeps. Mercury whispers to her. Same pantomime 
as before .] 

Stran. Dear little Miss Mermaid, don’t cry any 
more ; you ’ll spoil your merry blue eyes. Come here, 
little fairy, and see what this bag has in it. Perhaps 
your eyes may shine instead of weep. Will this be of 
any service, little Undine? 

[Takes out doll , doll’s sunshade , strings of pearls , 
coral , various kinds of beads , and things for dolVs 
wardrobe. Nereid throws away shawl, catches the 
things , arid waltzes around the stage holding beads in 
graceful attitudes. ] 

Ner. Oh, you beauties, you perfectly lovely dar¬ 
lings ! Won’t Tottie be delighted? [Stops at Stranger 
and kneels before lum.] Oh, sir!, how shall I thank 
you for giving me all these lovely things for — 

Stran. By telling me the names of Harry’s and Tot- 
tie’s mother. 


14 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


Ner. I will most gladly, but not to-night. Wait 
till to-morrow morning at six o’clock. If you will be 
here then, you shall know all you will, [ij&ses.] May 
I kiss you for bringing all these pretty things for Tot- 
tie? 

[Kisses him,.] 

Stran. I know you will keep your promise. At six 
1 will be here. Good by till six. [Exit.'] 

[Enter Santa Claus.] 

S. C. Well done, well done, my fine fellows! 
Drag in the log, Mercury ! let’s begin at once. Miner, 
shape the horse; Zero, fit the skin; Mercury, put on 
mane and tail; while I fit the eyes. [ All fall to work 
busily.] I see little Nereid knows what to do. [Nereid 
displays patterns , doll’s garments; cuts silk , etc.'] Do 
it all first-class, boys ; no shirk work about this. This 
job must be A No. 1. 

All. Ay, ay, sir ; that it shall. 

S. C. Christmas only comes once a year, and we 
must follow the Golden Rule, sure, this day of all days. 
We do what we can to make other people happy, es¬ 
pecially the little ones, the dear little children. Why, 
it makes me feel so happy to think how glad they ’ll be 
[rubs hands and laughs] when they all wake to-morrow ! 
Now tell me honestly, every one, is there anything that 
makes you as happy as trying to give happiness to 
others ? 

All. No, sir ; nothing, nothing at all. 

[Curtain falls slowly , all working fast. When curtain 
rises , are seen near centre stage a fine , large spring or 
rocking horse , large , handsome doll standing with hat on , 
sunshade open , trunk, articles belonging to wardrobe 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 15 

displayed. If a f<e and breakfast-table and Christmas 
tree could be added , it would greatly help the effect.] 

\_Enter Stranger. ] 

Stran. She said six o’clock ; it is not quite six, but 
oh, it seems so long to wait! I have n’t slept at all. 1 
wish she would— [Sees the toys .] Oh, then they 
made them after all. How handsome they are! I 
wonder [sft/7is] if my little darlings will have an}' toys ? 
Oh, where can they be ? Perhaps suffering with their 
poor mother for food, while I have plenty, — plenty of 
money for them if I could only find — [Starts.] 

[Enter Mother. ] 

Mother [ does not see Stranger or toys ]. Christmas 
day. Oh, what a Christmas day ! Out till nearly mid¬ 
night, and could not get a cent for my work. Are we 
to — must we — starve ? My — [ Perceives Stranger.] 

Stran. Never 1 [ Rushes to and embraces her.] 
Never , my wife, my own dear wife ! 

Mother. Oh, my husband ! Is it really you ? Have 
you come at last ? 

[Santa Claus and all come quietly in and, group about 
the toys. Look very happy and full of joy.] 

[Enter Harry.] 

Harry. Mamma, mamma it’s Christmas! [/Stops 
on seeing Stranger , who rushes forward , clasps and 
brings him front in his arms; kisses him.] Are you 
my papa? did Santa Claus bring you back? 

Mother. No, darling, Santa Claus is very good, but 
he could not bring dear papa back; it was some one 
even much better than Santa Claus. 

[All boiv heads and remain silent for a few moments. 
Enter Tottie .] 


16 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


Tottie. Mamma, mamma, did my dolly come, 
mamma? [Stops; looks at Papa.~\ Who’s that; is it 
my dear papa? [ Stranger clasps her fondly and kisses 
Aer.] Papa, did you tell Mr. Santa Claus to bring me 
a great big doll ? 

S. C. Hum! [ They all turn and look; children 
scream with delight and rush at toys. Harry mounts 
horse y Tottie hugs and kisses doll and looks at loard- 
robe:\ No, my dear, you told me your own little self. 
I heard you and Harry wishing for them last night, and 
these little people round me have done all they could to 
make you happy. 

Nereid, Mercury , Zero , and Miner. But we could n't 
have done it if the Papa had not given us the things. 
We were all too late to get them ourselves. 

Mercury. Yes, we were flying all over creation for 
things which lay here at our feet. 

Stranger . But it ’a all right now, and all, I trust, 
will have a “ Merry Christmas.’’ 

All. Yes, all, all have a “ Merry Christmas." 

Mzr. Yes, a merry Christmas to all! 

Although my steed, whose fiery breath and voice of 
steam, oh, 

Took me, with lightning speed of locomotion. 

Full twenty thousand leagues was Captain Nemo 

Beneath the sea, ere I could reach the ocean. 

Zero. 

And though I travelled fifty miles a minute 

To catch old Boreas, with speed telegraphic, 

Lost him, but found this bag, with all things in it, 

Except my storm of snow, which can’t be bought 
as traffic. 


CHRISTMAS CAPERS. 


17 


Miner. 

In my pneumatic car I should have flown down, 

If Zero had to business well attended ; 

-To travel south a north wind must be blown down. 

But things are all O. K., and no one is offended. 
Ner. 

And I don’t mind if my old whale was airy, 

While Tottie’s diamond eyes with joy are dancing; 
May pearly gems of love surround the fairy, 

And weave a golden crown while life’s advancing. 

[Embraces Tottie.] 

Papa. 

Good Santa Claus, and these your helpers willing, 

Who pass no door where poverty is pressing, 

While love and thanks to you our hearts are tilling, 
May every Christmas day bring you a blessing. 
Mother. 

Forgive me, Santa Claus ; I thought no other 
Would think of my dear babes but their poor mother ; 

I often did forget the sun was shining, — 

That every cloud must have a silver lining. 

Santa Glaus [to audience]. 

Dear friends, I wish you all large share of earthly bliss, 
And hope each Christmas day will ever bring — 

Harry. A nice, large horse like this. 

[All join hands and dance round children; Harry on 
horseback , Tottie hugging her doll on a high seat.] 


Curtain . 




Return of Mother Goose 


21 Christmas ^lag tn Scenes 


BY 

OLIVIA LOVELL WILSON 


/ 

















* I 














RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE 


CHARACTERS: 


Mother Goose 
Santa Claus 


Hubbard 

Bo-peep 

Nan 

Jill 

Chorus 


Mr. Sprat, Mrs. Sprat 
Jack 

Tommy Tucker 


Mistress Mary, Quite Contrary 


Fido * 


COSTUMES : 


Mother Goose.— The quaint quilted under-dress with high- 
looped over-dress ; large bowed slippers, peaked hat, frilled 
cap, spectacles, and cane. 

Hubbard. — The same dress, with the cape and hood, that have 
become established styles in Mother Hubbards. 

The children all wear exaggerated aesthetic dresses, until the 
last part of the second act, when they return to the dress 
found in the old Mother Goose editions. 

Jill wears calico dress, long-sleeved white apron, and cap, all 
through the play. Nan is dressed likewise, only all in white. 
Santa Claus. — A dress trimmed with fur. Paper cut fine 
makes excellent snow, to throw in the door, as he comes in, 
as if the wind blew the snow after him. Flour sprinkled 
over his shoulder. Carries a long whip. 

* Fido, if a well behaved dog is not to be procured, need not appear, 
but may only be referred to by Mother Hubbard. 

3 



4 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


ACT I. 

Scene I. — Curtain rises to the tune of “ A B Cf 
played quickly. Discovers Mother Goose writing , 
with a large quill pen , from a very large inkstand. 
Manuscripts of her melodies lie around on the table. 
Everything in the room should be as quaint as 
possible. Mother Hubbard sits knitting at a short 
distance . 

Mother G. There! \_folding an immense sheet of 
paper\ I have penned a letter, of most tender length, 
to my dear children, telling them of my intended 
visit, and how I hope to make their Christmas a 
happy one. Life is so short, Mother Hubbard, that I 
may as well give up my project of re-issuing my 
works for this year, and make my children happy. It 
has been years since I have seen them. 

Hubbard. Dear madame, you are self-sacrificing to 
a fault. Only this morning I remarked to Fido that 
if we all had such hearts as yours, there would be a 
chance for “ every dog to have his day.” 

Mother G. And what said good Fido ? 

Hubbard. He smiled his happy smile, ate his 
breakfast, wagging his tail in glad assent. Oh! he is 
a most intelligent creature. 

Mother G. He is indeed. And now I must find a 
messenger by whom I can send this letter. How 
delighted the children will be! 

Hubbard. Might I venture to suggest that Santa 
Claus, who is on his yearly round of visits, to discover 
the well behaved children, might prove a willing aid. 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


5 


Mother G. To be sure! Hubbard, you are a 
treasure. 

Hubbard. Nay, I am but your humble maid, whom 
you have memorized in immortal verse. Fido is a 
treasure. 

Mother G. But Fido could not help me as you 
can. Let us now call Santa Claus to our aid. 

\_Mother Hubbard brings a string of small sleigh - 
bells, and they sing to the “ A B Cf as follows : —] 

i. 

Mother G. 

Santa Claus, upon your rounds, 

Hubbard [ringing']. 

We greet you with these merry sounds. 

Mother G. 

Prithee tarry at our call, 

Hubbard. 

Make the children happy all, 

Together. 

Chiming, chiming, merry bells, 

How each note of joy foretells 

As in cadence sweet it swells, 

Merry, merry Christmas bells. 


II. 

Mother G. 

Every heart shall merry be, 

In the sound of revelry. 

Hubbard. 

And each child will gladly greet 
The day with joy and dancing feet. 


6 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


Together . 

List! the chiming, merry bells, 

How the sound all joy foretells, 

And all woe and grief dispels 
Merry, merry Christmas bells. 

[Santa Claus’ bells are heard far away as the song 
ends. They approach nearer and nearer. Then 
Santa Claus is heard to exclaim: — 

[“ Whoa — whoa ! — Dancer , Prancer / WTioa^ Dun - 
der and Blitzen ! ”] 

[Enter Santa Claus merrily .] 

Santa Claus. Ladies, at your service ! Here I am. 
I’ve skimmed five chimney-tops, and disturbed ten 
cat concerts, to reach you to-night, and must hasten 
back again. Be so good as to remember I have three 
thousand four hundred and fifty-nine children to look 
after yet. 

Mother G. Always merry, Mr. Santa Claus, and 
always welcome! 

Santa. Thank you, Mother. Well, Hubbard, how 
wags the world with you ? And Fido ? that remarka¬ 
ble dog! 

Hubbard. Fido’s tail wags as usual, Mr. Claus, if 
that is what you mean, although he had a slight touch 
of rheumatism in the third joint about six weeks ago. 

Santa. Indeed ! and what did you do for it ? 

Hubbard. It was indeed a sad time for us, but we 
bandaged it in flannel, and it is now well again. He 
is such a remarkable dog! Only yesterday, on my 
approach to the cupboard — 

Mother G. Another time, Hubbard, we have heard 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


7 


that so often. Fido has had his day. Let me make 
known my request to Santa Claus. 

Hubbard. Certainly, madame. [ Aside to Santa ] 
I’ll tell you the rest presently. It is most remark¬ 
able! 

Santa. And now, Mother G., what is your re¬ 
quest? I have about two hundred counties to visit 
yet, to provide children with potatoes, switches, and 
goodies. 

Mother G. I want you, friend Santa, to take this 
letter to my children. I have decided to spend my 
Christmas with them; Mother Hubbard and I, with 
due deference to a kind Providence, will start — 

Hubbard [ [anxiously^. And Fido ? 

Mother G. Fiddlesticks! Hubbard, let us banish 
Fido from the conference. 

Hubbard [aside], She does not appreciate him. 
[/iSofo in her apron.~\ 

Mother G. We shall start so as to arrive Christmas 
eve, in time to make glad preparations for the eventful 
day. 

Santa. I shall be but too happy to be your mes¬ 
senger. But have you considered well the undertak¬ 
ing?— gravely, I fear I must prepare you for a 
disappointment. 

Mother G. Ah! how so? Hubbard, come hither. 
What! weeping ? How is this ? 

Hubbard. Oh! to see Fido, the faithful, the con¬ 
fiding, so little appreciated wrings my heart. 

Mother G. Oh! Hubbard, you lead me a dog’s 
life, with continual harping upon Fido, his merits 
being partially the creation of my own brain. For 


8 RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 

had I not immortalized him in verse, probably you 
never would have so exaggerated his virtue. 

Hubbard [sobbing ]. Y-y-o-u said fid-dle-sticks! 

Mother. I am sincerely sorry, Hubbard ! forget it! 

Hubbard. And wanted him left — 

Mother. Out of the conversation! Fido shall go 
with us, surely. Dry your tears. 

Hubbard. Thank ye! Thank you ! 

Mother. Enough! Santa Claus, proceed at once \ 
Tell us why disappointment awaits us ? 

Santa. It has been many years, madame, since you 
visited your children, and in that time many changes 
have been at work. I regret to say a new nonsense 
has arisen in this age of folly, and your children have 
assumed it. 

Mother. Speak! I am in suspense! Has that 
naughty Jill tumbled from the garden wall ? Is Bo- 
peep still lamenting ? 

Santa. It is none of these things, dear madame; 
but the craze of the aesthetes is upon them all, and I 
fear you will not recognize them in their changed 
aspect. We have no children, nowadays; they are all 
grown men and women. Even my toy books are full 
of fol-de-rol and jim-cracks of art; and I myself only 
find comfort in a few little hearts who still believe in 
me and love me. 

Mother. This is shocking! What shall Ido? I 
must go at once and set them straight. What is this 
aesthetic craze? A disease? What are the symp¬ 
toms ? Hubbard, make ready your herbs and simples! 

Santa. No, no, madame! it is not a disease; al¬ 
though, to my mind, it is monstrously like the ague, 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


9 


the predominate colors being yellow and green_a 

sort of biliousness. 

Hubbard [who is packing a basket ]. Ah, calomel, 
there! 

Santa. The truth is, the aesthetic are really the 
fashionable. In fact, mother, your children will 
hardly be known to you. They have assumed long hair 
and dazzling dresses. They talk of crockery and art — 

Hubbard and Mother. Horrible! 

Santa. They have forgotten their old ditties, and 
sing from a ridiculous song-book, called “ Patience.” 

Mother. Ungrateful offspring! I shall proceed at 
once to journey thither. 

Santa. I will send your note ahead by an imp of 
the wind, and wait for you, if you wish, while you 
don your hood and mantle. 

Mother. I will not detain you a moment. [Exit 
Santa Claus.'] Hasten, Hubbard, our mantles and 
hoods! [Mother Hubbard flies around, brings mantle 
andpeaked hat.] Let us not lose time. Have you packed 
the herb basket ? I am not sure that this cannot be 
allayed by simple remedies. Santa Claus is only a 
man, and not a mother. I see symptoms of fever in 
all he relates of their condition. 

Hubbard. And my mind never gave up the idea of 
measles when he said it had spread so among ’em. 
Where is Fido ? Fido! Fido! Fido! [Hunts 
around, calling.] 

Mother. Look before the kitchen fire. 

Hubbard [runs out, returns crying]. Alas! I can¬ 
not find him. Fido ! [Dashes out again.] 

Mother. Hubbard is childish about that dog. 


10 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


[Enter Santa Claus.~\ 

Santa. All ready ? My horses are prancing to be 
off. Where is Fido and Hubbard? 

[Enter Hubbard.] 

Hubbard. Alas, he is not there! Where can 
he be! 

Mother. He will have to be left, then. 

Hubbard. L-e-a-v-e Fido! 

Mother. We must! Come! Get the herbs ! 

Hubbard [crying']. Oh ! — oh! — oh! 

Santa. There! don’t cry that way, Hubbard! 
you’ll have a fringe of icicles hung on your nose. 
Give me that basket. [Snatches herb basket , and runs 
out.] 

Hubbard. Oh! this is dreadful! 

Mother. Put on your cloak, and stop crying. This 
doggerel of yours is enough to drive one distracted! 

[Enter Santa. A growling and barking in the 
basket.] 

Hubbard [in delight.] Fido ! where is he ? 

Santa. In the basket, safe and sound. Come, let 
us go. 

[ Opens outside door.] 

Hubbard. Oh ! my dog! 

Mother. My herbs! 

[j Both look shocked , Santa Claus laughing. Mo¬ 
ther Hubbard hugging the basket. Quick curtain to 
the tune of “A B Cf] 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


11 


ACT II. 

Scene. — Curtain rises on a room artistically fur - 
nished. Discovers Mistress Mary arrayed in ces- 
thetic dress , arranging flowers in a vase. Jack 
posing sentimental , inditing a poem. Tommy Tucker 
is playing on accordion ,, with a rapt expression. Bo- 
peep is painting a plaque. Mr. Jack Sprat is watch¬ 
ing her , while Mrs. Sprat helps Mary. 

Bo-peep. See! with what grace this lily beneath my 
hand grows. Ah ! isn’t it beautiful! 

All [turning slowly to look]. Beautiful! 

Tommy. And how this sweet strain, wafted to yon 
painted lily, gives it the grace of almost emotional life. 
All [with fervor"]. It does! it does ! 

Jill [heard without]. Here we are, and here we go. 
Steady, Nan, or you will upset something. 

Mary. Oh! there are those noisy children ! 

[Enter Jill , and Nan Etticoat. Jill is driving 
Nan , with reins of twine fastened around her arms , as 
children u play horse.” She flourishes a long switch , 
and they stamp , and make much noise.] 

Jill. Hallo! what are you all doing ? 

Mr. Sprat. Jill, Jill, you must overcome this flow 
of animal spirits. It unfits you for the higher fields 
of Art—this capering and romping all day. Give it up, 
my child. 

Jill. Don’t want to. Look at Jack there — he is 
bad enough for two of us. He hasn’t been worth any¬ 
thing since he took to that dress and poetry. 


12 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


Bo-peep. Jill, how can you speak thus! He is our 
shining poet, a position one might envy a god. 

All [sighing^. How true! 

Jill. I don’t care! he let me carry all the water, 
last week, and if Nan had not helped me, I never could 
have done it. Could I, Nan ? 

Nan. No way in the world ! 

Jill. And I will never , never , never! look such 
a goose as Jack there; or play accordion, or paint, or 
languish — so there! 

Nan. Nor I! 

[ They shake hands. 

All [recoiling ]. Horrible! 

Mrs. Sprat. Be off, child. Go, leave us to our 
pleasures. 

Tommy. You have rendered discord in my harmony. 

Jack \distracted\ My poor nerves! 

Jill. Ido not care a single bit! There used to be 
some good among you. Now you are a set of noodles. 
Christmas is coming though, and you will forget to hang 
up your stocking, with all this other nonsense. But 
Nan and I shall get all that is intended for you. So 
now! 

Bo-peep. I shall go distracted! 

Mary. Christmas, Jill, is one of those old supersti¬ 
tions that, in this age of culture, have passed away. 
Only children remember it. 

Jill. And are we not Mother Goose’s children ? and 
has not she been picking her geese all day for Christ¬ 
mas dinner? Anyhow, it is snowing out, and you know 
it is the geese feathers. And I have known the time, 
Miss Contrary, when you would hang up a stocking two 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


13 


yards long as quick as any of us. However, I am off. 
Come on, Nan. 

Nan. And Jack can carry the pail of water to-day? 

Jill. To be sure, he can. Jacky, give your poetry 
a rest, and come draw for a while. I am sure, if 
Bo-peep can draw flowers, you should draw water. It 
is one of the higher branches — high as the well-sweep ! 

[Exit Nan , and Jill , laughing .] 

Jack. Thanks to the Olympian gods, they have 
gone. 

Mary. Their noise is maddening! 

[Re-enter Jill , and Nan.'] 

Jill. Do not be too sure! I forgot something. 
See here what blew down at my feet this morning. A 
letter for us all! 

All [languidly]. Ah! 

Jill. Yes. Who will read it ? 

Mrs. Sprat. I will. 

[ Enrolls Mother Goose's letter. All , save Nan and 
Jill , appear indifferent.] 

Mrs. S. [reading]. “My dear children: Being 
blessed with good health and spirits, I greet you.” 
[Speaking] Why, this letter is from Mother Goose. 

All [languidly]. Ah! 

Mrs. S. [reading]. “ Not having been able in many 
years to be with you, save in thought, I, with Mother 
Hubbard, intend visiting you, and enjoying a round 
of Christmas merriment. I have engaged Santa Claus 
to aid us, and I anticipate much joy in seeing you all 
once more. Look for me the evening of the 24th. 

“ In love, your 

“Mother Goose.” 


14 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


Bo-peep. She is coming here f 

Mary. Horror! to make us a visit! This is 
dreadful! 

Mrs. S. So old-fashioned! She will want early 
dinner. 

Mr. S. And a chop and toast at bed-time. 

Bo-peep. And such bonnets! 

Nan. And Hubbard will bring Fido — oh, goody! 

[ Claps her hands. ] 

Tommy. Han, be silent. Distraction seize me, 
but this is hard! What can have moved her to 
visit us? 

Jill. For shame! Dear Mother Goose, who has 
always been so kind! You are an ungrateful set! 

Nan. Perhaps she will make you forget this non¬ 
sense for a while. 

Mrs. S. Jill, if you do not be quiet, we will put 
you and Han in the closet. 

Mr. S. And I will help put you there. 

Nan and Jill [dancing around Sprat]. Catch us 
if you can! 

Mary. Silence ! Let us consider what we shall do. 

Bo-peep. How shall we get out of it ? 

Tommy. Write, and tell her we have the small-pox. 

Jill. You have something much worse ! [Dodges 
Sprat , who makes a dash at her.] 

Mrs. S. Besides, she has been vaccinated! Ho, 
we will have to endure this visit. We will preserve 
the even tenor of our way, and let her find us thus. 

Jill. Alas! poor mother! 

Jack. Her letter says the 24th. That is to-night. 
She will be here soon. 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


15 


Nan. Of course. To morrow is Christmas. Oh, 
come, hoys and girls. Let us drop all this nonsense, 
and greet dear mother as loving children, and have an 
old Santa Claus’ frolic. 

Jill. Oh ! yes — please — 

Both [coaxingly ]. D-o — come! 

[ Sleigh-bells without. ] 

Bo-peep. Listen! 

Jack. It is sleigh-bells! 

Jill and Nan [in glee]. Santa Claus! 

Mary. It is Mother Goose. Quick, resume your 
occupation. Shall anything turn us from seeking the 
Beautiful? 

[All return to their work , singing very slowly.] 

Tune — “ Days of Absence.” 

Days of yore, in all their sameness, 

In slow length have dragged away, 

Now, the ideal age of Beauty 
Bides, and cheers us, day by day. 

While, around us, Art is hovering, 

Poetry holds her tender sway, 

And the commonplace of living 
Fainter groweth day by day. 

£ During the song , the door is thrown open , and 
Mother Goose and Hubbard stand in astonishment. 
The snow is falling on them ,, and blown in the door¬ 
way. Jill closes the door finally , and they stand within 
the room. Hubbard hugging Fido.] 

Mother. Is there no one here to bid me welcome ? 

Jill. I, dear mother! 

Nan. And I! 

[ They advance toward her.] 


16 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


Mother [embracing them]. At last I hear a wel¬ 
come voice — but is this all ? 

Mary. Madame, we welcome you, from that abode 
unknown to us. But we are so plunged in restful 
culture of the Beautiful that we may not immediately 
lay aside this peace to greet you. 

Bo-peep. Pardon me if, in these lovely greens, I 
should forget the trivial courtesies of life. Gaze, com¬ 
panions— is this not beautiful ? 

All [gazing]. Too, too — Beautiful! 

Mother [indignant ]. And all this while I stand 
unmantled and waiting welcome! Take my cloak, 
Hubbard; take off your own. Open that basket of 
herbs. This is worse than I thought possible. How 
long has this lasted ? 

Mr. S. Our change, madame, from the fleshly 
creation of your fancy has been three long months. 
We have just attained perfection. This is our text¬ 
book. [. Presents copy of “ Patience .”] 

Mother. Fiddlesticks! Jill, you seem to have a 
grain of comprehension left; are they all the same 
way? 

Jill. Yes, ma’am, every one, save Nan and I. We 
ain’t that way. Why, you ought to see them when — 

Mother. There ! that will do. Hubbard, that bottle. 

[Hubbard produces an immense demijohn labelled 
“ Squills.”] 

Mother. The spoon! [A ladle is handed to her.] 
Now, open your mouths, every one of you. Stand in 
line — 

Bo-peep. Oh! 

Mary. Dreadful!! 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


17 


Tommy. Outrageous ! 

Jack [< assuming defensive]. Madame, I defy you! 

All. No — no — we will not! 

Mother [stopping aghast]. What! you repudiate a 
mother’s care! What is this that has overtaken my 
children — this curse ? 

Mary. It is no curse, but a blessing. We have 
only grown beyond you. We are disciples now of a 
new school. We love the Beautiful alone! 

Jill [while Mother looks helpless]. The plain Eng¬ 
lish of that means they are a set of silly ninnies. Don’t 
mind them, mother. 

Mother [resolutely]. One more trial. Mary, can 
you remember the simple words by which I have made 
you immortal? 

Mary. This is a concession I can scarcely grant. 
Still, considering your age, I will try to obey you. 

Mother. That is an unlooked-for condescension on 
your part. Proceed! 

Mary. 

Mam’zelle Mary, adverse maid, 

Does your floral culture progress ? 

With pale lilies and daisies, 

And latest new crazes, 

Emotions that rapture and bless! 

Hubbard [who is listening']. My patience! What 
a jumble! 

Mother. Merciful powers! what do I hear ? These 
are not my words. Jack, come forward. Can you 
repeat, correctly, what it was my pleasure to give you 
for life ? 


18 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


Jack. Madame, in my changed and heightened 
nature, I can but try and comply with your request. 

I. 

Jack and Jill roved a sun-lit hill, 

Sought pellucid streams together. 

Jack careened before, struck his cranium a blow, 
Jill followed, light as a feather. 

II. 

Up rose poor John, and, wending home, 

His maternal much amazes; 

Who, with Jill’s aid, a poultice made 
Of sunflower juice and daisies. 

Hubbard. Oh! monstrous ! 

Mother [ distracted ]. This is beyond my compre¬ 
hension. I never wrote such words as these. Who 
has thus perverted my simple meaning? Tommy 
Tucker, stand forth! Repeat to me the words that 
have rendered you famous. 

Tommy. 

Small Tommy Tucker, 

His sweet notes must prolong, 

That his staff of life and supper 
May be graced with a song. 

Hubbard. Oh, oh! preposterous ! 

Mother. This is cruel! What have I ever done to 
deserve this ? I am angry and amazed. What does it 
mean ? 

Jill. It means, mother, that Nan, Hubbard, you, 
and I, and even Fido, are too old-fashioned to be 
worthy of respect. 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


19 


Hubbard. Unworthy respect? And Fido, with 
his remarkable qualities? Absurd! [.Angrily taps 
her foot.'] 

Sprat. Madame, the truth is, we have gone beyond 
you. Once your silly ditties pleased us, but it was 
before we realized the unattainable. We can no longer 
live on such feeble food; we want the New, the True, 
and the Beautiful. 

All [in chorus]. Oh ! yes, we do, we do! 

Mother [sadly]. Then, alas! all is over! And this 
is my reward ! I, who have loved, labored, and prayed 
for ye, am too old-fashioned to be respected ! Come, 
Hubbard, let us withdraw — 

Hubbard [weeping]. Oh, madame! 

Mother. Do not weep, Hubbard; your tears are but 
food for their sport. We will retire, and await Santa 
Claus’ return. Fare ye well, and remember, when 
Beauty fails to comfort you, I have none for you. 
Even now, I hear the wail of many children, over the 
lack of dear Mother Goose’s lines. May their voices 
bring pain unto your hearts. 

[Exit Mother and Hubbard. All look downcast. 
Jill and Nan are crying. Bo-peep has dropped her 
brushes. Jack bites his pencil perplexedly .] 

Jill [crying]. Bo-h-o-o — we shall never see her 
again! [Nofo aloud.] 

Nan. Oh! bo-o-ho-o — [ Crying lustily.] 

Jill. Don’t you think you have been very shabby, 
and are you not ashamed of yourself? 

Mary [sharply]. Hold your tongue, Jill. 

Jill. That is plain English. I have heard that 
before. 


20 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


Jack [slowly']. It seems to me, we might have been 
more gentle with the old lady. 

Jill [slapping him on shoulder]. Good for you, 
Jack; your heart is in the right place! 

Nan [doing same]. That it is! 

Jack [rubbing shoulder]. Well, your hands are not. 
Keep off! 

Jill. Bless my soul, that sounds natural. A cross 
disciple of the Beautiful is real pleasure. Give me 
your hand, Jack. [Seizes his hand.] 

Nan [shaking on other side]. Yes, Jack! 

Mr. S. Upon my word, now, I do think we were 
hard on mother. It looks unnatural. She was always 
kind to us. 

Bo-peep. It appears to me, Jack Sprat, you might 
have been more civil. 

Mrs. S. You were absolutely rough ! 

Mr. S. I? 

Tommy. Oh! decidedly bearish! 

Nan. Abominably so! 

Jill. Unquestionably rude! 

[ They both laugh mischievously.] 

Mr. S. You do well to talk now . Why did none 
of you speak up at the time ? 

Mrs. S. You gave us no chance. 

Mary. You are always so forward! 

Mr. S. Oh ! come now — 

Mrs. S. Mr. Sprat, be silent, and own you are 
wrong. 

Mr. S. Mrs. Sprat, I will not! 

[ They glare at each other.] 

Jill [in glee]. Hi, hi! Nan, they are at it again. 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


21 


I have not heard you sound ^o natural for months. Go 
it, I like it. It is the way you used to be before you 
grew aesthetic. 

Bo-peep. Jill, Jill, do not talk so. Stop a moment. 

I have been thinking it all over. Hadn’t we better 
give up all this, and go ask mother’s pardon ? 

Mary. It will be so humiliating! 

Nan [close to her"]. Bah! 

Jill. I do not see how you can bear to see Hubbard 
weep. 

Jack. Oh ! hang Hubbard! she is always at it. It 
is mother I care about, and I for one mean to go beg 
her to forgive me. 

Nan and Jill [.seizing him by the hands , and whirl¬ 
ing him around]. Goody, goody for Jack! 

Bo-peep. So am I. I cannot bear to have her feel 
go badly. 

Mr. S. And since I have treated her the worst of 
you all, I suppose I can never be forgiven. 

Mrs. jS. [gently']. Let us try, Jack. 

Tommy. I’m awfully tired of this squeaking thing. 
[ Waves accordion.] And I shall just give it up, and 
ask mother to give me a jew’s-harp. 

Jill. I tell you what we will do. You must all go, 
and put on your old dresses. Bo-peep get her crook, 
and when mother comes to go, we will all meet her, 
singing the old ditties. 

Mary. Good f 

Mr. jS. We must hurry then. My dear [to Mrs. &], 
have you mislaid the platter ? 

Mrs. S. I can’t find it. Come, make haste! 

[All exeunt , save Nan and Jill.] 


22 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


Jill. Now, how glad mbther will be ! But what is 
that I hear ? 

[Sounds of children sobbing. Enter Hubbard weep¬ 
ing, leading a procession of little children, who sob in 
their aprons. They arrange themselves in a semi-circle 
around the stage, and sing.] 

Tune — “ A B C, ” very slowly. 

Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear me, 

Mother Goose we ne’er shall see! 

All the rhymes are changed and sad, 

How can we again be glad ? 

Who can tell us of Bo-peep ? 

Who can make us laugh and weep * 

Mother Goose, whose children all 
Will not listen to her call. 

[Enter Mother sadly.] 

Mother. There, alas! are all those poor little ones 
who mourn my downfall. Poor children, what have 
I to comfort you ? I am comfortless myself. [ Weeps.'] 

[Sleigh-bells. Enter Santa Claus.] 

Santa [looking around, in amazement]. Odds bod- 
ikins ! what is all this? Weeping, and on this merry 
evening! Mother, explain yourself. 

Mother. Dear Santa Claus, my children have de¬ 
serted me. I have grown too old to interest them. 
These are the little ones, who lament my loss! 

Santa [frowning]. What! have they not given 
over that nonsense ? There, I have a gross of switches 
to leave for your children, mother, and for these little 
ones, will not sugar-plums help you ? 

Children [chorus]. Oh, no! 

Santa. This is very sad! Let us all think about it— 


RETURN OF MOTHER GOOSE. 


23 


sad pause, filled with many sniffs and sobs. A 
singing without. The Mabel Waltz, with Mother 
Goose's words. Enter Mary, Mr. and Mrs. Sprat, 
Bo-peep, Tom Tucker, cmc? Jack, all in their old 
dress. Bo-peep has a crook, Mr. and Mrs. Sprat a 
platter, Jack his pail. All sing gayly, and surround 
Mother Goose, joining hands, and skipping about her."] 

Tune — “ Mabel Waltzes.” 

Here we are, oh, mother dear, 

Your children as of yore, 

To leave thee for aesthetic fields, 

Or by-paths never more. 

[All drop on their knees."] 

Now, upon repentant knees, 

We beg thee to forgive, 

And heed the wishes of our song, 

May Mother Goose long live. 

Mother. Rise, my children ; this is indeed a joyful 
surprise. Gladly, gladly, do I forgive thee. [.Kisses 
them.] 

Santa. And now let us all forget bygones, and join 
in a merry Christmas dance. But first of all give these 
little ones a chance for three cheers for Mother Goose! 
One — two — three! 

All. Hurrah, hurrah for Mother Goose! 

[All break into a dance about Mother Goose, singing 
the rhymes to the time of the Mabel Waltzes, and they 
dance until the curtain falls. Mother Goose and Santa 
join hands and take stately steps in time to the music.] 


CURTAIN. 











THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN 


S piag for (Ujtltrren 

IN ONE SCENE 


By ALICE P. CARTER 


PERSONS REPRESENTED 

Santa Claus. 

Katrina, Santa Claus' Wife . 
Fairy Steeplecrown. 

Midget, A Fairy. 

Japanese Interpreter. 
Christmas Fairies. 

Deputation of Children. 



Copyright, 1887, 

By WALTER H. BAKER & CO. 










COSTUMES. 


Santa Claus. First costume , long dressing-gown over red 
trousers and top-boots, night-cap, white wig, and beard. Second 
costume , fancy jacket and hat. 

Katrina. Dark loose wrapper, cap, white wig, and spectacles. 
Second costume , any pretty and fanciful dress. 

Fairy Steeplecrown. Dark dress, cloak, cap with broad 
border, very tall crown, steeple-crowned hat, and wand in hand. 

Midget and other Fairies. Either white dresses with 
wreaths, or fancy dresses. 

Interpreter and Japanese Children. Dressing-gown 
folded across the front, without buttons, and bound with a sash, 
Hair tied on top of the head. A Japanese fan. 

Children. Common street costumes. 


3 




MUSIC. 


The Music incidental to this piece is for the most part famil¬ 
iar to every one. For the guidance of such as may happen to be 
ignorant of one or more of the airs employed, we subjoin a priced 
list of the necessary music, any item of which will be sent by 
mail, postpaid, by the publishers of The Fairy Steeplecrown, 
on receipt of price. 


The Mikado. Complete vocal score . . . . $1.00 

Patience. Complete vocal score.$1.00 

“Legende de la M£re Angot”. .30 

“Oh Dear, What can the Matter be?” . . .10 

“God save the Queen.” (America) .... .30 

“Marseillaise”. .30 

“ Wacht am Rhein ”. .30 

“VOLKSLIEDER ALBUM.” (Litolff Ed.) ... .6o 


4 







THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


Scene. — The home of Santa Claus. An arm-chair 
at the side of stage. A fur cap and coat hanging up. 
Curtain rises , disclosing a group of Christmas fairies 
headed by Midget. All hold handkerchiefs to their 
eyes. 

Midget. We’re the little Christmas fairies who bring 
the pretty things 

Which every year at Christmas our dear old master 
brings; 

And now he’s weak and ailing, and we’re in deepest woe. 
If you ask the other fairies, they all will tell you so. 

Why do they weep ? It is because 
Of dear old Master, Santa Claus. 

(Song. Air, “ Tit Willowfrom “ The Mikado.”) 

Oh, tell us, oh, tell us, oh, what shall we do? 

O willow! O willow! O willow! 

Our master is ill, and is very old too. 

O willow! O willow! O willow! 

We must try to do something. Oh, yes, we must try! 

For if something's not done, he will certainly die; 

And what will be left to us then, but to cry, 

O willow! O willow! O willow! 


5 



6 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


And think of the poor little children of Earth, 

O willow! O willow! O willow! 

Who have loved Santa Claus every day since their birth, 

O willow! O willow! O willow! 

He is bound to their hearts by a very strong tie; 

And now if the friend of all children should die, 

Oh, what would be left to them then but to cry, 

O willow! O willow! O willow! 

Midget. My brothers and sisters, indeed it is true 
That we must be quick, and find something to do 
For our precious old master, before it’s too late; 

And I think we all feel we have no time to wait. 

A fairy. Yes, let us do something; but what shall it 
be? 

Midget. I’ve thought of a plan; and, if you will agree, 
I’ll go as your messenger, ere it’s too late, 

And I think we can save Santa Claus from his fate. 

A fairy. Then please let us know what the plan is 
you’ve made. 

Midget. To call Fairy Steeplecrown here to our aid. 

(Fairies give three cheers .) 

Very well; by your cheering, I see you agree : 

So I’ll go for the fairy, and bring her with me. 

(Exeunt Fairies. Enter Santa Claus and Katrina.) 

Katrina (supporting him to the arm-chair ). Here, 
Claus, my old dearie, you’d better sit down; 

And, please, don’t you trouble your weary old head 
About Christmas work, and the presents to go, 

For I’ll do it all my own self, as I said. 

You know I know how. 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


7 


Santa Claus. Yes, my dear, that is true; 

For I once had the gout, and so had to send you. 

(Song, Katrina. Air, German Volkslied “ Wenn’s 
Mailiisterl WehtE) 

Oh, don’t you remember that night I went out, 

That night in December when you had the gout ? 

The reindeer, they snorted, they stamped, and they flew. 

Oh, I ne’er could have done it, dear Claus, but for you! 

Oh, how I was frightened, poor trembling old dame, 

When we mounted the roofs, and to chimneys we came. 

And down I must go, without any ado! 

Oh, I ne’er could have done it, dear Claus, but for you! 

For you, my old husband, were suffering and ill; 

And to help you and spare you, I worked with a will. 

And how much more now! Oh, what would I not do? 

I even would gladly change places with you. 

Santa Claus. But it’s worse now than gout. I shall 
never be well. 

(A bell rings.) 

Katrina. I must just run and see who is ringing the 
bell. 

(Exit.) 

Santa Claus. Yes, it’s worse now than gout. That 
was very soon past; 

But old age has been waiting, and caught me at last. 

And I really believe, at the end of a year, 

When again Christmas comes, it will not find me here. 

(Enter Katrina.) 

Katrina. O Clausy, do you know, here are little 
deputations, 

Made up of little children from several different nations, 


8 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


Who have come to pay their compliments, and to express 
their grief 

That you are ill, and also hope that you may find relief! 

They’ve brought their own interpreter, a funny little man : 

It seems to me that he must be a gentleman of Japan. 

Are you strong enough to see them, dear ? 

Santa Claus. Yes, bring them certainly. 

I have always loved the children. I will see them joy¬ 
fully. 

(Enter the Interpreter. Then deputations of four or 
five children , carrying a bamier on which is the name 
of their nation. Each deputation enters separately, in 
the following order: America, England , France , Ger¬ 
many, and Japan. They march around the stage to 
the air “March of the Mikado Troops.” Then each 
deputation advances separately. Santa Claus in his 
chair turns away from the audience; so that the 
children, in facing him, nearly face the audience. 
Americans advance to the tune “ Yankee Doodle,” 
and bowl) 

(Song. “ Yankee Doodle.”) 

Dear Santa Claus, from distant lands 
We’ve come to ring your bell, sir. 

And to express our deepest grief 
That you are far from well, sir. 

And, oh, we hope that you will soon 
Again be well and strong, sir! 

And may you ever happy be, 

And may your life be long, sir! 

(Bow and retire, and the English children advance to the 
tune “ God save the King.” They bow.) 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


9 


(Song. “ America .”) 

O dear old Santa Claus, 

O dear old Santa Claus! 

The children’s friend! 

We’ve come our grief to tell. 

And to hope some charm or spell 
Will be found to make you well. 

May your life ne’er end! 

(They bow and retire. The French deputation advances 
and bows.) 

(Song. “ La Marseillaise.”) 

O, doux ami de l’enfance! 

O, bon auteur de nos jeux! 

Notre douleur est immense 
De vous voir si malheureux . 1 

{Bow and retire. Then Germans advance to the tune 
u Die Wacht am Rhein.”) 

(Song. “ Wacht am Rhein.”) 

O, Iieber Herr! O, lieber Herr! 2 
O, es betriibt uns gar zu sehr, 

Z u horen, zu horen, dass Sie unwohl sind. 

Das bedauert sehr ein jedes Kind. 

(Bow and retire. The Japanese children advance to the 
u March of the Mikado Ti'oops.” They throw them¬ 
selves on their hands and knees, touching their fore¬ 
heads to the floor; then rise, and spread their fans 
behind their heads.) 


1 In singing French, the final e is pronounced. Sing only the two first lines 
of the air, twice repeated. 

2 The first verse is played. The words come on the chorus. 




IO 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


(Song. “ Mikado”) 

Miya sama, miya sama 
On ma no maye ni. 

Pira — Pira sara no wa 
Nan gia na 

Toko tonyard tonyar^ na! 

(>Stroke their knees downward ’ and retire.) 

Santa Claus. I’ll try to answer them, my dear; 

Just give a helping hand. 

(.Attempts to rise.) 

Katrina. But there are more than half of them 
Who do not understand. 

(Interpreter advances, and drops on his face.) 

Interpreter. Me is de intairpretair, most honored 
sair. 

Me knows every language dat’s under de sun. 

Vot you say to me, me vill say it to dem, 

And den dey vill know it too. Yes, every vun. 

Santa Claus {rises). My little friends, I’m old and ill, 
Too ill to make a speech. 

And so have only this to say, — 

I thank you, all and each. 

(Interpreter goes to the foreign children, and whispers to 
them the speech. They all nod. The deputations form 
again in procession, and march around the stage to 
music. In leaving, the children of each deputation bid 
adieu in unison, and then bow, and exeunt.) 

Americans. Good-by. 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


II 


English. Good-day. 

French. Bonjour. 

Germans. Guten Tag. 

{Japanese, instead of speaking, repeat their how to the 
ground. Interpreter does likewise. When all are 
gone, Santa Claus suddenly sinks into his chair, as if 
exhausted, and Katrina bends over him anxiously.) 
Santa Claus. Oh, let me sit down ! 

Katrina. Oh, what is it? Oh, what? {Bends over 
him.) 

Santa Claus. I’m just about dying, I think. 

{Enter Fairy Steeplecrown.) 

Fairy. No, you’re not. 

Katrina. O dear Fairy Steeplecrown ! how do you do ? 
You come at a sad time. I’m worried to death. 

My poor, dear old Claus is so weak and so ill, 

That I’m often afraid he will draw his last breath. 

Fairy. Oh, don’t you be frightened I he’s only 
grown old. 

Katrina. But age is a trouble not easy to cure. 

Fairy, For mortals it’s not, but for fairies it is. 

{To Santa Claus.) 

You’re not desperate yet, my old friend, I am sure. 

Santa Claus {groans). Oh, I’m fast breaking up ! 
Fairy. Now, what nonsense that is ! 

Your fairies have sent for me, and I have come. 

So get on your feet; and I’ll give you my word 
That I’ll make a new man of you, ere I go home. 


12 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


Santa Claus. What! You can’t make me young 
again ? 

Fairy. Yes, sir, I can. 

Santa Claus. What! all in a moment ? 

Fairy. A little bit longer. 

I’m a fairy, you see, of the second degree : 

A fairy of first class is very much stronger. 

Come, get on your feet. Do you think you can stand ? 
Santa Claus. Oh yes, if Katrina will lend me a hand 1 

( Comes forward leaning on Katrina.) 

Fairy. When I talk of making young, I think per¬ 
haps you’ll say, 

“ Physician, cure thyself; ” but that is not my way. 

I can help a friend in need, and do it well, you’ll see; 

But ’twould take a good strong fairy to make a girl of me ' 
Now we’d better set to work. I must change you, bit 
by bit. 

I’ll take your nightcap first, and make a hat of it. 

Santa Claus. But, Fairy Steeplecrown, be kind 
enough to wait. 

Before you make me young, I think you’d better state 
How young I’d better grow. I shouldn’t like to be 
A little baby boy; for that’s too young, you see. 

Fairy. Oh, you leave that to me ! I know what 
I’m about. 

I’m sure you’ll be content without a bit of doubt. 

( Gives him a hat d) 


1 The hat is fastened by a safety-pin under her cloak; and by turning away 
from the audience a moment, she makes the change. 




THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


13 


There, that looks very well. And now these wrinkles here 
Must all be smoothed away, and made to disappear. 

(Touches his face with her wand , and then with her 
hands. The wand is tipped with wash-leather , well 
covered with rouge.) 

And now I’ll just pull off these hoary locks of snow, 

And a fine dark head of hair you’ll have before you know. 

(Gives a pull. Santa Claus cries, “ Ow, owl ” Hair 
comes off.) 

That’s better. Now, your beard. If it hurts, you mustn’t 
mind : 

A good mustache will be much better, you will find. 

(Pulls off beard ’ then dressing-gown. Santa Claus, 
in fancy dress , strikes an attitude , then dances and 
sings.) 

(Song. “ When I go out of door ,” from “ Patience T) 

Oh, I’m a fine young man! 

Oh, what a nice young man! 

It really does seem 
Like a beautiful dream. 

That I’m changed to a fine young man. 

But then, I hope to keep 
In that case, fast asleep; 

For I certainly find 
It is quite to my mind 
To dance like this asleep. 

(Takes the Fairy’s hand , and they dance to the 
accompaniment.) 

Oh, I’m a fine young man! 

Oh, what a nice young man! 

I am able to dance, and to sing, and to prance; 

And I’m doing it all I can. 


14 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


I cannot think, I’m sure. 

How ever I could endure 
To be an old man. 

When I find that I can 
So easily find a cure. 

(.Dances with Fairy, as before .) 

Well, Katrina, old girl, have you nothing to say 
Of the change that you see in your husband to-day? 
Katrina (bursts into tears). O Claus ! O my hus* 
band ! Oh, what shall I do ? 

Oh, just look at me, and then just look at you ! 

I look like your grandmother. 

Santa Claus. Well, yes, you do. 

I must really confess what she says is quite true. 

Look here, Fairy Steeplecrown, won’t you just see 
If you can’t make Katrina look something like me ? 
Katrina. O dear Fairy Steeplecrown, make me 
young too, — 

As young as my husband ! O dear Fairy, do ! 

Fairy. You certainly do need it, if ever woman did; 
And I really would be happy to do as I am bid : 

Such an ill-assorted couple, I never yet did see. 

But when I’ve done a thing like that {points to Santa 
Claus), the power’s out of me. 

A fairy of the second class has just so much to give. 

Just wait, perhaps a month, my dear. 

Katrina. Oh, no ! I could not live. 

Fairy. A week perhaps ? 

Katrina. Oh, no ! Oh, no ! Indeed, I could not 
wait. 

Have pity, Fairy Steeplecrown, nor leave me to my fate. 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 15 

Santa Claus. Have pity, Fairy Steeplecrown, nor 
leave us to our fate; 

And do not leave a man like me with such an ancient 
mate. 

(Santa Claus and Katrina kneel ’ and repeat the last 
two lines together.) 

Fairy. I’m sorry, friends. There’s nothing that will 
be the slightest use, 

Before at least a month, or more. Why, yes ! I am a 
goose ! 

There is a way. I quite forgot. I didn’t think before. 

Just bring me, Claus, your largest key, that fits your 
largest door. 

Santa Claus. I will, my friend; but may I ask what 
use it is to you? 

Fairy. I mean to wind myself right up, and start as 
good as new. 

Santa Claus. Wind yourself up ? 

Katrina. You’re not a clock. You do not tick and 
strike. 

Fairy. Well, no, my dear, that’s very true; but then 
I’m something like. 

We’re not like common human folks. Of course, we’re 
something more. 

We’re more like very fine machines, the best you ever saw. 

I don’t think you could understand, and so I’ll not explain; 

But only say, when quite run down, we can be wound 
again. 

So get the key (exit Santa Claus), and if it fits — 


1 6 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


Katrina. You’ll make me young again ? 

Fairy. And pretty, too; but promise me it shall not 
make you vain. 

Katrina. I’ll promise to be as good as gold. Oh, 
make me young and fair ! 

Give me a pair of rosy cheeks, and give me curly hair. 
Fairy. I’m really shocked, my friend, to find that 
such an ancient dame 

Can care for these frivolities and vanities you name. 
Katrina. I’m sorry it offends you, but I feel already 
young; 

And when a feeling’s in the heart, it gets upon the 
tongue. 

(Song. “ I cannot tell what this love may be ,” from 
“ Patience l 

I cannot tell what these thoughts may be, 

Which seem to be rushing over me. 

I’m sure that it must be, in truth, 

A sign of approaching youth. 

We generally say, “ Old age is near; ” 

But what is coming is oh, so dear ! 

’Twill bring the color to lip and cheek, 

And strength to the limbs that are now so weak. 

On every side old age I see, 

A-clinging to all, but not to me. 

I’m going to be young! I’m going to be young ! 

Oh, that is the song of my heart and my tongue ! 

Think how happy I’m going to be. 

Tra-la-la-la-la. From age set free. 

Old age is a thorn, and there’s no doubt 
It would be better to pluck it out, 

If one but knew how; but there are none 
Who know how this is done, 

For that no mortal understands. 

I put my case in a fairy’s hands. 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


1 7 


And then away the wrinkles fiy, 

And the hair grows dark, and bright the eye. 

On every side old age I see, 

A-clinging to all, but not to me. 

I’m going to be young, etc. 

(Enter Santa Claus.) 

Santa Claus. There, that’s the largest key we have. 

( Gives it to Fairy, and holds her wand.) 

Katrina. I hope that it will fit. 

Fairy. I hope so too; for if it don’t, you’ll have to 
wait a bit. 

{Slips the key under her cloak , and fits it to her side. 
Nods violently , and winds herself up . 1 Dances and 
sings without accompaniment.) 

(Song. “ When I go out of doors fi u PatienceS) 

Oh, I’m as good as new! 

Oh, that’s the way to do! 

Oh, dear! Oh, dear! I feel so queer! 

I’m quite as good as new. 

(Speaks.) 

Now, my venerable friend, 

It is time to attend 

To this little affair about you; 

And soon you will find 
You are quite to your mind, 

For your moments of age are few. 


i For the sound of the winding, she turns a watchman’s rattle, which hangs 
under her cloak. 




1 8 THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 

(To Santa Claus.) 

Now give me back my precious wand, 

And let me try my skill. 

(Touches Katrina’s cheeks with the wand and then with 
her hand.') 

There ! now there’s not a wrinkle left. 

They’ve vanished at my will. 

(Pulls off cap and wig. Then pulls down curls.) 

Katrina. Oh, thank you, Fairy Steeplecrown ! Oh, 
oh, I’ve got some curls ! 

They’re nice and light, and soft and bright, as any little 
girl’s. 

(Fairy pulls off Katrina’s wrapper , and she appears 
prettily dressed. She examines herself with delight ', 
and then skips up to Santa Claus. 

Katrina. Oh, thank you, Fairy Steeplecrown ! How 
very kind you are ! 

Oh, no one now would take me for my husband’s grand¬ 
mamma ! 

O Claus, do just look at me ! Look at your wife. 

Did you ever see such an old dear in your life ? 

I mean a young dear. 

Santa Claus. You’re as sweet as can be. 

A prettier creature I never did see. 


1 The end of the wand is covered with chamois leather, upon which is rouge. 
The Fairy applies this to the cheeks of Katrina, as before to Santa Claus, smooth¬ 
ing it with her fingers. 





THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


19 

Katrina. I feel just like dancing; I cannot keep still. 
Come, dance with me, hop with me, skip with a will! 

(Song. Air, Duet of Ko-Ko and Katisha from “ The 
Mikado .”) 

Santa Claus and Katrina. (They dance the polka 
opposite to each other , joining right and left hands 
alternately .) 

Oh, dance with me! Sing derry down derry! 

Oh, derry down derry! Oh, this is gay! 

Oh, dance and sing and let us be merry. 

For we’ve been old for many a day! 

( They dance together around the stage to the accompani¬ 
ment of the same airl) 

Santa Claus (stands still and sings.) 

Oh, I’m feeling such a strength in every limb! 

Oh, the blood is fairly rushing through my veins! 

Though I’ve had of years a plenty, 

I feel only five and twenty. 

So, good-by to all my ancient aches and pains. 

Katrina (sings) . How could a youth so sprightly. 

Who can dance so very lightly. 

Be subject to his ancient aches and pains? 

(Dance as before .) 

Oh, dance with me! Sing derry down derry! etc. 

Katrina (sings). Oh, I’ve lived so long with spectacles on nose; 

I’ve lived so long in cap and snowy hair, — 

Oh, who can tell the pleasure. 

And the comfort without measure. 

Of feeling I again am young and fair! 

Santa Claus. And who can tell the pleasure 

That I feel, my little treasure, 

At seeing you again so young and fair ? 

(Dance.) 

Oh, dance with me! etc. 


20 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


{Enter Christmas Fairies from each side, dancing hand 
in hand to music.) 

Midget to Fairy. Our master and mistress were here 
when we left, 

Can you tell what’s become of them, please ? 

Fairy. If you’ll just use your eyes, miss, and look 
round the room, 

I think you will find them with ease. 

{All the fairies look around. Santa Claus and Katrina 
laugh and bow and courtesy to fairies.) 

Santa Claus. What! not know your master ? 
Katrina. Why, don’t you know me ? You see what 
a fairy can do. 

Midget. What! You are our master and our mis¬ 
tress? O, no ! 

Santa Claus. Yes, yes; I assure you it’s true. 
{Fairies all clap their hands.) 

Midget. But what will the children say ? What will 
they do ? 

They’ll cry just as hard as they can, 

When they see their old friend, whom they all love so 
much, 

Changed into a dapper young man. 

(Song. Air , “ Oh, dear, what can the matter be ? ”) 

Christmas Fairies. 

Oh, dear, what will the children do ? 

Oh, dear, what will the children do ? 

Oh, dear, what will the children do ? 

Now Santa Claus has grown young ? 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


21 


They all will be crying and sobbing and sighing. 

And quite as unhappy as if he were dying. 

To lose an old friend will be certainly trying. 

For old Santa Claus has grown young. 

Oh, dear, what will the children say ? 

Oh, dear, what will the children say ? 

Oh, dear, what will the children say ? 

They who have known him for years ? 

Instead of receiving him smiling and beaming, 

I really believe they will all begin screaming; 

They’ll certainly think that they all must be dreaming 
As soon as this stranger appears. 

Santa Claus. Dear me ! I never thought of that. 
Their tears will fall like rain. 

Katrina. What shall we do ? 

Santa Claus. I only know I’ll not be old again. 
Katrina ( picks up the wig and heard) . I’ll tell you 
what we’ll do, my love : we’ll keep these things, 
you see; 

And when you put them on, you’ll look as natural as can 
be. 

Santa Claus. Yes, so I shall. We’ll try them on, 
and see if I look right. 

(Katrina helps to put them on.) 

Be careful there ! You pull my hair ! Dear me ! The 
beard feels tight! 

(Katrina brings fur coat and cap , and puts them on.) 

Katrina ( claps her hands and laughs). Oh, what an 
old fellow ! How funny you are ! 

You look like my great, great, great, great grandpapa ! 


22 THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 

Santa Claus. Ha, ha ! I like that! A few minutes ago, 
It was jw* were the grandmother. Weren't you? 

Katrina. That’s so. 

But now I’ve grown young, why, I really can’t see 
How such an old fellow my husband could be. 

Santa Claus. But I’m really not old. Come and try 
me, for still 

I can dance with you, hop with you, skip with a will. 

(They dance around the stage to the former air.) 

Midget. You know, sir, you told us to have things 
prepared 

For the children on Christmas Day; 

And you said that our mistress, because you were ill, 
Would go in your stead in the sleigh. 

We’ve got the sleigh filled up as full as can be. 

It’s already to start. So will you go, or she ? 

Santa Claus. Oh, I’ll go myself! I’m as good now 
as new. 

What’s the first thing, Katrina, that I have to do ? 
Katrina. You must first go to Boston . 1 
Santa Claus. All right, very well! 

Katrina. And what sort of children live there ? Can 
you tell? 

Santa Claus. Why, that is the place where the chil¬ 
dren tell lies, 

Make faces at people, and play with mud-pies, 

Make their parents mind them, do whatever they please, 
And squabble and wrangle and worry and tease. 


1 Or, “ New York is the first place,” or any other locality. 




THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


23 

Midget. Oh, no, sir ! Excuse me. ’Twas I that told 
you, 

And the place that I spoke of was called Timbuctoo. 
Santa Claus. Oh, was it? All right. I have been 
old so long, 

That I sometimes did get things a little bit wrong. 

If the children were here, I’d be happy to make 

(Bows to audiencei) 

A humble apology for my mistake. 

For now I remember, I really was told 

That the children of Boston 1 are all good as gold. 

(Song. “ Legende de la Mere Angot” from “ La Fille 
de Madame AngotA) 

And if the information that I have heard is true, 

I hope another Christmas that it will be so too. 

For what’s the use of taking pains, and bringing trees and toys, 

And acting plays, and singing songs, for naughty girls and boys ? 

(While Santa Claus sings refrain, Santa Claus, Katrina, and Idairy all 
dance a chain-dance, with a polka step.) 

Then be good children, be good children, 

Or perhaps another year 
Not a sign of tree or candy, 

Play or toys, there will appear. 

{Fairies, Santa Claus, Katrina, and Fairy Steeplecrown, all repeat the 

last verse, dancing.) 

And now at last we bid you a very kind good-by, 

And when the curtain’s falling, be sure you do not cry ; 

For soon another year will come, with Christmas pleasures too, 

And then we all shall meet again, and so good-by to you. 

{Ladies' chain.) 


1 Or, “ Little New Yorkers.” 



24 


THE FAIRY STEEPLECROWN. 


Then be good children, be good children, 
Or perhaps another year, 

Not a sign of tree or candy, 

Play or toys there will appear. 

(Chorus and dance.} 


CURTAIN. 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


A 


CHRISTMAS OPERETTA. 


BY 


E. CL W. 








DRAMATIS PERSONAE, 


Santa Claus. 

Imps (the more the better). 

Faibt Queen. 

Fairies (the more the better). 

Time of Representation. — About one hour, not including distri¬ 
bution of presents. 

Scenery. — This will, in most cases, have to be accomplished with 
evergreen, cotton batting, and spangles. Beware of candles and 
the like, — cotton is very inflammable. 

Costumes. — Girls: white dresses, sashes of different color across 
the shoulder, tied under the arm ; tarlatan is very pretty for sashes, 
white stockings ; braid, tape, or ribbon, same color as sash, up the 
leg to the knee. Boys: entire suits of turkey red to the knee j 
red stockings; red slippers ; funnel-shaped caps of same. Line the 
caps with stiff paper. Let the cloth hang to the shoulders. Cut 
out enough to show just the eyes, nose, and mouth. Let them be 
as tall as possible. The suits can be cut like children’s drawers 
nightdresses, — in one piece from neck to knee. Then put a strip 
around for a belt, with big buckle of gilt board. A gilt star on the 
shoulder is an improvement. This red can be bought in quan- 
tities for about ten cents a yard. Just stitch up the seams : leave 
them entirely unfinished. The boys in these suits are wholly irre¬ 
sistible. 

Stage Properties. — Get as many drills or coal chisels from a 
blacksmith as there are “ imps.” Suspend them in some way that 
the boys may stand at them and strike, — half on each side of the 

platform. A square frame, covered round the sides with black 



a 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


cloth, at which four, six, or eight boys can stand, is perhaps as 
simple as any arrangement. Each boy has a large-size tack ham¬ 
mer, which he disposes of at the end of Scene II. The Fairy 
Queen, a crown and a showy wand. 

Music. — Pinafore. “Anvil Chorus.” “See the Conquering 
Hero comes,” from Judas Maccabaus. 


Quincy, November, 1883. 

This little operetta was written for the First Church Sunday 
School of Quincy. It was received with the greatest enthusiasm 
and delight. This year it is offered to the public. In working it 
up, the author has kept in mind three things: — 

1. To make it easy of representation, yet brilliant in effect. 
There is but one scene, and that and the costumes simple and 
inexpensive. 

2. To arrange it so that a large number of children could take 
part, even the youngest. 

3. Pinafore music was selected, although old, because it is so 

well known and so stirring, and because boys will sing it lustily 
when they will sing hardly anything else. Let them sing it in the 
original words first to start their voices. E. C. W. 



SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 

A Christmas Operetta. 


SCENE I. 

Introductory. 

Curtain dawn . Fairy peeps from behind the curtain, 
takes one step in front, courtesies, skips to middle and 
courtesies deep . 

{Tune, “Buttercup”) 

Fairy . I’m Queen of the fairies, the gay little fairies, 
The Queen of the fairies am I. 

They ’re bright, merry fairies, the sweetest of 
fairies; 

And a sweet little fairy am I. 

{She pirouettes to the same tune, and ends with another 
deep courtesy.) 

Queen . Friends of Earth, good evening. Shall 1 
tell you why I am here to-night? I knew you were 
here, and I knew you came for a good Christmas time ; 
so I left my fairies at their games, and slipped away to 
come and help you. We do not care for you big folks. 
It is you little people we fairies love ; and it’s you we 
think of at Christmas time. We have watched you all 
the year in Sunday school. We know how prompt you 
have been, how hard you have worked over your les- 



6 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


sons, and how you have tried to please your teachers 
every way. To be sure (slyly), I know some of you 
little boys haven’t always been a comfort to your 
teacher; but fairies have kind hearts, and we for¬ 
get all that at Christmas time. Do you see my pretty 
wand? (holds it up ). It’s a magic wand. See, I wave 
it above you. That gives me power to grant you what 
I please. Now tell me what you would like most to 
have to-night. 

(The children of the Sunday school must have re¬ 
hearsed the following before Christmas eve. One 

rehearsal will be better than more.) 

Children. A Christmas tree I Santa Claus! A 
present! etc. 

(Fairy stamps imperiously for them to stop.) 

Little boy (rising). Please, your fairy Majesty, 
could n’t you tell better than we what would please us ? 

Fairy. Have you ever had a Christmas tree? 

Chil. Yes, yes, ever so many! 

Fairy. Has Santa Claus ever been to see you? 

Chil. Ever so many times ! He comes every Christ¬ 
mas ! etc. 

Fairy. Have you ever been to Snowland to see him 
in his snow-decked cave ? 

Chil. Oh! oh ! No, never! Take us there ! Let 
us go ! Can we ? etc. 

Fairy. Ah, that will please you ! I knew it would. 
Now, I will go back to my fairies before they miss me. 
Santa never lets anybody into his cave but his imps and 
us. But you will see what wonders we will work with 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


7 


him He loves us little fairies, — the jolly old rogue. 
He won’t refuse us anything. 

(Sings.) I’m Queen of the, etc. 

(Pirouetting backwards, retires with deep courtesy .) 
Curtain . 

SCENE II. 

Santa’s Snow-Decked Cave. Imps at work, singing . 

( Tune, 1 ‘ We sail the ocean blue,” opening chorus in 
“ Pinafore”) 

Imps. We work for Santa Claus, 

And our gorgeous cave’s a beauty; 

We’re sober imps and true, 

And attentive to our duty. 

When the frost and the snow 
Bid the summer to go, 

We work with a will all day. 

When the grass and the flowers 
Bring back summer hours, 

We ’ve plenty of time for play. Oho! oho I 

We work for Santa Claus, 

And our gorgeous cave*s a beauty; 

We ’re sober imps and true, 

And attentive to our duty. 

Our gorgeous cave’s a beauty, 

We ’re attentive to our duty. 

We’re sober imps and true, 

We work for Santa Claus. 


8 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


Enter Santa. 

Santa. My loyal imps, good evening. 

Imps. Santa, good evening. 

Santa. I hope you ’re all quite well. 

Imps. Quite well. And you, sir? 

Santa. I am in my usual health, and glad to meet you 
all once more. 

Imps. You do us proud, sir. 

Song. 

( Tune , “ I am the captain of the ‘ Pinafore .’ ”) 

Santa. I am old Santa, who’s beloved by all. 

Imps. A right good Santa, too. 

Santa. You’re veiy, very good; and, be it under¬ 
stood, 

I command a right good crew. 

Imps . He’s very, very good ; and, be it understood, 

He commands a right good crew. 

Santa. Though I’m old as the hills, I’ve no bodily ills ; 
I’m young as the blithest boy. 

I never do refuse my whole arts to use, 

To fill children’s hearts with joy. 

Imps (wave hammers high ). 

Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, 
For our good St. Nick, with his bounteous 
store. 

Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, 
For our Santa, with his bounteous store. 
Santa. I do my best to satisfy them all. 

Imps, And with you they are quite content. 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME, 


9 


Santa . You ’re exceedingly polite, and I think it only 
right 

To return the compliment. 

Imps. We’re exceedingly polite, and he thinks it 
only right 

To return the compliment. 

Santa . Bad language or abuse we will never, never 
use, 

Whatever the emergency. 

We will always be polite, and do just what is 
right; 

And so we ’ll live jollily. 

Imps. Then give three cheers, etc. 

Santa. And now, my good helpers, to work, to work! 

We can afford no idleness at Christmas-tide. 

(He retires to liisplace. They all work and sing.) 

Song. 

(This can he omitted; hut it is extremely brilliant and 
effective, and, with a little extra trouble and persist¬ 
ence, is easily performed.) 

(Tune, “ Anvil Chorus .”) 

All. Look now! our cave, all so festive and bright, 

Sheds its radiance around. Let us not be de¬ 
laying. 

Evening invites us to labor: the day 

We’ll devote to our rest and our cheerful 
playing. 

Chorus. To work let’s hasten. Now, then, with 
hammers! 


10 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


What, when the day departs, and we with 
work are laden, 

What then doth cheer our hearts? What 
but the love of children ? 

What, what? What then doth cheer our 
hearts ? 

The love of children, the love of children, the 
love of children! 

All. E’en while we work do their sweet voices ring 
In our ears ; and we ’ll work for them till rosy 
morning. 

Let us, then, hasten, nor lingering stay 
Till the sun is on high and the day past 
dawning. 

Chorus. To work let’s hasten, etc. 

{After a few moments of work, in which the sound of 
anvils is distinguished, music is heard in the distance. 
The imps listen, with hands at their ears in listening 
attitude, on tiptoe, going toward the rear of stage, as 
though looking, stretching their heads toward the direc¬ 
tion of the music. This opportunity must he seized to 
clear the stage of anvils.) 

Song. 

(Tune, u Over the bright blue sea.”) 

(Fairies not in sight; at first very soft; then as if 
nearer, louder and louder.) 

Over the moonlit earth come the loving elves of wood¬ 
land birth; 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


11 


Wherever we may go, all, all to us affection show. 
Shout o’er the moonlit earth for the loving elves of 
woodland birth, 

Shout o’er the moonlit earth for the loving elves of 
woodland birth, 

For the loving elves of woodland birth. 

Song. 

{Tune, “ We sail the ocean blue”) 

Imps {coming to front of stage). 

The fairies bright are seen, 

A crowd of blushing beauty. 

We know they ’ll find us clean, 

And attentive to our duty. 

Our gorgeous cave’s a beauty; 

We ’re attentive to our duty, 

We ’re sober imps and true, 

We work for Santa Claus. 

Song. 

{Enter fairies, singing , and skipping on tiptoe , two by 
two , little ones first. Imps . who have got to right oj 
stage , bow and salute continually as the fairies skip in. 
They continue skipping up and down in solid mass for 
a moment after all are in , imps joining.) 

{Tune, “ Oayly tripping ,” etc.) 

Fairies. Oayly tripping, lightly skipping, flock the 
fairies to the grotto. 

Gayly tripping, lightly skipping, flock the 
fairies to the grotto. 

La, la, la, etc. 


12 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


Santa. Now give three cheers. I ’ll lead the way: 
Hurrah! hurrah! 

Imps . Hurrah! hurrah ! hurray! S-a-n-t-a C-l-a-u-s ! 

(Spelling it after the manner of universities.) 

{Tune, “ I am the monarch of the seas.”) 

Santa. I am the king of girls and boys, 

The ruler of the Christmas joys, 

Whose praise the whole world loudly chants. 

Queen. And we are the fairies of the woodland 
haunts. 

Fairies. And we are the fairies of the woodland 
haunts, 

The fairies of the woodland haunts. 

Santa. When I see a good girl or boy, 

My bosom swells with joy; 

And I send them gifts, e’en if poverty 
taunts. 

Queen. And so do the fairies of the woodland 
haunts. 

Fairies. And so do the fairies of the woodland 
haunts, 

The fairies of the woodland haunts. 


Santa. 


But when they are naughty and bad, 

I generally go away sad, 

And leave them to the fate that their 
naughtiness plants. 

And so do the fairies of the woodland 
haunts. 


8 ANT A CLAUS AT HOME. 


13 


Fairies. And so do the fairies of the woodland 
haunts, 

The fairies of the woodland haunts, 

The fairies of the woodland, the fairies of 
woodland haunts. 

Song. 

(Tune, “ Buttercup .”) 

Queen. O loving workers, safeguards of our Christ¬ 
mas ! 

We come here to your cave, trusting you ’ll 
help us, 

You’ve power and means, spare all you can 
afford 

To help the fairies from your mighty hoard. 

Chorus (fairies). 

Then help the bright fairies, the kind little 
fairies; 

Santa’s-fteZpers should never deny. 

So help the gay fairies, the sweet little fairies ; 

Queen. For the Queen of these fairies am I. 

You’ve things that are pretty, — many-a-scm# 
and ditty; 

You’ve candy and trinkets and toys ; 

You’ve ribbons and laces and dolls with sweet 
faces 

To please little maidens and boys ; 

You’ve all that is needful, if you ’11-only be 
heedful 

Of our wishes and our loving plan. 


14 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


You’ve all that’s delightful, and it’s only 
rightful 

That you should help us all you can. 

Chorus (fairies). Then help the, etc 

Santa. Tell us, my dear little fairies, what is it that 
brings you to our cave to-night? The heart of old 
Santa and the hearts of these his imps are always ready 
to serve in a good cause at Christmas. 

Song. 

( Duet , Santa and Queen . Tune, “ Merry , merry 
maiden”) 

Queen. Kind Santa, I’ve important information. 

Sing hey! St. Nick, who does so kindly rule, 
From you I want a cordial invitation 
To carry to my favorite Sunday school. 

Both. You merry, merry j j (Repeat.) 

Sing hey! you merry j g*^nta } &°°d an ^ true, 

Santa. Sweet fairy, in conundrums you are speaking. 
Sing hey ! you dainty fairy, good and true. 
The answers to them vainly I am seeking, 
About this favorite Sunday school and you. 
Both. Sing hey! etc. 

Queen. You’ve been to see these dear ones times so 
many, 

The little rogues now want to visit you. 

I know you will not have objections any 
To granting them this princely favor, too. 
Both. Sing hey 1 etc. 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


15 


Santa. Sweet fairy, I begin to understand you. 

You know I never let my home be seen; 

Yet’t is not in my heart to reprimand you, 
You merry, merry, roguish little queen. 

Both. Sing hey! etc. 

Santa. My sweet little queen, you ’re modest in 
your demands for these cherished little people. And 
how are these children worthy of this great honor? 

Queen {stepping forth ). I am Love, the Queen of 
these fairies. All this year have I dwelt in their hearts, 
and many and many a kindly deed could I tell of their 
doing. 

2d Fairy. I’m Happiness ; and because Love, our 
Queen, has reigned in their hearts, I also have been 
among them, and many a little heart has been blessed 
by my presence. 

3d Fairy. I’m Charity. Let me speak a word, too, 
to tell how many of their pennies go to help the orphans 
and the poor ; and (putting her little finger bashfully in 
her mouth ), dear old Santa, if any have been naughty 
and bad, please do not go away sad and leave them to 
the fate that their naughtiness plants. Let us make 
them all glad. So say I, Charity. 

Fairies ( heartily ). So say we all of us. 

Song. 

(Tune, “ Admiral's Song,” Pinafore.) 

Santa and imps. 

An imp of Santa is a jolly soul, — 

As free as a mountain bird. 


16 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


His heart and soul and hand 
Should be ready at command 
Of a fairy’s slightest word. 

Santa . But his foot should stamp, 

Imps. And his face should scowl, 

Santa. And his breast should heave, 

Imps. And his throat should growl, 

Santa. His brow should furl, 
bnps. And his heart should glow, 

All. Should one of these gay helpers disobliging 
show, 

His foot should stamp, his face should frown, 
His breast should heave, his throat should 
growl. 

His brow should furl, his heart should glow, 
Should one of these gay helpers disobliging 
show. 

All. His eye should flash with a loving fire, 

His heart with joy should pant, 

He ever should bow low 
A sweet fairy’s will to know, 

Her slightest wish to grant. 

Santa. His lip should smile, 

Imps. His eye should gleam, 

Santa. His cheek should flame, 

Imps. His face should beam, 

Santa. His eye should flash 
Imps. In merriest mood, 

All. And this should be his customary attitude. 
(Fall gracefully on one knee before the fairies, as at their 
service . Fairies acknowledge by graceful courtesy .) 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


17 


His lip should smile, his eye should gleam, 

His cheek should flame, his face should beam, 
His eye should flash in merriest mood, 

And this should be his customary attitude. 

(^ls before.) 

Santa. And which is this cherished Sunday school 
for which you ask such princely favor? 

Queen. The Orthodox* Sunday School in-,-. 

Imps. Ha, ha, ha ! He will help you, our Santa; for 
in his secret soul he is Orthodox.* 

Song. 

{Tune, “ He is an Englishman .”) 

Fairies and Imps. 

He is an Orthodox,f—behold him, — he i> 
an Orthodox.t 
For he himself has said it, 

And’t is greatly to his credit 

That he is an Orthodox.f 

For he might have been a Quaker, 

A Papist, or a Shaker, 

Or, perhaps, a Unitarian {or an Orthodox). 
But in spite of all temptations 
To belong to denominations, 

He remains an Orthodox.f 
He remains an Orthodox.f 

{Repeat the last four lines.) 

Fairies and Imps. Ha, ha! ha, ha ! 

{All laugh heartily at Santa.) 


« Or Methodist or Unitarian, etc. 
t A Methodist, Unmrsalist, Unifarian. a Baptist true 



18 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


Santa . My faithful imps, what say you all? 

1st Imp. I'm Gold. I'll work without rest. 

2d Imp. I’m Iron. I ’ll do my level best. 

3d Imp. I'm Fire. I ’ll blaze without a pause. 

All the Imps. And we ’ll all do our best to help you, 
Santa Claus. 

Santa. So, my dainty little fairies, we shall be ready 
to receive our guests when they shall arrive. None 
but your own sweet selves would ever have wrung 
such a favor from us. 

Imps and Fairies (chorus as before). 

Then give three cheers, and one cheer more, 
etc. 

(Music strikes up. Each imp offers his arm to a fairy. 
They arrange themselves in solid battalion , little ones 
in front, and, to the music, cross right foot over left, 
then left over right. The “ Racquet ” is particularly 
good music for this light up-and-down movement.) 

Curtain. 

SCENE III. 

Scene (Same), — Santa*s Home. 

Curtain rises on Santa, Imps, and Fairies, waiting for 
the arrival of the children. 

(Tune, “ See, the conquering hero comes.** Air of the 
Full Chorus.) 

Chorus. 

All. See, the rosy children come ! 

Sound the trumpet, beat the drum ! (Repeat.) 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME, 


19 


Hasten now, and presents bring, 

Songs of greeting to them sing! {Repeat.) 

See the joyous throng advance, 

Triumph in each countenance. {Repeat.) 
Blithe young hearts, so free from guile,— 
Greet them with a welcome smile ! {Repeat.) 

(The children of the Sunday school file up and across 
the stage. If there he hut one pair of steps, another 
can easily he improvised. Santa gives each a present. 
A simple Christmas card, a cornucopia, hox, or even 
lace hag of candy will do. They must he uniform, or 
so nearly so that no name need he attached, that he 
may take them as they come; or a certain kind for the 
small , another for larger, sending, of course, the 
small ones up first. Names on the presents make 
great confusion in distributing. Santa can have the 
presents somehow laden on himself. There are many 
fanciful ways. With a wide-awake, playful Santa, 
this will he a most agreeable scene to both audience and 
children. If not possible for the children to come on 
the stage, they must pass before it, though it is not 
nearly so satisfactory. The children must file quietly 
and immediately into their seats. They can he told 
before the curtain rises what they will he expected to 
do.) 

{Chorus of “ I am the captain,” etc.) 

Imps. Now give three cheers and one cheer more, 
etc. 


20 


SANTA GLAUS AN HOME. 


Song. 

(Tune, “ When I was a lad”) 

Santa. When I was a lad, I served my youth 

As errand boy at the forming of the earth : 

I put in the rocks and I stuck down trees, 

And I helped make the moon from a big green 
cheese. 

Fairies and Imps . 

And he helped make the moon from a big green 
cheese. 

Santa. And I ran all the errands so faithfullee 

That now I am the ruler of your festivitee. 

Fairies and Imps. 

He ran all the errands so faithfullee 
That now he is the ruler of our festivitee. 
Santa. When the earth was done, I raced around, 
And plenty of errands to do I found. 

I was so happy, and I felt so gay, 

That I merrily sang my time away. 

Fairies and Imps. 

And he merrily sang his time away. 

Santa. I did shout and sing so lustilee 

That now I am the ruler of your festivitee. 

Fairies and Imps. 

He did shout and sing so lustilee 
That now he is the ruler of our festivitee. 
Santa. As errand boy I made such a mark 

That they gave me the post of a senior clerk. 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


21 


I served up the writ of Adam’s arrest, 

And helped turn him out of his snug, cosey 
nest. 

Fairies and Imps. 

He helped turn him out of his snug, cosey 
nest. 

Santa. And I did that job so heartilee 

That now I am the ruler of your festivitee. 

Fairies and Imps . 

And he did that job so heartilee 
That now he is the ruler of our festivitee. 
Santa. I cared not a whit for Adam and his pain; 

But soon came along little Abel and Cain. 
Then each little boy I loved as a prince, 

And 1 ve loved little children ever since. 
Fairies and Imps. 

And he’s loved little children ever since. 
Santa. And I loved these children so tenderlee 

That now I am the ruler of your festivitee. 
Fairies and Imps. 

And he loved these children so tenderlee 
That now he is the ruler of our festivitee. 
Santa (bows). And now, my friends, children, 
fairies, all of you; we’ve had a merry time together. 
I hope we shall meet for many and many a Christmas to 
come. I and my imps will be always glad to serve you 
at Christmas time. 

( Tune as before.) 

Queen. And so will the fairies of the woodland 
haunts 


22 


SANTA CLAUS AT HOME. 


Fairies. And so will the fairies of the woodland 
haunts. 

The fairies of the woodland, the fairies of the 
woodland, 

The fairies of the woodland haunts. 

Imp {coming forward). Now let’s give three cheers 


for Santa; 

parents, children, all of us. One, 

Audience. 

Hurrah! 

Imp. 

Two. 

Aud. 

Hurrah 1 

Imp. 

Three. 

Aud. 

Hurrah! 

Imps. 

S-a-n-t-a C-l-a-u-s I 


( Finish , as in Scene II., by selecting partners, etc «} 


Curtain . 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST 


§1 Christmas Entertainment 


BY 


F. E. CHASE 


AUTHOR OF “ A 7ERSONAL MATTER,” “ BABIE,” ETC. 


! 


CHARACTERS. 


CHILDREN. 


Peto, king of Topseyturveydom , aged twelve. 
Petita, his queen , aged eleven. 

Muff, his lord-high-chamberlain, aged seven. 
Tippet, first lady in waiting , agedfive. 


Nip ) 

_ ’ >• the king’s guards , aged four. 

X UCKj \ 

Courtiers, boys and girls of various ages and sizes. 


GROWN PEOPLE. 

Bumblekin, afterward Santa Ciccits. 

Polly \ r ° y a ^ children . 

Two Servants. 





COSTUMES. 


Peto, Petita, Muff, and Tippet, as well as all the attendant 
courtiers, are to be dressed like miniature men and women, and as 
nearly in character as circumstances will permit. 

Nip and Tuck may be costumed as policemen. The very 
smallest children that can be found are to be given these parts, as 
their effectiveness in representation depends principally on their 
diminutive size. 

Bumblekin must show in his dress evidence of poverty and 
travel: any old duds will answer. A second dress — the usual 
Santa Claus costume — is of course to be provided for him. 

Jolly and Polly, played, as is Bumblekin, by adults, should be 
costumed as very young children usually are; the more exagger¬ 
atedly the better. Both parts are played by vien of course. 

The Servants may be dressed in livery, though this is not 
essential. They should be selected with especial regard to height, 
in order to offer as great a contrast as possible to the members of 
Peto’s court. 


3 



M USIC incidental to this piece can be procured of the pub¬ 
lishers of Santa Claus the First, or will be sent by 
mail, postpaid, on receipt of price. 

“ON WEEK-DAYS AT THE MARKET” 

From “ La Fille de Mme. Angot.” 

Price, 30 cents. 

“SERVANTS’ CHORUS.” 

From the Finale to the First Act of “ Martha.” 

Complete, $1.00. 

“BABY MINE.” 

Published in Cundy’s Five Cent Series. 

Price, 40 cents. 

“MY MASTER IS PUNCTUAL.” 

From Sullivan’s “Cox and Box.” 

Price, 50 cents. 

CONSPIRATORS’ CHORUS. 


4 


From “ La Fille de Mme. Angot.” 

Price, 30 cents. 


PROLOGUE. 


{Spoken by as small a child as can be found capable of learning it.) 

Midway between the moon’s two horns there lies 
The land of Topseyturveydom, whose skies 
Are always pleasant, where it never rains, 

Where no one thinks of having aches or pains ; 

A land of joy and never-ending mirth, 

As different as can be from this earth. 

There, boys and girls command and men obey, 

And parents do just what their children say. 

The king is twelve years old, his queen eleven, 

And not a courtier there that’s over seven. 

Boy generals o’er boyish armies rule, 

And nobody but grown folks goes to school. 

Throughout that favored realm ’tis always day, 

And no one thinks of any thing but play, 

Except old people : they do all the work, 

While children spank them soundly if they shirk. 

No dentist dares to show his face, because 
The toothache is forbidden by their laws ; 

And doctors also are compelled to take, 

If they’re found out, the nasty pills they make. 

There no one has to wash, or comb his hair, — 

Yet dirty children are extremely rare,— 

And girls and boys sit up till very late, 

While all grown folks are sent to bed at eight. 

In fact, they nothing but amusement seek : 


5 



6 


PROLOGUE. 


They go to picnics several times a week, 

Parties each night, a circus every day; 

And, best of all, there’s not a cent to pay. 

Plains there, of pie, and hills, of cake are made, 

And all the rivers are of lemonade. 

Gum-drops grow wild on trees, and taffy’s found 
In five-pound boxes lying on the ground. 

Base-balls, like plums, and bats, like cornstalks, grow, 
While dolls and peg-tops fall instead of snow. 

Their peas are marbles ; and, in all their glades, 

Grow ivory-handled knives with seven blades. 

Their ponds, in winter, freeze to nice ice-cream, 

While spoons, like rushes, border every stream; 

With which those happy children eat their fill 
Of creams, all summer, without getting ill. 

But there! I’ve told you quite enough, I fear. 

What’s that you say ? I don’t exactly hear. 

You want to hear some more ? Well, then you may, 
If you’ll but listen to our little play. 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


Scene. — King Peto’s court. The rising of the curtain 
discloses the king and queen seated at the back of the 
stage, on their throne. Nip and Tuck, the king's 
guards, stand, respectively, right and left of the royal 
pair. A little down the stage, and on the right hand 
Working's) side of the scene, is Muff; similarly placed 
on the left hand (or queen's) side, is Tippet. The 
ladies and gentlemen of the court are disposed at the 
back and sides of the stage, — the boys on the right, 
ajid girls on the left, of the throne. At the extreme left 
and right of the front of the stage stand two very tall 
seri’ants. Behind the curtains, at the back of the 
throne, the Christmas-tree may be placed, ready to be 
disclosed at the proper time. 

(Chorus. Air, “ On Week-days at the Marketsung 
by Amaranthe, in “ La Fille de Mme. Angot.") 

All. Long live the great King Peto, 

Long live his gracious Queen! 

No kinder king than he to 
His subjects e’er was seen. 


7 



8 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


Girls. 


Boys. 


All. 


All. 


Girls. 


Boys. 


In bran new clothes, 

And silken hose, 

We girls are all bedight. 

He lets us play 
At ball all day, 

And pillow-fights all night. 

T opsey turveydom, 
Topseyturveydom, 

Happy land of dolls and toys; 
Loudly sing of it, 

Peto, king of it, 

All his subjects, girls and boys. 
T opsey turveydom, 
etc.; repeat. 

Beneath no rule but Peto’s 
So many “ Fourths ” appear, 
Are crackers and torpedoes 
In season all the year. 

Yearly, then, he 
Gives as many 
Birthdays as we choose. 

And allows us 
Long-legged trousers, 
Braces, too, to use. 


All. Topseyturveydom, 

etc., as before. 

Peto {rising). My lords and ladies all, you do me 
proud. 

Still, I must say, if I may be allowed, 

I fear I don’t deserve your praises quite. 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


9 


All. Yes, yes, you do ! 

Peto. Yes? Well, perhaps you’re right. 

I always try to do the best I can, 

And always act as best becomes a man. 

(Sits.) But now to business. Let our chamberlain 
Read that report of his, and read it plain. 

Muff (producing a paper). I’m very sorry, sire, I am 
indeed; 

I’d do it gladly, but — I cannot read. 

Peto. What! Is our chamberlain, then, such a fool! 
Muff. Remember, sire, I never went to school. 

Peto. True, I forget. For that you’ve me to thank. 
How many pennies in our savings bank ? 

You count, I hope? 

Muff (producing bank). Yes, sire, ’tis easy done : 

I only have to count as far as one (rattles bank). 

Peto. But one cent left! Why, then we’re ruined 
quite. 

Still, we won’t let our royal appetite 
Be injured by such little things as these; — 

What, varlet, ho ! A gum-drop, if you please. 

(A servant comes from l. with a bag of gum-drops, which 
he hands with great show of respect to Peto, who takes 
one, and is about to hand the bag back.) 

Take them away. 

Petita (taking the bag: servant goes back to l., bow¬ 
ing very humbly). Nay, not so fast, my dear; 
Pray have the decency to pass them here. 

Peto. Excuse me, love. And now, our business o’er, 
I’ll make that speech I’ve often made before. 


IO 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


{All the courtiers fall asleep , and snore loudly.) 

{Pises.) My faithful subjects, as you’re all aware, 

The people’s good should be a king’s sole care; 

And, acting on this principle, your king 
Has always tried to please in every thing. 

(Queen, Muff and Tippet, grow impatient.) 

Above all else he strives to never bore — 

Petita. If that’s the case, then let him say no more. 
Peto. What’s that? 

Muff. Ah, sire, your speech delights us; still, 

Why can’t you cut it short ? 

All {waking up). Please do ! 

Peto. I will. 

To-day is Christmas, at which time of year 
Whate’er my subjects ask is theirs. 

All. Hear, hear! 

Peto. Have any here petitions ? 

Muff. Yes, my lord, 

Your generals each want a new tin sword. 

{Two boys come forward\ and bow.) 

Peto. They shall have ten apiece. Now, Tippet, 
speak. 

Tippet. I’d like a birthday, sire, twice a week. 

Petita. Take four, my dear : you are too modest, far. 
Peto. Who next? 

A Boy {stepping forward). I’d like a nice sweet-fern 
cigar. 

All. Oh, oh ! {in tones of astonishment and horror ). 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


II 


Petita. The wretch ! 

Peto ( coming down stage). Can I believe my ears? 
He thinks of smoking at his tender years ! 

Guards, do your duty; drag this man away, 

And lock him in the cellar. 

Nip and Tuck. We obey. 

{Coming down and seizing boy during prelude.) 

{Chorus. Air , “ Chorus of Servants ,” from the finale to 
the first act of “ Martha.") 

Girls ( indignantly ). Serve him right, too; 

He is quite too 
Presuming, thus 
To talk to us. 

No gentleman 
Would ever plan 
Such speeches e’en in joke. 

Boys (each slyly holding up a sweet-fern cigar, confidentially ). 
Yes, it’s awful, 

And unlawful 
To puff, we know, 

Strong tobacco; 

But we’ve to learn 
That nice sweet fern 
Is not the thing to smoke. 

Ensemble. 

Girls. Boys {showing cigars). 

Ladies never, never, Lock him up, however: 

Such a habit can excuse. We his crime can’t well excuse. 

Next time he’ll endeavor, Next time he’ll endeavor, 

P’raps, to mind his P’s and Q’s. P’raps, to mind his P’s and Q’s. 


12 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


Peto. Away with him who thus our anger dares, 

To darkest dungeon ’neath the cellar stairs, 

Where rats and beetles dwell. 

Boy ( imploringly ). Have mercy, sire ! 

Peto. Give him no supper, guards, or fear our ire, 
And take away his marbles, top, and ball. 

I hope I’m not too harsh? (To the courtiers .) 

All. Oh ! not at all. 

(Nip and Tuck drag away the boy , struggling .) 

Peto (going up'). Then, friends, if you’ve no more 
requests to make, 

We’ll have our children in, if they’re awake, 

And in the good old way our Christmas keep. 

(Calls to servant, r., who is nodding.) 

What, sirrah, ho ! Confound him, he’s asleep. 

Pray wake him up. 

(Boys stick pins in servant, who wakes and comes for¬ 
ward.) 

(Sitting down.) So knave, I caught you napping. 

For this, to-morrow, you shall have a strapping. 

(Servant appeals, in action.) 

Be silent, sir ! Don’t bandy words with me : 

Go light the candles on our Christmas-tree. 

( The two servants go behind curtains at back.) 

You, Tippet, bring to us our children sweet. 

(Tippet goes out, l.) 

Petita (calls) . Be careful, Tippet, lest they wet their 
feet. 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


13 


Peto. Now, Muff, the Christmas presents. 

Muff. Never fear, 

Nothing’s forgotten. See, I have them here. 

{Hands two huge woollen stockings full of parcels .) 
Peto (takes them and gives one to Petita : both then get 
up , and stand in their chairs ). Then all is ready. 
Petita. Hark! They’re here. What joy ! 

(Tippet enters , l., leading Jolly and Polly by the hand.) 
Polly. Papa ! (. Running to Peto.) 

Jolly. Mamma ! ( Running to Petita.) 

Peto ( embracing Polly) . My child ! 

Petita {embracing Jolly) . My darling boy ! 

Muff. All give three cheers ! 

All. Hurrah ! Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 

Peto. What is to-day, my child ? 

Polly. Why, Christmas, pa. 

Tippet. How bright the darling is. A perfect sage. 
Muff. Besides, how very well-grown for her age. 
Petita. What presents would you like, my dears? 
Confess. 

Jolly. I’d like a meerschaum pipe. 

Polly. I, a silk dress. 

Peto. You shall have every thing you wish, my dear, 
For Christmas Day can come but once a year. 

{Duet. Air , “ Baby Mine.”) . 

(Peto and Petita take the stockings , and produce parcels 
from them when the words of the song demand it.) 
Peto ( sings ). Here’s a bustle and a bonnet (hands parcel ), 
Polly mine, Polly mine. 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 

Here’s a cane with tassels on it {hands parcel ), 

Jolly mine, Jolly mine. 

Here’s a pair of pearl ear-drops {parcel). 

Here’s a razor and some strops (parcel). 

And a pretty horse and buggy, 

Baby mine, baby mine, 

And a pretty horse and buggy, 

Baby mine. 

(Both fondle children during symphony.) 

Petita {sings). Here’s a pipe, your own selection {gives parcel), 
Jolly mine, Jolly mine. 

Peto {sings). Here’s some rouge for your complexion {parcel), 
Polly mine, Polly mine. 

Petita. Here are driving-gloves a pair {parcel). 

Peto. Here’s a switch of nice false hair {parcel). 

Both. And a house and lot extensive, 

Baby mine, baby mine, 

And a house and lot extensive, 

Baby mine. 

{All applaud , Peto and Petita bow acknowledgments.) 

Now give your pa a kiss. 

{kissing him). Yes, pa. 

One more. 

No, no : you mussed my hair enough before. 

{Arranging hair.) 

Peto. Fie, child, to thus your loving father treat! 

Still, I must say, I like to see you neat. 

(King and Queen clamber down, and sit on their thrones ; 
Jolly and Polly r. and l. of them.) 


Peto. 

Polly 

Peto. 

Polly. 


14 

Petita. 

Peto. 

Petita. 

Both. 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


15 


{To court.) Now, friends, let mirth and pleasure reign 
supreme. 

The happy Christmas time — the darling dream 
Of all our year — is once again come true. 

Sing, dance, laugh, any thing that pleases you: 

No longer am I king, so don’t mind me; 

A greater monarch reigns, — the Christmas-tree. 

(All cheer .) 

All ready, Muff? 

Muff. Yes, sire. 

Peto ( rising , waving sceptre ). Then begin ! 

{As Muff is about to draw curtains , a noise is heard 
outside.) 

But stay a minute. What’s that frightful din ? 

Muff {goes down and looks off r.). A stranger, sire, 
is struggling with your guards. 

Peto. We take our ease just now : till afterwards 
All business waits. 

Muff {looking off). But, sire, he will be seen. 

Peto. Why, what the dickens does the fellow mean? 
Does he know who we are ? He sha’n’t, I say. 

Muff. Too late : your guards are bringing him this way. 
Some dentist, sire, perhaps. ( Goes up.) 

Peto. I do not doubt it. 

Well, let him come; but please be quick about it. 

Pray take away our children, Tippet dear: 

Things may be said that they ought not to hear. 

(Tippet takes their hands , and leads them l.) 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


16 

Jolly and Polly. No, no : we want to stay. {Resist¬ 
ing.) 

Peto. Are we obeyed, 

Or not ? Away ! 

Muff (Tippet leads children off l., weeping). Here 
comes the renegade. 

{Musicplays a “hurry Nip and Tuck enter rapidly , 
R., dragging between them Bumblekin, whom they hurl , 
of course with his connivance , on the stage before the 
throne: chord.) 

Peto. Upon what charge is he arrested, guards ? 

Nip. For too fast driving on the boulevards. (Tippet 
returns.) 

Peto. Driving ! A horse ? 

(Bumblekin rises with difficulty , and anxiously examines 
a book which he carries.) 

Tuck. Your honor, no : — a trade. 

Peto. Oho ! An old offender, Pm afraid (to Bum¬ 
blekin) . 

Come, sir, your name and business; don’t be long {sits). 
Bumblekin. I’ll tell you both, your honor, in a song. 

( Goes down : music plays a prelude.) 

SONG. 

{Air, “My master is punctual&c., from “Cox and 
Box,” by Burnand and Sullivan.) 

My name is John Bumblekin, time of life, thirty-two. 
Gentleman born, although seedy and dirty too; 

Business, simply to try and insert a new 
Work on arithmetic into your schools. 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 1 7 

(During symphony he approaches courtiers r. and l., and shows 
them his sample-book: all stop up their ears, and turn away.) 

’Tis printed and bound in a style most aesthetical, 

Up to the times, — nay, I may say prophetical,— 

And, let me add in a clause parenthetical, 

Ten per cent, discount is always our rule. 

{Business, as before.) 

’Tis written for all, so extensive its knowledge is, 

Children in nurseries, students in colleges; 

So, if you’re wise, without further apologies 
Strike at the iron before it gets cool. 

{Business, as before ; this time to the king and queen.) 

Peto. Guards, seize him ! Bind him ! Stop his fluent 
tongue, 

For nothing else but treason has he sung. 

Our laws forbid alike both school and college, 

And hold as traitors all possessing knowledge. 

Quick, seize him ! (Nip and Tuck do so.) 

Bumblekin. Mercy, king; I didn’t know 
You moon-folks hated education so. 

I am a stranger here, — have mercy, pray. 

Peto. I’d be delighted, but — ’tis Christmas Day, 
When every offence against our State 
Is doubly punished, being doubly great. 

Bumblekin. Christmas ? What’s that ? A name I 
never heard. 

{All horrified 

Peto. Treason on treasons ! Not another word. 
Away with him ! 


i8 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


Petita. Nay, nay : give me the floor. 

From what land come you, friend ? What far-off shore, 
That never heard of Christmas, gave you birth ? 

Bumblekin. Far off, you may well say : I’m from the 
earth. 

Petita. The earth ? I know : we see it every night, 
A big, round ball of silver-colored light. 

Dear me ! How came you here ? 

Bumblekin. I had to climb 

The rainbow, ma’am. 

Peto. That must have taken time. 

Bumblekin. A weary while, my lord : I’d recommend 
You try some other route if you descend. 

Petita. Poor man ! But how about this earth below ? 
Have they no Christmas there ? 

Bumblekin. I do not know 

At all what Christmas is. 

Muff. The precious fool! 

Nice chap to talk of sending us to school. 

Petita. Why, Christmas is a day, o’er all the rest 
The happiest, the nicest, and the best; 

A day of peace and pudding, jam and joy, 

And countless gifts for every girl and boy ; 

When quarrels are forgot, ill nature stilled, 

And socks with sweets, instead of feet, are filled. 

Have earth-folks no such day? 

Bumblekin. No, none, I fear. 

Does it come often? 

Petita. Only once a year. 

To-day is Christmas. 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


l 9 


Bumblekin. Well, I'm grieved to say 

I never in my life knew such a day. 

All. Poor man ! 

Peto {softened'). You have our deepest pity, sir. 
Petita. There are, on earth, no children, I infer. 
Bumblekin. No children ! Bless your souls, we’ve 
lots and lots. 

Why, I myself have several little tots. 

Petita. You’ve children, and no Christmas ! 

All. What a shame ! 

Bumblekin. Not one ; and more, we never heard the 
name. 

{All the courtiers express in action astonishment and 
sympathy.) 

Petita. This is the saddest thing I ever heard (to 
Peto). 

Allow me, sire, with you to have a word ( they converse ). 
Muff. You’ve birthdays, sir, I hope ? 

Bumblekin. * Oh ! lots of them ; 

And “ July Fourths,” and Sunday School — ahem. 

(Recollecting himself.) 

Petita. I think we really ought. 

Peto. Ought! Nay, we must. 

Think of those poor earth-folks : ’tis only just. 

(Rises.) Beloved subjects, there’s no need to tell 
Our royal mind : you guess it all too well. 

I see the tears that fill your tender eyes 
At this sad tale : I know you sympathize 


20 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


With those poor children in the world below, 

Who neither Christmas-trees nor Christmas know. 

Shall we, on whom so many blessings fall, 

Allow those others to have none at all ? 

No, no ! Since we have every thing we need. 

Let’s send to them our Christmas-tree. 

All ( enthusiastically ). Agreed ! 

Peto. And do without our Christmas Day until 
Another year. Will you consent ? 

All. We will! 

Peto (to Bumblekin). You hear them, friend? This, 
then, is our decree; 

We pardon you your crime, and set you free. 

(Nip and Tuck release Bumblekin, and go up to either 
side of the throne , as before .) 

But, in return, one favor we must ask; 

Become our messenger, — an easy task, — 

To tell of Christmas in the world below. 

Do you consent ? Come, is it yes, or no ? 

Bumblekin. ’Tis yes, a thousand times, most gladly, 
king: 

You couldn’t ask a more congenial thing. 

Peto. Why, then, ’tis settled. You shall have our tree, 
And shall be called forever — let me see. 

Muff. Why, Santa Claus, my lord. 

Peto* The very thing. 

I dub you Santa Claus the First. Now bring 
A proper dress, and lots of sweets and toys, — 

King Peto’s gift to earthly girls and boys. 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


21 


(Muff, Tippet, and others, go after dress, &c.) 

Bumblekin. Thanks, mighty king. Not only once 
I’ll be 

Your messenger, but every year shall see 
A Santa Claus, as long as I shall live. 

Peto. Why, then, eternal life, my Santa Claus, I give. 
Go, spread our Christmas tidings near and far. 

Long live old Santa Claus ! 

All. Hurrah ! Hurrah ! 

(Muff and others return with traditional Santa-Claus 
dress, basket, &C.) 

Peto. We’ve only now to dress him for his part. 
Bumblekin ( looking at his own clothes'). I’ll welcome 
something new with all my heart. 

(During following chorus, Bumblekin is dressed by the 
boys and girls as Santa Claus.) 

(Chorus. Air, “ Conspirators ’ Chorus," from “ La Fille 
de Mme. Angot," while Muff, Tippet, and others, are 
putting on his wig, beard, hat, coat, &c.) 

All. A fur-trimmed mantle and a snow-white beard, 

And a furry turban on his head upreared, 

Is the dress, to every childish heart endeared, 

Which custom’s laws 
Give Santa Claus. 

Boys {while several kneel, andfit on his shoes). 

Fur shoes, too; 

He’s used to 
In such stand. 


22 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


Girls {while several fit gloves upon his hands). 

Fur gloves, too, 

He loves to 
Keep on hand. 

All {as they fasten basket on his back , andfill it with presents ). 

Then, over all, his basket sightly 
Must be strongly bound, and tightly, 

Brimming o’er with sweets and toys. 

Then, over all, his basket sightly 
Must be strongly bound, and tightly, 

Brimming o’er with dolls for girls and toys for boys. 
Boys. With dolls for girls. 

Girls. And toys for boys. 

All. With dolls for girls, and toys for boys. 

{Children draw the curtains which conceal the Christ¬ 
mas-tree, the throne having been removed quietly during 
chorus; then all go off r. and l., on tiptoe, singing 
softly,—) 

A fur-trimmed mantle and a snow-white beard, &c. 

{Music dying away in the distance.) 

Bumblekin {fully occupied with examining his new dress, 
does not notice their departure: as the music dies 
away he speaks, coming down). 

New hat, new coat, new every thing. Well, well, 

Upon my soul, I’m cutting quite a swell. 

It almost seems like some condition dreamy: 

I’d like to see myself as others see me. ( Turning .) 

Have you a mirror handy? No one here? 

Now, when, and where to, did they disappear? 

I must be dreaming, surely : let me see. 


SANTA CLAUS THE FIRST. 


23 


(Pinches himself?) 

No, no, I’m not. Why, there’s the Christmas-tree ! 
Where can I be? Now, Bumblekin, keep cool. 

{Looks about?) 

Back home again, and in some Sunday school! 

Ah ! I remember, — Bumblekin is dead, 

And Santa Claus the First lives in his stead; 

So now to business. Santa Claus presents 
King Peto’s kind regards and compliments, 

And begs that you’ll accept his bounty free, — 

His Christmas presents and his Christmas-tree. 

{Proceeds to distribute presents from the tree?) 





THE 


BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS 

A CHRISTMAS ENTERTAINMENT 


E. C. W. 

author of “panta. ct,aus at ijomibv 


REMARKS. 


This little play is written for the use of persons wishing at 
Christmas some very simple entertainment which a few can 
execute, and which will be short, easy of performance, and inex¬ 
pensive. Do not be afraid to select and trust quite young chil¬ 
dren to no their parts. The author has had much experience 
with young children, and they always more than fulfil expecta¬ 
tions. Work easily and quietly with them, and do not rehearse 
them too much. Instruct them to speak clearly, loudly, and 
slowly. Never, no matter if the speech be of but one word, 
let them hurry; and always make a good opportunity for their 
little speeches, and give them time enough to have full effect. 
A child young enough to sit in a high-chair, and be given a rat¬ 
tle and other playthings, will add very much to the picturesque¬ 
ness of the piece, and will give good opportunity for grouping 
and occupying the other children. The child may be called 
“baby,” even ir quite old, it it is somewhat smau. 


Copyright, 1884, 

By GEORGE M. BAKER. 


All rights reserved. 


Thb Bachelor’s Christmas. 





DRAMATIS PERSONAS. 

Mr. Robert Chester.—A wealthy, hot-tempered, but kind- 
hearted bachelor. 

Mrs. Wilton. — A poor widow with a family of small chil¬ 
dren. She proves to be Mr. Chester’s, sister. 

Harry. — Mrs. Wilton’s oldest child. 

Rex, Daisy, Dotty, and Baby. — Her other children. 

A serving-boy. 

Harriet. — A maid. 


COSTUMES. 

Mr. Chester always as comfortably and stylishly dressed as is 
possible. 

Mrs. Wilton and the children very poorly, with clothing neat 
but patched, until the last scene, when they must be gotten 
up to look as pretty and stylish as possible. 

Time, less than an hour. 


PKOLOGUE 


(Before the curtain. Enter Daisy and Dotty: trip to the 
middle of stage .) 

Dotty. 

Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! 

Merry Christmas to you all! 

Merry Christmas, fathers, mothers; 

Merry Christmas, sisters, brothers; 

To big folks and to smalL 

Daisy. 

We can wish it, you must make it. 

In the heart the merry grows: 

From the heart the face must take it, 

Till with Christmas joy it glows. 

Daisy and Dotty. 

So Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! 

Merry Christmas to you all! 

Merry Christmas, fathers, mothers; 

Merry Christmas, sisters, brothers; 

To big folks and to small. 


4 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


SCENE I. 

Street. Two days before Christmas. Enter Mr. 

Chester. He is muffled up very warm and com¬ 
fortable looking. 

Mr. Chester (searching for something on the ground). 
Fool! Idiot! To lose a pocket-book at my age ! I 
must be getting into my dotage. Br-r-r! How cold 
it is ! A curse on the malicious fates ! I shall never 
see that money and those valuable papers again. You 
can stake your — ( Stops suddenly on looking up, and 

seeing Harry watching him. Harry’s clothes are 
patched; he has no overcoat; a tippet around his 
neck. He has his hands in pockets, and keeps his feet 
in motion to keep them warm.) Hullo, youngster! 
What are you spying after, I should like to know? 
Haven’t you any thing better to do than to stand 
around poking fun at your betters ? 

Harry. I’m not poking fun, sir. 

Mr. C. Well, just let me know why you consti¬ 
tute yourself a spy on gentlemen’s movements. Hey! 
Get out of my way, I say, young impudence (lifts his 

5 



6 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


cane threateningly at him. Harry dodges ). What do 
you want around here, anyway? 

Harry. I thought you seemed to be looking for 
something, sir. 

Mr. C. Well, and if I was looking for something? 
Isn’t that my privilege, sir? Be off, I say ! ( Suddenly 
changing tone , as an idea strikes him.) I say, little 
boy, you haven’t found any thing, have you? 

Harry. Yes, sir : I found a pocket-book with a lot 
of money in it. 

Mr. C. ( irritably). Well, now you talk business. 
{Angrily.) But why don’t you give it to me, and not 
stand gaping there ? I suppose you want to chaffer 
about the reward. Hand it over, I say ! {Strikes the 
ground angrily with his cane.) Hand it over. You 
need have no fears. I shall pay you handsomely. 

Harry. But mother said I was to be sure it was 
the right man, ’cause there’s ever so much money in it. 

Mr. 0. True. Your mother is right. Of course, 
of course. But I am the right man, you see : so you 
may give it to me. 

Harry. But mother said I must ask the man his 
name ; for there’s a whole bunch of his cards in it. 

Mr. C. Why, of course! What a dolt I am! 
I’m acting like the impatient idiot that I am, and the 
boy keeps his temper like a gentleman. {Bending down 
'pleasantly to Harry.) My name is Robert Chester. 
Now, is that the name in the pocket-book? 

Harry. Yes, sir ; that is the name. 

Mr. C. Well, then, now you will give me the 
pocket-book, won’t you,, like a nice little boy? 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


T 


Harry. But I haven’t got it. 

Mr. C. Fury and lightning! Haven’t got it! 
Then where in — Ah-ahem ( bending pleasantly down 
to the boy again). Where is it, then, my little man ? 

Harry. Mother’s got it. She says I’m too little to 
carry around such a lot of money. I’ll go right home 
and get it. ( He starts to go.) 

Mr. C. That’s true, of course. Your mother is 
right again. Here, wait. I’ll give you my card, so 
your business-like mother will be satisfied (puts Jus 
hand in overcoat-pocket for his pocket-book , then sud¬ 
denly recollecting) . Oh, I forget! my cards are in my 
con— Ah, in my lost pocket-book, you know, of 
course. Here (he finds a scrap of paper in one of his 
pockets , writes his name on it , and gives it to Harry) . 
There, that will do. How far do you live? 

Harry. Just around the corner. I’ll be back in 
two jiffies. (He runs off.) 

Mr. C. (solo). Now, I wonder how long the chap 
will be gone. I haven’t half-a-dozen wits about me, 
or I should have gone with him. Br-r-r! How cold it 
is ! Ah, here comes the boy! He’s spry, that’s a 
fact. One must be, this weather, or freeze. (Enter 
Harry, out of breath.) See here, youngster, are you 
crazy? Don’t you know it’s cold weather? 

Harry (staring in surprise). Sir ! 

Mr. C. I say, it’s a stinger of a day. Why don’t 
you wear your overcoat ? 

Harry. I haven’t any overcoat. I’ve got this big 
tippet, though. 

Mr. C. Nonsense! Now, what a reasonable yarn 


8 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


that is ! Haven’t any overcoat, such weather as this ! 
That’s likely, that is. Why doesn’t your stupid father 
get you one ? 

Harry (a little proudly). I haven’t any father, and 
my father wasn’t stupid. 

Mr. C. I beg your pardon. Of course he wasn’t. 
(Aside.) I’m the stupid one. No father at all! that’s 
shocking really, and such a baby too ! (To boy.) But 
aren’t you cold, you know? 

Harry. A little bit, sometimes ; but when I’m big 
I’ll earn me an overcoat. 

Mr. C. (aside). Hear him, now ! D’ye s’pose he’s 
too poor to have a coat? On honor, I’ve heard them 
tell of such things; but no, it’s absurd, it can’t be. 
Not to have an overcoat, such weather as this! (To 
boy.) Well, little boy, did you bring my pocket-book? 
If you did, I’m thinking you’ve earned yourself an 
overcoat without waiting till you’re big. 

Harry. Mother says she is sorry to trouble you, 
sir; but I’m not very big, and, as it’s only a step, she 
would feel safer if she gave it to you herself. 

Mr. C. Bah! another delay. I was a fool not to 
go with you in the first place. After all, she is right. 
Come along, my man. (Exeunt Mr. Chester and 
Harry.) 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


9 


SCENE II. 

Mrs. Wilton’s home. Very poor and desolate looking. 
The pocket-hook lies half-open on a pine table. The 
children , excepting Harry, gathered around the table , 
intent upon the pocket-book. Mrs. Wilton aside , 
holding in her hand the piece of paper Harry brought 
from Mr. Chester. 

Rex. Oh my buttons ! Just look, Daisy! See the 
piles of money. My eyes ! I wish it was ours. We’d 
have the big turkey that’s hanging up down to Smith’s 
for Christmas dinner, wouldn’t we though? ’n’ cran- 
b’ries, ’n’ nuts, ’n’ all the fixings. {They peep at it 
excitedly , but do not touch it.) 

Mrs. W. {apart, looking at the paper in her hands). 
Robert Chester ! my own brother. And this was writ¬ 
ten by his own hand ! What will he be like? {Greatly 
agitated.) Will he know me? No, no, he will not 
know me. Twelve long years of poverty have changed 
me so! How I tremble at thought of meeting him 
again! 

Daisy {going to her mother). Mamma, would you 
know how to cook a great big turkey ? 

Rex. ’Cause if you would, mamma, keep the money, 
’n’ we can buy the one hanging up down to Smith’s, ’n’ 
have some more coal, ’n’ be warm. Keep it, mother: 
I would. Harry found it, ’n’ I think it’s ours. 

Mrs. W. Hush, dears: you do not know what you 
are saying. The money isn’t ours. Hark! they are 


10 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


coming. {Aside.) Heaven help me ! I tremble like 
a leaf. 

{Steps outside. Harry rushes in, runs up to his mother, 
and speaks hastily.) 

Harry. He’s cross as a bear, mother, but don’t 
you be afraid. He’s all right. {Rushes back, shows in 
Mr. Chester.) Mamma, this is Mr. Chester. He’s 
the man who lost the pocket-book. 

Mr. C. {very much embarrassed) . Your son, madam, 
ahem — your boy here — ahem ! {He looks in wonder 
around the room.) You don’t mean to say, madam, 
that you live here ! 

Mrs. W. Yes, sir: this is our home. {Aside.) 
He doesn’t know me ! It is cruel — cruel! 

Mr. C. But really, madam {still looking around), 
ahem— I beg your pardon, it’s none of my affairs, 
you know ; but — ah — well, ahem — ah — What I 
mean is, you know, I shouldn’t think you’d like it. 

Mrs. W. {aside) . Poor Robert! He’s no idea of 
poverty. How should he have ? He has always lived 
in luxury. {To Mr. Chester.) It’s the best I can 
do for them, sir. My family is large, and I have no 
husband and no money. 

Mr. C. Hm! Really! Possible! I’d no idea, 
you know, it was so bad. We give a good deal of 
money to ’em for the poor; really we do indeed, 
madam, and you ought to have some of it. Of course 
you ought. Hm! {Excited.) It’s shocking you 
haven’t. It is really, you know. 

Mrs. W. (aside). My own brother, and he will not 
know me. And he has changed too. It seems impos¬ 
sible that this is my bright brother Bob. 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


11 


Mr. C. And your boy found my pocket-book. I 
am the right man, madam. Indeed, you may believe 
me. 

Mrs. W. {giving Mm the pocket-hooik). Certainly I 
believe you, and I am very glad my son was able to do 
you the service. 

Mr. C. Yes, yes. And what shall I — you know 
what I mean — ah— What’s the right thing to pay 
him for his honesty, you know? How much do you 
want? 

Mrs. W. {proudly). We want no pay, sir, for 
being honest. Honesty is its own reward. 

Mr. C. {nervously). Why, yes, of course, madam ; 
of course, without doubt. That’s a very sublime sen¬ 
timent,— very, and I approve of it perfectly, per¬ 
fectly, madam; {turning to Harry) but look here, 
young man, you know, set your own price, and you 
needn’t be at all bashful. 

Harry. Mother is right. I will not be paid for 
being honest. 

Mr. C. {striking his cane angrily on the floor). Con¬ 
fusion to your fine sentiments ! You little simpleton, 
I say you shall be paid. Gods and heroes ! Do you 
think you’re to do me a service like that, and not be 
paid for it? {The children start hack when he strikes 
his cane , the smallest one clinging to its mother.) 

Daisy {coming forward in front of Mr. Chester, 
and stamping her little foot vigorously , and looking up 
in his face). Harry isn't a simpleton, and you’re a 
naughty, bad man. Harry sha’n’t take whatever he 
don’t want to — so now ! {Stamps again.) 


12 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


Mr. C. {frowning down at Daisy a moment , then 
upon all the rest , suddenly bursts into a laugh). Ha, 
ha, ha ! You pretty baby ! What do you know about 
it, — you f See here, baby, wouldn’t you like a lot of 
money? now say, wouldn’t you? 

Daisy. ’Nuff to buy the big turkey hanging up 
down to Smif’s? 

Dotty. ’N’ some candy dogs ’n’ horses? 

Rex. ’N’ me a big tippet like Harry’s? 

Mr. C. That’s it exactly, my cherubs: you’ve hit 
it plum. And your little fool of a brother won’t take 
the money. Now, what do you say to that ? 

Daisy {stamping again). Harry isn’t a fool-ver- 
brover, and if Harry doesn’t want us to have ’em we 
don’t want ’em. ( Wags her head at him defiantly , and 
goes to Harry.) Won’t you let the man give us some 
money ? Please do, Harry dear, and we’ll have a nice 
big fire, and be warm. It’s cold. 

Mr. C. {winces as he looks at the fire). Shades! 
It’s only the ghost of a fire. 

Dotty. An’ we’ll be rich, Hally. 

Rex. Do, Hal. Let him. We need the money 
more’n he does. 

Harry {to Mr. Chester). When I found your 
pocket-book, sir, I was going over to do some errands 
for Smith. He was going to give me half a dollar. I 
lost the job waiting round for you. You could pay me 
the half-dollar, if you please, sir, — just for my time, 
you see. 

Mr. C. Ha, ha! You are a regular little business 
man, you are. Really, I like that, after all. And 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


13 


what were you going to do with your half-dollar, 
pray? 

Harry. Mother and I were going to get some little 
presents to put in the children’s stockings. 

Mr. C. {very much amused). The children's stock¬ 
ings ! That goes ahead of every thing yet. And 
aren’t you one of the children yourself, pray? 

Harry. Oh, yes ! but I’m the big one, you know; 
and — and father told me to help mother take care of 
the littler ones. 

Mr. C. (aside, very much affected). And what 
could you buy for the little ones, my man, with your 
fifty cents ? 

Harry (brightly) . Oh, lots of things! A tippet 
for Rex; and there’s lots of cunning little things for 
the girls at Carter’s, for only five cents apiece; and 
then some candy, ( hastening to explain) just the very 
least bit, you know, sir, to tuck way, way down in the 
toes. 

Mr. C. Well, my boy, here’s your fifty cents (giv¬ 
ing him a silver half-dollar) ; and you’ve earned it, my 
boy, indeed you have (brushes his eyes excitedly). You 
are a good boy, a very good boy. (Turning to Mrs. 
Wilton ; the children all examine Harry’s half-dollar.) 
Madam, you ought to be proud of your son: he’s a 
man, every inch of him. I’m a cross, crusty old bach ; 
but I’ve got half an eye, and I can see they are fine 
children, all of ’em. And now, madam, be kind 
enough to take this money ( lays a bill on the table) , and 
buy them some nice Christmas presents. (Mrs. W. 
makes a motion of refusing.) No, no, my dear madam! 


14 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


it is not to pay your honesty; no, indeed ( pompously ), 
certainly not. It would be absurd, it would be an 
insult, to offer anybody pay for being honest, — ahem 
(embarrassed), ah—ah—of course it would. I agree 
with you. It’s only a Christmas present to your good 
little children ; just exactly, madam, just exactly as I 
would give Christmas presents to my little nephews 
any nieces if I had any. Yes — ah — that’s it; I 
agree with you perfectly, you know. 

Mrs. W. (aside). Oh, it is cruel! Why will he 
not know they are his nephews and nieces ? I will tell 
him. (Starts to attract his attention , but her courage 
fails.) No, no, I cannot: I have not the courage. It 
is enough just to have seen his dear face: I will be 
satisfied. 

Mr. C. Good-day, madam. (To Harry.) Good- 
day, my fine boy. Good-day, all of you. A — a — 
merry Christmas; yes, merry Christmas, that’s the 
way they say it, and I trust you’ll have it. You’ll 
hear from me again, madam; yes indeed, of course. 
I wouldn’t let it end there. Good-day. (Exit.) 

Mrs. W. My brother! my brother Bob, and he is 
gone, actually gone ! It is too cruel! I cannot bear 
it. I was wrong, I was wrong! I should have told 
him. He is hasty, but he is not hard-hearted. He 
would have taken care of my little ones; and now he 
is gone, and I know not where. (Buries face in her 
pocket-handkerchief. The children gather , some about 
baby , some about Harry and his money.) 

(Curtain.) 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


15 


SCENE III. 

Mr. Chester’s room in hotel. Enter Mr. Chester 
in his costume of Scene I. and II. 

Mr. C. ( throws his gloves on the table with an em¬ 
phatic gesture ). Really, I wouldn’t have believed it. 
It doesn’t seem possible, such poverty as that. Right 
under our very eyes, too ! Well (proudly), I’ve always 
given them all the money they’ve asked me for, for 
charitable purposes, — every cent. I’ve never been 
grudging. It’s a comfortable reflection, that is, — a 
very comfortable reflection. (Hangs his overcoat on 
the nail while talking , then takes off his boots , and puts 
on slippers. He takes off his inside coat , and in an ab¬ 
sent-minded way throws it into the corner of the room , 
and tries to hang his boots on the nail.) Well, really ! 
What an old dotard I’m getting to be! Here I am 
hanging up my boots, and throwing my coat in the 
corner. (He puts them right.) Strange I cannot get 
these people out of my mind! I didn’t believe I had 
such a thing as a heart. I thought it was dried and 
withered all to nothing. And here I find I have one, 
and it is stirred through and through. Bah! I’m get¬ 
ting weak and feminine. I sent them the turkey. I’ll 
send them fifty or a hundred dollars, and forget all 
about them. Really, it’s absurd to allow myself to be 
so weak. (Rings the bell , and , picking up a paper , seats 
himself to read. Enter boy. He takes no notice. Boy 
waits respectfully . Looks up.) Dolt! Don’t you see 


16 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


those boots? Well, and haven’t you eyes to see that 
they need blacking? {Exit boy with boots.) My mind 
reverts continually to Mary. My pretty sister Mary! 
Perhaps she is alone in the world like this woman, — 
alone and poor, with half a dozen children to care for. 
God forgive me ! I was a beast to turn her away be¬ 
cause she married a poor man, —I ( blubbering ), I who 
was all she had after father and mother died. What a 
beast I was ! I’m a criminal. I’ll give myself to the 
authorities to be hung. {Blows his nose , and paces the 
stage excitedly.) What weakness and folly is this! 
{Fiercely.) It was her own fault. What right had 
she to marry a man without a cent in his pocket? I 
gave her her choice, — her own brother, or poverty. 
She chose the poverty, — she freely and deliberately 
chose the poverty. It is her own fault — not mine. 
{Seats himself savagely in a chair , and tries to read. 
A few notes of piano in an adjoining apartment are 
heard , then a voice sings , “ Peace on earth, good-will 
to men,” etc. Throws paper angrily down. Singing 
continues.) Thrum, thrum, thrum! They are at that 
eternal rehearsal again. I suppose they will keep that 
up till after Christmas {pacing excitedly up and down 
the stage). No one ought to be allowed to disturb 
people’s peace in this fashion. If they must keep up 
such a racket, they ought to be made to get off by 
themselves. {Sits down , and gradually begins to listen. 
Song stops. A few lingering notes on the piano.) 
“ Peace on earth, good-will to men ! ” I know I shall 
never know peace on earth again till I find my sister 
Mary, and find her I will. {Gets up excited again , 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


17 


pounds the table with his Jist.) When Robert Chester 
says he will do a thing, it is done ; and before Heaven I 
say I will find her ! Marry a poor man, indeed! Why 
should she not marry a poor man if she chooses ? I 
admire her pluck for doing it. Wouldn’t I marry a 
poor woman if it pleased my will? Bast! (, Soberly 
and with great feeling .) But poor Mary! Perhaps she 
is like this woman — who knows? How do I know 
her husband is still living? Twelve years ! He’s had 
time enough to die a dozen times. But ( vehemently 
pounding the table with his fist) I say I will find Mary. 
I’ll—I’ll—I’ll be her slave. ( Blubbers. Enter boy.) 

Boy. Did you call me ? 

Mr. C. (angrily). Did I ring? 

Boy. You pounded, sir. 

Mr. C. (fiercely). Well, hasn’t a man the privilege 
in this hotel of pounding without being called to task 
for it? Go! (Exit boy.) But howto find my poor 
Mary? I have it! I’ll advertise. (Picks up piece of 
paper , takes pencil from pocket , and writes “ Lost.”) 
Lost, lost! No, that won’t do (crosses it , and writes 
again). Strayed, strayed! I should say she was a 
cow (crosses it out). I’m an idiot. I’ll employ a de¬ 
tective. No, that’s worse yet. I should hope she isn’t 
a thief or a murderer. (Throws down pencil , scowls , 
and thinks a moment. Suddenly starts up in great ex¬ 
citement , and rushes up and down the stage.) Know- 
nothing ! Fool! Idiot! No wonder the voice thrilled 
me! No wonder my dead heart came to life again! 
It’s Mary. It’s Mary herself! Heaven forgive me ! 
Have I let her come to this ? I did not know ; I — I 


18 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


— how should I, — how should I know it was so bad ? 
But no, no, it isn’t Mary. It can’t be ! Mary was 
rosy and plump and beautiful; and this woman — 
But twelve years ! Twelve years of such living ! No 
wonder she is changed ! {Flies around excitedly.) But 
I’ll get her — I’ll get her and her children this instant. 
{Looks for his boots, and rings bell.) Strange she did 
not know me, — very strange ! {Blubbers.) And I’ll 
be a father to her children. I’ll— {Enter boy.) You 
scoun— {Aside.) Wait! If I’m to be a father to 
Mary’s babies, I must stop that sort of thing. {Aloud 
to boy.) I say, will you please be kind enough to 
bring me my boots? and {fiercely) mind you are not 
half an hour about it either. {Exit boy.) This Christ¬ 
mas will find me a changed man. {Puts on his over¬ 
coat energetically.) What a wretch I’ve been ! What 
a blind-eyed, crusty old cosseter of myself I’ve been ! 
But it’s ended. I— {Enter boy; he puts down boots, 
looks shyly at Mr. Chester, and exit. Mr. Chester 
sits down, and tries to put on his boots.) I’m an old 

— old — I never knew before a man couldn’t put on 
his boots with his overcoat on. {Throws off overcoat, 
puts on boots very rapidly, draws on mittens, puts on 
hat, and picks up cane). I always thought Christmas 
was a regular bore, but I believe I’m getting on a 
thorough Christmas spirit myself. {Cutely to audi¬ 
ence.) Send ’em fifty or a hundred dollars, and forget 
them! ha, ha! I made a joke that time, didn’t I? 
Ha, ha ! {Exit smartly.) 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


19 


SCENE IV. 

Mrs. Wilton’s home. A big turkey lying on the table. 
The children gathered around the turkey in delight. 
Mrs. Wilton sitting thoughtfully apart. 

Harry (pulling the turkey by one leg , the better to ex¬ 
amine it). It is, it’s the big turkey that was hanging 
up at Smith’s. I know him sure : I’ve looked at him 
so many times, wishing we could have him. 

Daisy. And now we’ve got him ! 

Rex. Who do you s’pose sent him? 

Daisy. That man, of course. 

Harry. Oh! but he’s a fat fellow. My eyes! I 
wish he was baked. 

Mrs. W. (aside). He’s a kind man if he is gruff. 
I wish I had had the courage to tell him I am his sister. 
He is rich. Perhaps he would have taken care of us. 
Oh, my poor husband, my poor dear husband! ( Puts 

her head on the table , with her face in her handkerchief. 
The children go toward her.) 

Daisy. Mamma, dear mamma, what is it? Please 
tell us. Aren’t you glad we’ve got a turkey, and lots 
of money? Don’t, mamma dear, don’t cry. We were 
so poor yesterday, and now we are rich. 

Rex. Say, mamma, are we rich now? and what 
makes you cry ? 

Harry. / know. She is thinking of papa. Fve 
been thinking of him too. But mamma ( anxiously) 
it’ll be Christmas in two days, you know ; and oughtn’t 


20 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


we to make it as merry as we can,.— just for the 
children ? 

Mrs. W. Just for the children ! You dear, brave, 
tiny little man ! How would mamma ever get on with¬ 
out you ? (Takes Harry’s face between her hands, and 
kisses it.) Yes, we will make it merry. You must all 
hang up your stockings to-morrow night, and I don’t 
believe Santa Claus will forget you. To-morrow after¬ 
noon you will be good children, and take care of the 
house; and I will go down town, and spend (holds up 
finger merrily at them) —you know what! (Children 
dance , and clap their hands.) And it will all be secret; 
and you must shut your eyes when I come home, and 
not ask any questions. And then Christmas morning ! 
ah, won’t our eyes shine! You’ll see! (Children 
dance , and clap hands.) 

Harry. I ought to go with you to carry the bundles, 
mamma. (A knock , and Mr. Chester enters. Mrs. 
Wilton starts.) 

Mr. C. (looking very stern). Well! (He looks 
around the room. Aside.) How shall I begin? It’s 
very embarrassing. (He scowls.) Well! 

Mrs. W. (aside). How he scowls, and how stern 
he looks! Oh, he suspects, and he is angry! Now 
Heaven help us! 

Daisy (stepping in front of him, and looking up in his 
face). Was it you ’t sent it? 

Mr. C. (taking no notice). Bad enough! bad enough ! 
I can hardly believe my senses. (Aside.) Yes, it is 
my sister, my beautiful blooming sister Mary. (Aloud.) 
And you say you have no father ? 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


21 


Mrs. W. No, they have no father. Their father 
died nearly a year ago. 

Mr. C. ( suddenly and in a commanding tone , rapping 
his cane on the floor ). But I say they have a father. 
(Pauses grandly. The children seem a little frightened.} 
I say they have a father. Now and in the future I am 
their father so long as I live. ( Pauses again in an 
impressive manner.) 

Daisy ( stepping forward , stamping her foot, and look¬ 
ing up in his face). You’re not our papa. You sha’n’t 
be our papa. Our papa wasn’t cross. He was kind 
and good, — ever so kind and good. ( Steps back , wag¬ 
ging her head defiantly.) 

Mr. C. (frowning down at Daisy, then around at the 
rest. He breaks down stammering and blubbering). 
Mary, Mary, my sister, don’t you know me? don’t you 
know your brother Bob? ( Blows his nose , and is very 
much excited. Mrs. Wilton buries her face in her 
handkerchief and sobs.) 

Rex ( fiercely , stepping toward him belligerently). 
You go away! You are a naughty, bad man, ’n’ you 
make my mother cry. 

Harry. And take your turkey, and all your money. 

Daisy (going in front of him , and stamping). Go 
away! 

Dotty (going in front of him, and stamping). 
Quick, orfie quick! 

Mr. C. (dreadfully perplexed). See here, Mary, 
your children are afraid of me. Tell ’em, tell ’em, 
Mary : I can’t. Tell ’em I’m their father. — See here 
now, children, you know, I’m not cross. Really, now, 


22T 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


little dears, Tm not. I’m the kindest man in this city; 
I am now, really, only — why, you see, I don’t know 
how to show it. ( Suddenly winks to audience triumph¬ 
antly. Aside.) I have it! (Sits down, and ogles to 
the children, and beckons to them.) Come here now, 
little dears, and I’ll tell you a story, — a true one! 
Come now. 

Dotty ( coming over to him). And won’t you hurt 
us — truly ? 

Mr. C. No, indeed. (Puts her on his knee.) 
There, I like that! You shall be my especial pet. 
Now (to Daisy), you come too, little pussy. (Makes 
a noise as if calling a cat.) 

Dotty (putting her hand on his cheek, and pulling his 
face toward hers). Daisy isn’t a kitty. 

Mr. C. (feigning the greatest surprise). No indeed ! 
There, now I have you. (The boys draw nearer.) Now 
for the story. ( Very pompously, and as though it were 
an astonishing statement.) Once I was a little boy no 
bigger than you! 

Rex. O’ course. 

Daisy. All big folks was little folks like us once, 
wasn’t they? 

Mr. C. (puzzled and aside). What shall I say next? 
How shall I tell ’em? I won't tell ’em at all: they’ll 
hate me. I’ll patch it up somehow. (Aloud to the 
children.) And I had a little sister, —a dear, beautiful 
(blubbers, and takes out handkerchief), beautiful little 
sister. It was your own mother, children, — your own 
mother, my beautiful, rosy little sister was. Mary (turn¬ 
ing to her), Mary, come here, and tell them it is true. 


JL BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


23 


Mrs. W. ( rises , and stands beside Mr. Chester with 
her arm over his shoulder). Yes, my darlings, it is my 
own dear brother Robert; and thank God he is come ! 

Mr. C. ( using his handkerchief freely). And, chil¬ 
dren, it’s a big world — and — and — and I lost her. 
And now I’ve found her, and I shall never lose her 
again. ( Gets up , and very clumsily puts his arms around 
her , and kisses her.) No indeed, I will never lose her 
again, before Heaven I swear it! (To the children , in 
his ogling tone again.) And now, little darlings, will 
you let me be your father ? 

Dotty. If you’ll be good. 

Daisy. And if mamma says so. 

Mr. C. If and if! It seems, then, I may get the 
mitten yet. Hey, little folks, I have a fat pocket- 
book, you know ; and you won’t have to wish for things 
any more and not have them — ha, ha! How will you 
like that? 

Rex. And shall we drive a span, and have lots of 
servants, and live in a castle? 

Mr. C. Hi! (very proudly and grandly) my son, 
you get on fast. 

Daisy. Like kings and queens in fairy stories? 
(Claps her hands.) Oh, I shall love that! 

Mr. C. (proudly again). Tut, tut, my little daugh¬ 
ter ! Your expectations tally with your brother’s, don’t 
they? 

Mrs. W. (smiling) . No, no, dears, not that. Your 
uncle means plenty of food, and warm clothing to keep 
you warm, and — and — a happy, comfortable home. 

Mr. C. (looking grandly around on the company ). 


24 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


Am I, then, at last the accepted head of this house, and 
father of these children ? 

Rex ( running to him , and taking his hand). Oh, 
you good, good, new papa ! 

Daisy (she and Dotty clinging to his other hand; 
baby with mamma). I’ll be good always, always , and 
mind you ; and I know I’ll like to be rich. 

Mr. C. Tut, tut! 

Dotty. An’ me too. 

Harry (throwing his arms around his mother's neck). 
O mother, mother! It’s too good. 

Mr. C. ( raising his finger at Harry). And mind, 
I’m to have no rival. You have no further charge of 
these little ones. You are to be my (proudly) eldest 
son, and one of the babies. 

(Curtain falls with finger still up.) 


SCENE V. 

Handsome parlor of the new home. Mrs. Wilton 
making one or two ribbon bows at the table. 

Mr. C. ( pacing up and down the stage , rubbing his 
hands delightedly). I tell you, Mary, we were lucky 
to get this all furnished at so short notice. Here it’s 
been standing idle for four months. I believe it was 
just waiting for us. And to think they made me pay 
two hundred more for it on account of the children! 
Ha, ha, ha! Really now, I never knew before,—I 
really didn’t, — that the little rabbits were so much 



A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


25 


below par. But just let ’em try to get mine (proudly ) 
away, —let ’em try it that way, and they’ll find ’em at 
rather a heavy premium : eh, Mary ? 

Mrs. W. (snips off end of ribbon , and throws down 
work). Yes, brother, we were fortunate in getting the 
house. And, Robert, you don’t know it, but it was 
very quick work getting the children fitted out as you 
wished ; but I hope you will find them to your liking. 

Mr. C. I trust so — I trust so. But, Mary my 
dear, {pompously ) the nephews and nieces of Robert 
Chester ought to have every thing that is needful in 
the way of dress. ( Rings for servant; comes over to 
his sister's side.) And to think, Mary (pulls out his 
handkerchief) , that my own sister should have been 
poor and homeless with all her little ones, and I—I— 
(blubbers) I rolling up a great bank account — boo-hoo 
— all for myself — for one cosseted, crusty, snarly, 
withered-up old bach. It’s shocking, it is really, you 
know. But I’ll be a good father to your children, 
Mary. Really, I will, Mary. I— (Knock, and maid 
enters. Wipes eyes hastily , straightens up majestically , 
and goes toward the maid.) Harriet, you understand 
the children are to be here at seven. And mind you, 
(getting excited) seven doesn’t mean quarter of seven 
nor quarter past seven — but just seven precisely and 
exactly. (Exit maid.) 

Mrs. W. Robert, if you wish to be a good father 
to the children — 

Mr. C. I know. I know. I go off like a fire¬ 
cracker. But (proudly) I shall stop it, I shall stop 
it for the children’s sake. ( Very pompously.) If I’m 


26 


A bachelob’s chbistmas. 


to govern this house and these children, of course I 
must govern myself. That’s it —that’s it; and I 
shall do it, too. (Knock, and re-enters maid.) 

Maid. If you please, sir, is baby to be brought in 
with the other children ? 

Mr. C. (in a fury). Is baby to be brought in with 
the other children! And what would you do with 
baby, pray, if he isn’t brought in with the other chil¬ 
dren? Tell me that, if you please. Would you throw 
him out of the window ? Would you — 

Mrs. W. (placing her hand on his arm). Robert 
dear — 

Mr. C. Yes, Mary my dear, there I go again. (To 
maid, very politely.) Harriet, my love, you may bring 
baby in with the other children, certainly. And, my 
love, (very mysteriously) keep them in the nursery till 
seven, then bring them here. Prompt at seven, you 
understand, my love. (Exit maid, eying Mr. Ches¬ 
ter quizzically.) There, sister Mary, that’s a good 
beginning, you’ll own. You mustn’t despair of me. 
You see, my heart is so bursting full of Christmas 
peace and love and good-will, that it —why, you know 
what I mean — it will break out in spite of me. 

Daisy (behind scenes). I won’t stay in that old 
room. I’m going in that pretty room with mamma. 

Rex (same). No, you mustn’t. Our new papa 
said we mustn’t. 

Mrs. W. Robert dear, I think I’ll go myself, and 
look after the children till seven o’clock. Harriet 
will never be able to control them. (Exit.) 

Mr. C. (rubbing his hands in delight). Our new 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


27 


papa! Now, really, that means me, you know. It 
does, really. Of course Harriet will not be able to 
control those children. They are bright children, those 
children of mine are. Nobody will be able to control 
them,—nobody except myself (with great importance), 
and I shall rule them solely by love ; solely by love, 
that’s it. Ha, ha, ha ! Won’t the fellows at the club 
die with envy when they see me at the head of this 
house and all these children? Oh, but it will be sport 
to see them ! it will now, really. But (looking at his 
watch) they will be here in a few minutes. This 
won’t do. I must get to work ( picks up a Santa 
Glaus costume lying on sofa). I made a monkey of 
myself once to be Santa Claus, but that was when I 
was young. Bah ! After all, I’m not so old now; no 
indeed, I’m a young man yet. How does this thing go 
anyhow, I wonder? ( Dresses as he talks.) Now, that 
is a gay ticket. I wonder if the little rabbits will know 
me. I rather guess! You can’t blind those young¬ 
sters very easily ! ( Puts on wig.) They will be ’cute 

if they know me now. ( Turns round and round before 
the glass, and admires himself delightedly.) Ha! 
Won’t their eyes shine, though ! ( Puts a big bag over 

his back, and hangs a pair of skates , a trumpet , a tin 
horse, two dolls, and other toys over him.) There! 
I’m a festive-looking Santa Claus, at all events. 
( Voices outside , “Here, wait for me, Kexie !”) Here 
they come, bless ’em ! (Enter Daisy.) 

Daisy (peeps in, coming far enough to be well seen. 
At sight of Santa Claus, holds up both hands in amaze¬ 
ment, and exclaims) . Oh, my ! Oh ! (Rushes off the 


28 


A BACHELOR S CHRISTMAS. 


stage screaming very loudly.) Harry, Harry! Rex! 
All of you ! Come quick ! It’s Santa Claus ! Really 
and truly Santa Claus, right here in our parlor ! Where 
did he go ? ( Enter the children. They look all about 

expectantly.) 

Harry. Nonsense, Daisy, you little goosie ! you’re 
fooling us. 

Rex. Pooh! Santa Claus never comes right out 
like that. 

Daisy. But I saw him ! I saw him alive ! Right 
here! With my two eyes! {Dancing around , and 
hunting for Santa.) 

Dot. Course she did! Daisy wouldn’t tell a lie. 
I’ll find him. 

All the Children {spying him). Oh, there he is ! 
Oh, my! It is Santa Claus, as true as you live! 
{Clap their hands , and dance up and down during these 
exclamations.) 

Santa {coming out and frisking around). Well, 
little folks, a merry Christmas to you all! 

All. Merry Christmas ! Merry Christmas ! How 
did you get here? Oh, but isn’t he jolly ! {They clap 
hands and dance around.) 

Daisy {going up to him). Are you the truly, truly 
Santa Claus ? Honest ? 

Harry. Of course he is. 

Rex. You can see that with one eye. 

All. Oh, my! Isn’t it fine ! {Clap hands , and 
dance around Santa.) 

Harry. See those skates ! Oh my eyes ! 

Rex. My buttons ! and that drum ! (Daisy and 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


29 


Dotty whisper together , and point to the dolls. Enter 
mamma with youngest child , if very small , in arms.) 

Children. O mamma! It’s really and truly 
Santa Claus! (Santa, who all this time has been 
frisking around , and shaking the presents teasingly at 
the children , begins to take them off. He holds up the 
skates.) 

Santa. Now, here’s a fine pair of skates ! They 
are just the thing for — for — let me see — for the 
baby. 

Children. The baby! {They laugh.) No, no — 
no indeed! They’ll just fit Harry. (In the scramble 
for the skates , Daisy or Dotty, if big enough , gets the 
skates , gives them to Harry, giving him at the same 
time a hug around the neck.) 

Santa. And these dolls ! (Rocks them to and fro , 

singing “By-low-baby.”) I do believe Rex here has 
his eye on these dolls ! {Laughter again.) 

Children {boisterously) . You funny, naughty Santa! 

Rex. A boy have dolls ! 

Harry. You must give Daisy and Dotty the dolls. 

Dotty. Of course. (Santa gives dolls to the little 
girls.) 

Santa. And here’s just the prettiest drum I could 
find in my toy-shop. Daisy and Dotty will want that too, 
I suppose. ( Children , laughing boisterously , scramble 
for the drum , and hang it over Rex’s neck. They pull 
the toys from Santa, he pretending to defend himself 
One or two toys like a jumping-jack , a ball , and perhaps 
a few handfuls of candy , Santa tosses slyly to the chil¬ 
dren in the audience. The children on the stage get 


30 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


among the toys some bonbons; each snaps one , and 
puts one of the paper caps on. Rex laughingly puts 
one on baby , and Daisy on her mother. Daisy then 
steps off, and exclaims with a wag of her head.) 
There! 

Santa. There, children! Now, hasn’t old Santa 
treated you handsomely ? ( He holds up his finger for 

them to keep quiet , and pulls from his pocket a gold 
watch and chain. Goes to mamma , and fastens the 
chain around her neck very proudly and affectionately.) 
And see what we have for dear, dear mamma! 

Children. Oh! ( Admiringly .) Oh! You dear, 
dear old Santa Claus ! Oh, you jolly old darling ! 

Santa ( takes baby in arms) . And now, my dear, 
dear little folks, what is the very best of all the Christ¬ 
mas presents Santa Claus has brought you ? 

Children. Our new papa ! Our beautiful, splendid 
new papa! 

Santa. And the very, very best Christmas gift he 
has brought to your new papa is a big, precious family 
to love and to care for. And so ( coming forward in 
centre) God bless us all, and give us every year — 

Mrs. W. A merry Christmas and a bright New 
Year. 

Rex. And send us Santa loaded down with toys. 

Harry. And fill our hearts with merry Christmas 
joys. 

Daisy. And we will help to make the Christmas 
merry — 

Dotty. By being kind and loving, very, very, very. 
( Music strikes up. Santa puts baby on the floor in 


A BACHELOR’S CHRISTMAS. 


31 


front at one of the sides , takes Mrs. Wilton as part - 
ner; the children pair , Rex with Daisy and Harry 
with Dotty, and dance around the stage.) 

{Curtain.) 

Note. — After the curtain, Santa may go down into 
the audience, and distribute boxes of candy or bonbons to the 
children. It would be a good way, to have Santa Claus, 
when he is distributing the presents to the children in the 
play, toss to some gentleman in the audience boxes of candy 
or bonbons. They may be kept until now, and he can now 
distribute them. Santa may stay around in his costume 
as entertainer-in-general as long as is desirable. 


A NEW COMEDY DRAMA. 


DOWN IN MAINE. 

An Original 'Domestic Drama in Four cAds* 

By CHARLES TOWNSEND, 

AUTHOR OF NEARLY ONE HUNDRED SUCCESSFUL PRODUCTIONS. 

This charming play is Mr. ToAvnsend’s first concession to the lovers of the 
realistic school, and he has produced a masterpiece. There are no villains, no 
“heroics,” no tangled plot nor sentimental love scenes. Yet the climaxes are 
strong, the action brisk, and the humor genial; while the characters are drawn 
with that masterly touch in wnich Mr. Townsend has no equal. Can he played 
in any hall. Scenery of the easiest sort. No shifting during any act. Proper¬ 
ties few and simple. 

PRICE.25 CENTS. 


CHARACTERS. 

Zeph Cummings, of Hardscrabble Farm, ’way down in Maine. A man that 


is a man take him as you ivill . Character Lead. 

Ralph, his brother, a New York millionaire . Old Man. 

Neil Wentworth, a young inventor . Juvenile Lead. 

Bingle, the old fisherman, a “ groivn up kid ”. First Low Comedy. 

Tomps, the hired man, not lazy, but tired . Character Comedy. 

Mr. Holden, a wide awake lawyer . Utility. 

Jimpsey, a “ Fresh Air ” youngster . Comedy. 

Mose Gassin, a stuttering lover . Comedy. 

Susie Cummings, Jlalph’s daughter . Juvenile Lead. 

Mrs. Cummings, Zeph's wife . First Old Woman. 

Keziah, forty-three and desperate .. Character Comedy. 

Betsy Tomps. Comedy. 


Time —The Present. Place —Down in Maine. 

Time of Playing —Two hours and a quarter. 

SYNOPSIS. 

Act I.—The Farm. “Hayin’ time an’ lots of company. 

Act II.—The Picnic. Fun, with a sprinkle of sorrow. 

Act III.—In the gloaming. The worship of Mammon. Cast adrift. 

Act IV.—The day before Christmas. The unexpected arrival. The heart 
of a man. “ Supper’s ready! ” 


MR. TOWNSEND'S OPINION. 

In speaking of this drama, the author says : “ I have produced an original 
domestic drama in ‘ Down in Maine,’ and my own opinion, which is hacked by 
the critics, is that I have never written anything better.” 


Here, at last, is the great, realistic home play, for which we have had thou¬ 
sands of inquiries. Written by the master of his art. Bright, breezy, and full 
of life. Printed directly from Mr. Townsend’s own acting copy, with every 
detail of stage business clearly indicated. 


WHO ARE YOU? 

<A Sketch in One (Act. 

By FRANK H. SHEPARD. 

Two male, one female characters. Scene a plain interior ; costumes modern. 
A bright and vivacious little piece of flirtation, of the “ best two out of three ” 
order, with some ingenious variations of idea and treatment. A very up-to-date 
bit of humor and sentiment, equally suited for amateurs or for “vaudeville” 
use. Plays half an hour. 

PRICE 


15 CENTS. 




















NEW PLAYS. 


OLD ACRE FOLK. 

A Flay of Country Life in Tnvo cAds . 

By DANA J. STEVENS. 

Six male, four female characters. Costumes modern and rustic; scene a 
plain interior ; the same for both acts. This is a particularly easy and effective 
play of the “ Joshua Whitcomb ” order, full of characteristic rustic humor and 
amusing incident, and quite without any of the scenic difficulties that ordinarily 
attend such pieces and are more or less essential to them. No cows, pigs, loads 
of hay or other properties hard to manage in a church vestry, but just human 
beings making fun, love, money, tracks, and other amusing things. All the 
parts are good, and give plenty of opportunity to their actors. An ideal piece 
for a young amateur club. Lots of incident. Plays about two hours. 

PRICE.J5 CENTS. 


CHARACTERS. 

(As originally produced by the Beuna Vista Footlight Club, at Chattel Hall , Roxbury, 
November 22,1900, under the direction of Walter 11. Baker.) 

The Deacon, Caleb Evans 
The Deacon’s Wife, Emma Eliza 
The Deacon’s Son, Jaffray 
The Deacon’s Daughter, Mary Jane 
The Squire, Aaron Playfair 
The Squire’s Daughter, ’Lizbeth Ann 
The Squire’s Housekeeper, Prisilla Prim 
The Country Boy, Ebenezer Ham . 

The Stranger, Job Hardy 
The Constable, Ike Johnson . 

Scene. —At the Deacon's Farmhouse. The action of the play takes place 
in the little village of Old Acre , down in Maine. 


Mr. Dana J. Stevens 
Miss Gertrude Cheyne 
Mr. Leander Abbott, Jr. 
. Miss Mabel Baker 
. Mr. Percy Hull 
Miss Mae Stockwell 
Miss Lucy G. M. Card 
Mr. Roys E. Woodward 
Mr. Oliver W. Bowman 
. Mr. Harry Lowd 


SYNOPSIS* 


Act I.— Hayin’-time. The Deacon’s settin’-room. 

(Supposed lapse of six months.) 

Act II.—Sleighin’-time. The Deacon’s settin’-room once more. 


THEIR FIRST DINNER. 

cA Farce in One cAd. 

By RUFUS H. GILLMORE. 

Three male, two female characters. Scene, a modest dining-room; costumes, 
modern and fashionable. A neat little sketch of early married life and the 
mishaps of amateur housekeepers. Irish, French and English comedy charac¬ 
ters. Plays thirty-five minutes. 

PRICE.15 CENTS. 


HYPNOTISM. 

A Farce in One Ad* 

By NEWELL BENT. 

Three male, two female characters; but all the parts are intended to be 
played by hoys, as in the original performance by pupils of the Fay School, 
Southborough, Mass. A very lively and effective little play, admirably adapted 
for the purpose for which it was written, and strongly recommended. Irish and 
Negro comedy characters. Scenery unimportant; costumes, modern and easy. 
Plays ten or fifteen minutes. _ 

PRICE.15 CENTS. 












PR 26 1911 


COMEDIES. 


TRYING IT ON BELDON. 

A Comedy in Two Ads . 

By S. JENNIE SMITH, 

Seven male, four female characters. Costumes, modern and eccentric ; 
scenery, an easy interior, or may be dispensed with altogether. Mr. Beldon, 
the father of a family of hypochondriacs, decides to turn the tables. He ac¬ 
cordingly shams illness, whereupon everyone insists on his taking their favorite 
medicine, and privately sends for his or her own pet doctor, all of whom arrive 
at once. In the midst of it all an invitation arrives to a fishing party, which he 
has greatly looked forward to, so that Beldon’s misery is complete. At this 
juncture Jack Phelps, a young doctor, who has been refused the hand of 
Beldon’s daughter, because he belonged to that hated profession, turns up, and 
by an exhibition of sheer common sense wins father and daughter at the same 
time. A sharp rap at the medical profession, broadly but effectively done. 
Plays forty minutes. 

PRICE.J5 CENTS 


The Revenge of Shari-Hot-Su 

A Japanese Comedy in T%o Ads. 

By C. B. BATCHELDER. 

Three male, four female characters. Costumes, Japanese; scenes, a Japa¬ 
nese interior -and a Japanese exterior. If scenery cannot be had, the former 
may be easily extemporized out of screens, etc., and the latter out of potted 
plants and Japanese lanterns. This is a very sane, reasonable and character¬ 
istic comedy of Japanese manners, treating these interesting people as human 
beings, and not -according to the usual custom, as figures from comic opera. 
Motives, manners and customs are seriously and honestly presented in con¬ 
nection with an interesting, sympathetic, dramatic and perfectly possible 
story, and surrounded with a convincing atmosphere of character. Two of the 
characters are Europeans, the rest Japanese. Shari-hot-su offers the first 
attempt known to us to set down phonetically the Japanese dialect in English 
speech, and the result is most amusing and interesting as a study from Ufe.l 
Plays an hour and a half. 

PRICE.15 CENTS. 


THE THREE GRACES. 

A Comedy in One Ad* 

By EDWARD GRANVILLE. 

Four male, two female characters. Costumes, modern and fashionable; 
scenery, a handsome interior. An especially clever and well written piece of 
the “well-made” order, introducing a most charming figure of a typical 
American girl against an ingenious and effective English background. Dora 
Cagny cannot help being charming in the relations provided for ner, while the 
misunderstandings of her father, the millionaire pork-packer, in his encounter 
with the “ aristocracy,” are bountiful in humorous effect. Plays forty minutes. 

PRICE.15 CENTS. 


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#ttcc, 50 Cents’ 


THE MAGISTRATE ■ Farce Tliree Acts ' Twelve males, four 
* c h ■ females. Costumes, modern; scenery, all 
interior. Plays two hours and a half. 

THE NOTORIOUS MBS. EBBSMITH : 

Costumes, modern; scenery, all interiors. Plays a full evening. 

Play in Four Acts. Seven males, five females. 
Scenery, three interiors, rather elaborate ; 
costumes, modern. Plays a full evening. 

THP Farce in Three Acts. Nine males, seven 

lilt: fc.UiJ , UUYll3ii\Ed2 females . Costumes,modern; scenery, 

three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

THE SECOND MRS. TANQUERAY 

tumes, modernscenery, three interiors. Plays a full evening. 

WPFT I AVFNBFR Comedy in Three Acts. Seven males, four 
Ont,hl femaleg Scene,asingleinterior; costumes, 

modern. Plays a full evening. 

TffF TSMFS Comedy in Four Aet3. Six males, seven females. 
a Sil< I ilLJ g ceae> a single interior; costumes, modern. Plays a 
full evening. / •; 

TWO WFAITFlf QFY Comedy in Three Acts. Eight males, eight 
1 itC ?? LA ALA dL. f ema i es> Costumes, modem; scenery, two 

interiors. Plays a full evening. 

A WIFE WITHOUT A SMILE 

modern; scene, a single interior. Plays a full evening. 


copy del. to Cat. Biv. 


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oston, Massachusetts 



















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PAMFTIF Drama in Five Acts. Nine males u Sve females. Cos- 
tumes, modern ; scenery, varied. Plays a full evening. 

... ‘ • : • • : ■ . ] MB 


5MI1AMAR Play in Five Acts. Tliirteen males, three females. 

Scenery varied; costumes, Greek. Plays a full evening. 

* 

MARY STUART Tragedy in Five Acts. Thirteen males, four ' 
1UASV1 O l U tin i males, and supernumeraries. Costumes, of i 
period; scenery, varied and elaborate. Plays a full evening. 

THE MERCHANT OF VENICE &&**. 

picturesque; scenery varied. Plays a full evening. 

RlfHFT IFfl P^ayin Five Acts. Fifteen males, two females. Scen- 
AlWHlAfU'U ery elaborate ; costumes of the period. Plays a full 
evening, 

THE RfVAT S Comedy in Five Acts. Nine males, five females, 
i itiy m T Scenery varied; costumes of the period. Plays a ; 

full evening. • 

SHE STOOPS TO CONQUER 

males, four females. ' Scenery va¬ 


ried ; costumes of the period. Plays a full evening. 


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TWELFTH NIGHT; OR, WHAT YOU WILL » e 

three females/ Costumes, picturesque; scenery, varied, 
full evening. • - . 


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